The Fellowship
by Nirette
Summary: The Fellowship randomly gets transported into our world and is placed in several odd situations with two 'guides'. Rated T mostly because of the language. There are no Mary Sues :D Chapter 10 is up!
1. Goes on a Game Show!

**Here's a bit of an explanation before you start reading:**

**This is just a really weird LOTR fanfic containing long-ish stories about what would happen if The Fellowship was placed into our world into several strange places.**

**There are two girls in this story (Amanda and Heather.) There shall be no romance in this story between the girls and The Fellowship members, seeing as a) the girls are teenagers and that would be creepy and b) it would muddle up the plotline. Bear with me, romance-addicts. **

**Here's the list of LOTR characters in the story (yes, I know, Gollum isn't part of The Fellowship. Bite me):**

**- Frodo**

**- Sam**

**- Merry**

**- Pippin**

**- Gimli**

**- Legolas**

**- Boromir**

**- Aragorn**

**- Gollum**

**Hopefully you enjoy the fanfic!**

The sky was a deep shade of blue, darkened by plumes of thick cloud. Aragorn was on watch, whittling a piece of wood with a knife.

A sudden snap of a branch nearby made him drop the carving and reach for his sword. There was another noise, followed by a splash. Then came cursing.

'Gollum', he muttered darkly, settling back into the rhythmic sliding of the knife against the timber, 'I should have guessed as much.'

Close by, Legolas awoke from his sort of elf-slumber, grabbing an arrow from his quiver. 'What was that?' the elf hissed, looking keenly around, 'An orc?'

'Nay, no orc,' Aragorn frowned, 'that creature Gollum has been following us. Even in Moria he was haunting our footsteps. Yet Gandalf did not worry, so I shall not. Go back to sleep, Legolas. That wretched thing should not hinder our rest.'

'Even still,' Legolas sighed, 'I worry.'

Then, suddenly, darkness enveloped the entire company.

There was a cry, and followed by several voices exclaiming about the lack of light.

'Oi!' Sam could be heard, 'What's all this about?'

'The ring!' Frodo shouted, 'I can't find it! Oh, no, there it is. Where has the light gone?'

'Merry?' Pippin screeched, 'Merry, are you there?'

'Yes, Pippin, I'm here!'

Abruptly, everyone started to speak at once.

'What's happened?'

'I'm scared!'

'Should I blow my horn?'

'How would that help, Boromir?'

'I can't find my pots and pans!'

'Ouch! Pippin, stop poking me with your dagger!'

'Sorry, Merry, I thought you were an orc!'

'Legolas!' Aragorn yelled over the ruckus, 'Can your elf-eyes see anything?'

'Nay, not a thing!' Legolas replied in a frightened tone, 'It's as if we've all gone blind!'

Then there were two loud pops, and the entire Fellowship fell into silence.

'Woah, where am I?' a girl's voice exclaimed.

'Amanda, is that you?' another girl asked.

'Heather! You're here!'

'Sadly, since we don't know where _here_ is.'

'Do you have a light?'

'I have my phone and a lighter.'

'A…lighter? I didn't know you smoked.'

'Oh, I don't. I use it to set things on fire.'

'…'

'You know, like Barbie dolls and such.'

'…'

'Actually, scratch the Barbie doll thing. I only tried that once, and the smell was awful.'

'…Heather, just use your phone.'

There was a beeping noise, followed by a screen lighting up.

'Holy shit!' the phone-holding girl, Heather, shrieked, 'Old men! Old men _everywhere!_'

'We're in a pedophile van!' Amanda screamed, 'Oh my god, we're going to die!'

The two girls ran together into a huddle, both staring at The Fellowship. Nobody moved.

'Um…' Heather said after awhile, 'maybe they're dead.'

'They haven't moved at all,' Amanda muttered, 'perhaps they're cardboard cutouts…'

'Are we dead?' Heather asked the closest Fellowship member; Boromir. All he did was stare.

'Well that was a great answer,' Amanda sighed after a few minutes, 'I think they're dead.'

'Dare you to poke one,' Heather giggled.

'No way!'

'Double-dare!'

'Go fall off a cliff!'

'Triple-doggy-dare you!'

'I won't poke one until you do!'

'Fine,' Heather conceded, 'if I poke one, then you have to too!'

'It's a deal,' Amanda nodded, 'now go see if they're real.'

Bravely, Heather stalked up to Boromir and tapped him on the head. Nothing happened. Turning to Amanda, she winked; 'Your turn.'

Quietly, Amanda tiptoed to a different individual; Gimli. She poked his arm, and then started to yell.

'What?' Heather demanded, 'What the hell happened?'

'HE LOOKS JUST LIKE GIMLI FROM LORD OF THE RINGS,' Amanda ran back to Heather, 'AND THAT LOOKS LIKE BOROMIR, AND THAT LOOKS LIKE FRODO, AND THAT LOOKS LIKE ARAGORN…WHAT IN THE ACTUAL HELL IS GOING ON HERE?'

'Holy freedom fries,' Heather said in an alarmed voice, 'you're right.'

'Um,' Aragorn suddenly said, 'who are you?'

The girls both screamed at the same time.

'Please refrain from doing that,' Legolas pleaded, 'it hurts my ears.'

'THEY CAN TALK!'

'HOLY MOTHER OF SPONGEBOB.'

'I'M SCARED.'

'Who are you two?' Boromir inquired, 'And _what _are you?'

'Edible, maybe, preciousssss?' a voice suddenly rose up. Everybody froze.

'You guys have freakin' _Gollum_ with you?' Heather whispered, 'Oh god, we're stuck in a small dark place with Gollum.'

With a cry, Boromir sprang towards where Gollum had sounded and emerged in the pale light holding the creature down with his sword.

'Well,' Heather straightened up, 'problem solved. Thanks Boromir.'

'How do you know our names?' Frodo asked quietly.

'Um,' Heather exchanged glances with Amanda, 'we just…do.'

'I'm Amanda, by the way,' Amanda said in a small voice, 'please don't kill us.'

'I'm Heather, and I have a lighter. Beware,' Heather reached into her pocket, brought up the device and clicked it. Nothing happened. 'Shit, I thought this one still had some juice left.'

'Heather, I hope you know that the fact that you have a used-up lighter scares me, seeing as your only use for one is for burning stuff,' Amanda gave a nervous scowl.

'It's nice to meet you, Lady Amanda and Lady Heather,' Gimli suddenly bowed, 'I am Gimli, son of Gloi-'

'Yeah, yeah, we know,' Heather waved the useless lighter at him, 'we know all of your names and your backgrounds and stuff. We don't need a family-tree lesson right now, anyways. What we need is a way out of here.'

'How far back does the darkness go?' Aragorn questioned, 'Legolas, run ahead and see.'

Purposefully, the elf sprang forward, only to crash into a hidden dark wall.

'Ouch,' Amanda cringed, 'that looked painful.'

'There's no way out!' Legolas cried, surveying the other sides, 'We are trapped!'

'They are coming,' Heather quoted mysteriously before breaking out into giggles.

'Stop being creepy!' Amanda shivered, 'Now I'm all freaked out again.'

'Hey, at least we have armed men all around us,' Heather pointed out.

'Where do you come from?' Aragorn asked in an exasperated tone, 'Your speech is far different from our own.'

'Um…' Amanda shrugged, 'we come from Canada. It doesn't exist where you come from, seeing as you are in the…the what? _Something_ age of Middle Earth? I don't even know what that means…anyways, we're from modern times.'

'For example,' Heather held up her phone, 'this is a phone. You can use it to call or text people. Or you can play games on it, such as Angry Birds.'

The Fellowship swapped odd looks.

'Look,' Amanda sighed, 'we don't know what we're doing here with you guys. We don't know where we are, or what's happening, but let's make the most of it. What happened before you got here?'

'I was taking watch to make sure that The Fellowship wouldn't be attacked when suddenly the light seemed to go out,' Aragorn recounted, 'it was as if the moon had suddenly vanished.'

'Ah,' Heather mimicked Aragorn's hazy tone, 'I too had the same experience; I was taking watch on my couch to make sure that the potato chips wouldn't be attacked when suddenly the light seemed to go out. It was as if the TV had suddenly vanished.'

'Heather,' Amanda sighed, 'I thought you had promised to be more active at nighttime.'

'I did, but then I took a Doctor Who marathon to the knee.'

'Heather, overused memes are bad.'

'Shut up.'

'Hold the phone,' Amanda said unexpectedly.

'Well,' Heather raised an eyebrow and nodded to her cell, 'I am.'

'Ha, very funny,' Amanda muttered sarcastically, then she turned to Aragorn, 'where's Gandalf?'

'He's dead,' Aragorn replied, 'he fell in Moria.'

'Nope!' Heather shouted, 'Chuck Testa!'

'_Enough with your bad use of memes._' Amanda swung around to face Heather, 'I will rip off your head if you use another one.'

'One does not simply rip off Heather's head,' Heather held up her hand and imitated Boromir.

'I hate you,' Amanda hissed before turning back to The Fellowship, 'Gandalf isn't dead, by the way. But you'll find that out when you go back to Middle Earth…if you ever get back to Middle Earth.'

'He isn't dead?' Sam exclaimed, 'Well I never…how…what?'

'Astute of you, Mr. Samwise,' Heather stroked her invisible beard, '_Well I never…how…what? _That's one for the books, boys.'

Then the world rapidly turned colourful before becoming utterly black.

When the entire company opened their eyes, flashing lights blinded them.

'Oh god,' Heather complained, shielding her face, 'it burns.'

'I'm meeeeeeelting!' Amanda cried out, and then laughed, 'Look around everybody. This is quite the view.'

The now sighted group gasped. They were up on a stage, with blinking show lights over them and a crowd at their feet. A man, dressed in dazzling blue, was waving at the audience. A sign at the back of the theatre read out '_Test Your Knowledge_'. Cameras were everywhere.

'We're on a game show,' Heather gaped at the rest of the people, 'oh lordy.'

'Welcome, welcome!' the blue man, who was assumed correctly to be the host of the show, shouted at the spectators, 'Welcome to _Test Your Knowledge_, the game show where brains are definitively before brawn! I'm Ray Blonge, and let's meet our contestants for today!'

He walked over to the side of the stage opposite to The Fellowship, and held up his microphone to the people that were gathered over there.

'I'm Christina, leader of the blue team!' a woman yelled into the mike, 'And we are going to win this competition!'

'I'm David,' another person screamed, 'and we're ready to rumble!'

'I'm Elly,' again somebody else cried, 'it's time to get our game on!'

Over and over more contestants would shout their names, and then say an unoriginal catchphrase. Eventually, they stopped.

'Good, good, I like that enthusiasm!' Ray nodded, taking back his mike, 'Let's hear it for the blue team!'

Over the loud applause, Heather gathered the group into a huddle; 'Okay, when he brings the mike over to us – that's that stick thing – just give your name and don't speak after that. I'll explain stuff as this goes on.'

'Heather, we should leave,' Amanda hissed, 'I'm confused and we don't belong here.'

'Don't worry, Mandy-boo,' Heather grinned, 'this will be fun.'

Ray then walked over to the group; 'And here are the other components! Who's the leader of this green team?'

'Well,' Boromir stood up proudly, 'although I am not named the leader of The Fellowship, I am a brave and honest man, only seeking what is best for my realm. Therefore, I suppose that this leadership should be entrusted to me.'

'But Aragorn is the heir of Isildur,' Legolas interjected, 'he should be the leader.'

'Aragorn is the leader of The Fellowship as of late,' Boromir complained, 'I should at least be trusted with the direction of this 'green team'.'

'Don't forget about Gimli, son of Gloin,' Gimli raised a hand, 'dwarves are often overlooked because of their size, yet we are keen and are good of nature!'

'Don't forget about the hobbits of the Shire, either!' Sam burst out.

'Or the prince of Mirkwood,' Legolas said offhandedly.

'Just because you're a little princling does not entitle you to leadership, master elf,' Gimli's eyes crinkled.

'And just because you're short doesn't enable you either, master Gimli,' Legolas frowned at the dwarf.

'Don't forget about me, preciousssss,' Gollum hissed.

'If you were to be leader, we'd all be dead,' Sam grumbled angrily.

'Um,' Ray took his microphone back and pointed to Gollum, 'what's that?'

'Our dog!' Heather supplied quickly, 'Our…_talking_ dog. He has…like a microchip collar thing, like in the movie _Up_.'

'Dogses! They call us dogses, precious, nasty little girl, we'd rip out her hair, yes precious, yes, her hair and her arms! _Gollum_, _gollum_,' Gollum croaked, huddling behind Merry.

'Right…' Ray trailed off, 'so who's the leader again?'

'I am!' most of the company said at once, followed by more fighting. Finally, Amanda couldn't take it any longer.

'My name is Amanda, and I'm the leader of the green team!' she said in an exasperated voice.

'Finally,' Ray gave the audience a forced yet dazzling smile. They cheered gratefully. 'What's with all of the costumes?'

'Um,' Amanda grimaced, 'they…we…medieval times is our main theme for today.'

'So let's see,' Ray turned to the crowd, 'a medieval times themed team with a modern dog that can talk via a microchip. This is going to be a great episode, eh, viewers?'

The people started to cheer.

'Now, give us your names properly,' Ray looked back at The Fellowship, 'and in short, if you can.'

The crowd laughed a bit.

'I am Gimli,' Gimli leaned into the mike, 'son of Gloin. I was chosen to represent the race of dwarves in this Fello-'

'I am Legolas,' Legolas cut the dwarf off, 'prince of Mirkwoo-'

'I wasn't finished yet, Legolas,' Gimli glared up at him.

'You've done enough talking, Gimli.'

'Oh, so you haven't?'

'Not as much as you.'

'You've done thrice more than I have!'

'Master dwarf, may your beard grow ever longer, but you've been blabbering like a man with too much mead in him!'

'Likewise.'

'No, not at all likewise. I am silent in nature and I-'

'Would you two care to quiet down?' Aragorn sighed, and then leaned into the mike, 'I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn.'

'I'm Merry!'

'Pippin of the Shire, at your service.'

'Samwise Gamgee!'

The rest of them listed off their names using Aragorn as an example. At length (they were interrupted a bit by Gimli at the end) they finished. Ray rolled his eyes to the audience and they laughed.

'Now, although we all know the way this works, I can explain for all of those first time people,' Ray said in a slightly frustrated tone, meandering up to centre stage, 'random themed questions will be pulled from our electronic database, and the first team to answer the question gets a point. The first team to fifteen points wins the five thousand dollar prize. Who's ready?'

Yells of excitement erupted across the room.

'Now, remember folks,' Ray wagged a finger at a camera, 'the questions go from extremely easy to very hard. Also, don't forget,' he then turned to the contestants, 'each wrong answer deducts a point, so don't blurt out things at random. And finish each answer with the word 'answer'. Am I clear?'

'Not really,' Heather murmured to Amanda, and they laughed.

'First question!' Ray pointed to a large screen off to the right of the stage. There was a bleeping noise, followed by the title _Geography_, 'A geography question, folks. Hope you paid attention in class!'

Text appeared across the screen, followed by a pleasant female voice; 'Which country has Amsterdam as the capital city?'

A person from the blue team immediately cried out 'The Netherlands; answer!'

There was a moment of silence before the voice said 'Correct!'

'Point to blue team!' Ray shouted, and a scoreboard to the left added a point to the blue team's score.

'Blue team rules, it's okay, we'll beat green team any day!' the blue team shouted out in rhyme. Heather gave them the finger when Ray wasn't looking.

'Next question!' Ray screeched, flinging his hand to the screen. The name _Riddle _popped up.

'Riddles, precioussss, riddles!' Gollum exclaimed, 'We likes riddles, yes precious, oh yes, we do.'

'Oh no,' Heather whispered to Amanda, 'remember how he acted when he got the answer wrong to Bilbo's 'riddle' in the book?'

'Oh no,' Amanda echoed.

'It's the beginning of existence and the end of time. It's the beginning of everything and the end of space. What is it?' the female asked. There was a deafening silence, then;

'The letter 'e'! The letter 'e'! Yes, precioussss, 'e'; answer!' Gollum cried.

'Correct!'

'Chestnuts, chestnuts,' hissed the creature as Heather jumped around happily.

'We need a cheer,' Amanda whispered to the group, calming her friend down, 'a rhyme, sort of.'

'Well I ain't no Bilbo,' Sam said shyly, 'but I've been practicing my rhymes, so to say, so I might have one.'

Then he walked boldly in front of the group and slowly started to list off a poem;

_A team of green;_

_A creature of spite;_

_A riddle to fiddle;_

_An answer of might._

Then he stepped back and blushed.

'That was…' Heather began, 'um…interesting.'

'Patriotism!' Ray yelled to the audience, 'Lovely, I do love poetry, folks. Next question!'

It was _History _next.

'Oh, no,' Amanda muttered as The Fellowship eagerly nodded to each other; 'they'll have a completely different sense of time.'

'In 1773, tea was thrown into the Boston Harbor,' the voice read out, 'what was this iconic act called?'

'Shit,' Heather muttered, 'I should have paid attention in grade seven history class…'

'It's on the tip of my tongue,' Amanda hopped up and down as the other team collaborated, 'I remember the teacher telling it to us offhandedly because it was an American thing…was it called the Boston Protest?'

'Why not try?' Heather shrugged.

'We'll lose a point!'

'Not like it's the end of the world.'

'C'mon, people, this is only the third question!' Ray impatiently said.

'Um,' Amanda spoke up, 'Boston Protest; answer.'

There was silence, and then the stage lights flashed red.

'Incorrect!' the voice huffed.

'Damn,' Amanda frowned, just as Frodo spoke up.

'Boston Tea Party; answer,' the hobbit cried out.

'Correct!'

Amanda and Heather whipped around.

'How did you know that?' Heather asked in amazement.

'Well, they dumped tea into that Boston Harbor,' Frodo shuffled his feet, 'logically, that would make the tea, and logically that would make a tea party is Boston Harbor. It makes sense, see.'

'A hobbit from the Shire knows more of our history then we do,' Heather grimaced, 'figures. Hey, Sam, why not have some more poetry?'

'Half a minute,' the hobbit replied, 'I need to get my bearings. Why would people dump such perfect tea into a harbor? Seems like a waste, if you get what I'm saying.'

'Fine,' Heather sighed, 'if you're not in a Shakespeare mood then somebody else should do something before Ray goes and gets another question going.'

And that's when Gollum started to sing.

'_The rocks and pool_

_Is nice and cool_

_So juicy sweet_

_Our only wish_

_To catch a fish_

_So juicy sweet_'

The sound of his voice made all the chattering across the audience stop.

'He sounded like a mix between a dying alpaca and a weed hacker,' Heather commented when Gollum finished his singing, 'also, that had nothing to do with the tea-party-thingamabob. I wanted something poetic, not nightmarish.'

'That was,' Ray mumbled into his mike, 'um…really…I don't know what to say.'

Somebody from the audience yelled out 'That's a first!' and Ray was right back to his old self.

'Very funny,' he said in a sarcastic voice, 'now, next question folks! Let's keep the ball rolling.'

It continued on like this. Each person got a chance to say a poem or two when the team scored a point (which happened more often then you would think.) Heather's was the shortest, being a two-liner;

_We won a point,_

_You have a face that makes me disappoint._

Legolas ended up having the longest poem, which started out somewhere around points, then switched to arrow-points, then switched into the long verses of elf history, ending up somewhere between old wars and seedcake. Finally, Ray had to calm him down, and he looked very ruffled.

'Nobody tells an elf prince to be quiet,' he huffed.

The blue team seemed to be getting rather bored at this time, and completely ignored the next question, hearing it only as another verse of the poetry. That made an easy point for the green team, and tied up the game, 14-14.

'The next question could determine a winner!' Ray said in an excited tone, 'Usually at this point I ask for the teams to do a battle cry, but since we've already had so much poetry, I think I'll just skip that part.'

But it was too late, 'Battle cry?' Gimli called out, 'My father, Gloin, had a great tune he used to sing when he was marching out, whether to a battle or to a celebration. I shall recount it now, in this time of need!'

'No!' Ray, Heather, and Amanda all cried out at once, but like I said, it was too late. Gimli started to sing loud and clear, and it took twenty minutes to shut him up. In the end, Heather had to take off one of her socks and wrap it around his face.

'Thank you!' said an exasperated Ray, 'Hurry, next question!'

The word _Novels _popped up on the screen. The blue team groaned; apparently this was the toughest category.

'Name all the members of the Lord of the Rings Fellowship,' the pleasant female voice said. Heather and Amanda looked at each other in shock.

'Easy,' Boromir frowned at the screen, 'Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Legolas, Gimli, I (Boromir), Aragorn, and Gandalf; answer.'

'Correct!'

There was cheering and confetti started to fall. Heather was confused.

'Either that was fluke or that was planned,' she muttered to Amanda as Ray handed a perplexed Boromir a cheque, 'I'm going with planned.'

Then the lights went out and The Fellowship (plus Amanda, Heather, and Gollum, of course) were back in that dark room.

'That wasn't pointless at all,' Heather grumbled sarcastically, pulling out her phone and turning it on.

'Actually, no, it wasn't _point_less,' Legolas reminded her, 'seeing as we ended up with fifteen _points_.'

'_Legolas_ is evolving! _Legolas_ evolved into _annoying comedian_!' Heather hissed at him, but the Pokémon reference was not very effective.

**Couple things before you go :P I don't own the 'fish' poem that Gollum sings, I don't own any of the LOTR characters (sadly :c), etc, etc. **

**This chapter (after reading over it) wasn't nearly as funny as I thought it would be. BEAR WITH ME, HOPEFULLY IT WILL GET BETTER. xD**

**Make sure to read and review!**


	2. Works at a Pet Store!

**GAAAAH, I haven't posted in forever. I'm sorry. I was going to post before I went on a road trip, but I hadn't finished this chapter. I'm back now, though, so please forgive me? c:**

**Also, I realized that Amanda and Heather weren't described at all, so here's a short bio on them that should help you picture situations when reading;**

**Name: Amanda**

**Age: 16**

**Hair colour: Dirty-blondish**

**Weight: Normal**

**Height: Tall**

**Personality: Responsible-ish. At least, more than Heather is.**

**Name: Heather**

**Age: 15**

**Hair colour: Red**

**Weight: Um…let's just say that she guards the potato chips a bit too frequently ;)**

**Height: Short…*gets kicked* aah, did I say short? I meant to say tall. As in 'wow, get me another measuring tape' tall.**

**Personality: Really weird. Kind of a comedy relief. Has a dream of one day flying to the moon via a bag of Skittles (like I said; weird.)**

**Also, if you didn't pick up on it in the first chapter, they're best friends. You'll find out about their actual lives in an upcoming chapter (spoiler alert :P)**

**Thanks to LadyDunla and Pipkin in the Grass for reviewing! Also, thanks to neko-cookie-yuki and Pipkin in the Grass for following this story. And thanks to Pipkin in the Grass for following me…gah, that sounds stalker-ish xD. ANYWHOOO, thanks for all the attention people. It makes me feel all special and such :D **

**More information about upcoming chapters at the bottom of this chapter. Aaaaand I've talked too much already, so enjoy the chapter people!**

'When do you think we'll get out of here?' Heather groaned. It had been several hours since the game show, and they were all absolutely bored.

'If we'll ever get out of here,' Amanda sighed, 'and I'm still really confused about why we were suddenly transported alongside The Fellowship onto a game show.'

'Ditto,' Heather muttered, and then straightened up, 'maybe we're dead and this is just some really crazy afterlife!'

'I don't remember dying,' Amanda said sadly.

'Nor do I,' Aragorn murmured, 'yet that doesn't mean that we didn't.'

'My brain hurts,' Heather rubbed her temples.

'What brain?' Amanda grinned as Heather gave her the finger.

Suddenly, once again, the word turned colourful.

'Oh god, my retinas are burning,' Heather pulled her sweater collar over her eyes; 'I'm going to need glasses after this.'

'You should get Harry Potter ones,' Amanda said to her friend, 'where do you think we are?'

'China.'

'…what?'

'That's what my tag says. Maybe it's an omen.'

'Heather, for one, your sweater must be on backwards, and second it isn't an omen. I think we're at a pet store.'

Heather lifted up her eyes and saw a large grey brick building surrounded by a gravel parking lot.

'Why would you think that?' Heather frowned, 'It looks like a dentist office to me.'

'Probably because is has a large neon sign on it that says 'Bob's Pet Store', but that's just a hunch.'

'…oh.'

'We should probably look into those glasses.'

'What's a pet store, precioussss?' Gollum walked up to Amanda and peered up creepily at the building, 'Does it have foodses, precious, foodses?'

'It sells pets, but knowing your diet, pets and food are probably interchangeable,' Amanda scuffled away from the creature, 'we should go inside.'

'Are you sure?' Heather looked around, 'I mean, it's in the middle of nowhere. This could be a trap.'

'Come on, Admiral Ackbar in training,' Amanda grinned, 'the game show wasn't a flop, so why should this be one?'

'Fine, but if this is some creepy monster hideout…'

'Heather, remember what you said? We have armed men all around us.'

'Right, I keep forgetting that…it's actually kind of a handy asset.'

'Agreed.'

They, along with The Fellowship, walked up to the structure. Gollum trailed behind, yet then started to squeal.

'A pool! A pool, precious, yes, full of fishses maybe? Slimy, crunchy fishses? _Gollum_, _gollum_,' he pointed wildly over to a murky swampy area at the other side of the parking lot.

'Not now, Gollum,' Amanda sighed as if he was a child, 'and besides, that water looks polluted.'

'Yeah,' Heather piped up sarcastically, 'because we'd hate to wreck your _pure soul_ by letting you eat contaminated fish.'

In the end, Boromir had to pick up Gollum and clamp his mouth shut using Heather's last sock.

'Dude,' she huffed, looking down at her bare feet as she slid them into her shoes, 'I'm going to get awful blisters.'

They eventually got to the building's door and opened it. A bell tinkled, and Aragorn poked his head into the building.

'Hullo?' he called out, and cautiously pulled out his sword. There was no answer.

'Huh,' Amanda frowned. She looked at a nearby sheet of paper that said when the pet store opened; two o'clock. 'Heather, what time is it?'

Heather pulled out her phone and started it. Nothing happened. 'Shit. Shit-shit-shit and a pile of pancakes.'

'Yummy,' Amanda gagged, 'but what's wrong?'

'My phone is dead,' Heather grimaced, 'no light for us anymore in that tiny dark room.'

'Your…_phone_,' Sam pronounced the word as 'fawn' and Amanda stifled a laugh, 'died? How? Did it starve?'

'Perhaps we can revive it!' Legolas cried out.

'I know of some herbs that could help,' Aragorn muttered to himself.

'And Pippin and I could get it some ale to wake it up!'

'Good idea, Merry!'

'You should lay it out on the ground so it can rest!'

'Would singing help it?'

'Should I blow my horn?'

'_No_, Boromir.'

'If Gandalf was here it would be alive quick as lightning!'

'We could eats it, preciousss.'

'Oi, the sock fell off. Boromir, mind slipping it back on?'

'Perhaps if we splashed its face with water…'

'Or ale!'

'_Yes_, Merry, or ale…'

'Guys!' Heather screeched, 'None of those things will work!'

The Fellowship looked aghast.

'N-no!' Sam broke out, 'So _phone_ really is…dead?'

'We shall sail it out on that pond,' Aragorn stepped out of the building and pointed to the murky pool, 'Merry and Pippin, go find an adequate boat.'

The hobbits ran off. Aragorn approached Heather and, very quickly, snatched the phone from her hand.

'Hey!' Heather shouted, 'What are you doing?'

'This must be a hard time for you,' he said in a comforting tone, 'we will take it from here.'

'What are you doing with my phone?'

Merry and Pippin appeared from behind the pet store carrying an empty Timbits box.

'Ah, good, the ceremonial boat,' Aragorn nodded and took the container from the hobbits.

'That's not ceremonial!' Heather shrieked, 'It's an old doughnut box!'

'Come, lads,' Aragorn dropped the phone into the box, 'Boromir, hold her down.'

Boromir, already burdened with Gollum, had difficulties grasping Heather at the same time. The rest of the company, followed by a very confused and laughing Amanda, walked over to the swampy area.

'Down worry, Heather, my love!' Amanda called back in a singsong voice, 'I'll save the _phone_!'

'Boromir, let me go!' Heather ducked down to get away from the man's arm, but to no avail, 'I know how to save the freakin' phone!'

'Yet you said it was dead,' Boromir scowled at her.

'Dead, but still edible, precioussss,' Gollum hissed. Boromir, with no free hand, hit Gollum on the head with his chin to shut him up.

Down by the pool the company had gathered to say some words to the 'dead' phone.

'It was a great friend,' sniffled Sam, 'giving us light in dark places and all.'

'Too true, too true,' Aragorn nodded solemnly. Then the entire group started to sing a song about death, whilst Amanda shoved her entire fist into her mouth to keep herself from having a laughter meltdown.

'And now,' Aragorn announced when the singing stopped, 'farewell, light-giving companion.'

Then he stooped low, placed the box on top of the water, and gave it a push. It swiveled across the pond, causing ripples as it scooted away from water plants that poked out from underneath. Heather was given a brief glance of it - a yellow container, no more than a small shape from her pet store view – before the water seemingly sucked it under its surface. One second there, the next, underwater.

'YOU ARE ALL BASTARDS,' Heather shouted as she squirmed out of Boromir's grasp, 'NOW WE WON'T EVER HAVE ANY MORE LIGHT IN THAT DAMNED ROOM, AND I WON'T BE ABLE TO PLAY ANGRY BIRDS EVER AGAIN!'

She ran to the pool and gave a sound somewhat like 'SSSCREEghphhhmp' as she sat down on the gravel.

'Do you think your phone's insurance will apply to this situation?' Amanda asked hopefully as a few bubbles rose up from the deep.

'Last time I checked, losing your phone to a bunch of book characters because they held some demented doughnut funeral procession wasn't in the warranty!' Heather hissed angrily.

Suddenly, Gollum padded up to the lake excitedly and dove in. A few more bubbles appeared, and then silence.

'Holy shit,' Heather backed away from the water, 'I bet there's a monster down there. I bet it ate my phone, I bet it ate Gollum, and I bet it's going to come up and eat us.'

Then Gollum's head popped up holding Heather's phone between his sparse teeth.

'If we were actually betting, you would have just lost a lot of money right now,' Amanda commented as Heather started to dance.

'I KNEW YOU WEREN'T AS BAD AS YOU LOOKED!' Heather said in an attempt to compliment the creature, 'Your new name, Gollum, is Phone-Saver!'

Gollum paddled up to the shore via his feet and sat like a wet dog with the phone in his mouth. Then, abruptly, he swallowed it.

'HOLY SHIT,' before anyone could say anything, Heather had Gollum by the neck and was shaking him, 'THROWITUPTHROWITUP_THROWITUP_!'

Gollum, of course, started to choke. He vomited right on Heather's sweater and then dropped down, cursing and shrieking.

'His new name,' Amanda gasped through laughter, 'is Phone-Vomiter, kay?'

'My phooooooone,' Heather looked down at the fallen cell, waterlogged and covered in bile and assorted fish bones. It was a heart-wrenching sight.

'You know, Heather, if you had gotten a Nokia like I told you to, that phone would be fine. But noooooo, Androids are betterrr,' Amanda stuck out her tongue.

'It'll work!' Heather decided, 'It just needs some…some TLC.'

'And hospitalization, by the looks of it,' Amanda commented.

When The Fellowship and Amanda finally dragged Heather back to the pet store, it was well past noon. They clambered into the building and looked around.

'Hey, look!' Amanda called out, holding up a bundle of clothes; 'Uniforms! I didn't notice them before…we should put them on.'

Heather grabbed an outfit grumpily and peeled off her gross sweater. She put on the new attire and wrinkled her nose. 'Green. Out of all the colours that the uniform could be, they chose green.'

'Green's a nice colour,' Boromir commented, pulling on a 'Bob's Pet Store' apron.

'It makes my skin look like somebody has shoved grass under it,' Heather sighed angrily.

'Really gross picture in my head, Heather,' Amanda frowned, and then surveyed the group. Even Gollum was now dressed in a uniform piece. 'We all look…great…'

'The feeling isn't mutual,' Heather huffed, 'in my opinion, we look like a circus act.'

Suddenly, a bell rang. Amanda jumped and looked up, just in time to see a digital clock on the wall blink '2:00' rapidly. 'Ah, the store should be open now.'

'Where are the employees?' Heather asked, looking around.

'I think…I think we're them,' Amanda guessed tentatively.

'Great,' Heather huffed, 'first contestants at a game show, now we work at a pet store. Well, since this place isn't loaded with customers, I'm going to look around.'

She stalked off, anger radiating off of her, only to run back squealing. 'OH MY GOD, there's some baby hamsters at the back!'

Amanda, Merry, Pippin, Frodo, Gimli, and Sam all followed her to the end of the store. The entire rear was devoted to animals. Heather pointed to a small cage with little puffs of fluff.

'What's a hamster, preciousss?' a voice came from behind them as they 'ooed' and 'awed'.

'NO!' Amanda shrieked, 'Gollum, get away! You'll eat them!'

Gollum sighed and hopped away, not to be seen for a few hours.

'The animals look hungry,' Amanda commented after awhile, 'Heather, go check that door over there and see what's behind it.'

Heather pranced over (she had forgotten about her phone because the hamsters were so cute) and opened the door. A light was on, and displayed countless boxes of food.

Meanwhile, at the front of the store, the bell tinkled. The first customer of the day walked in; some old lady who looked slightly blind. She carried a cane with her.

'Aragorn,' Boromir whispered into Aragorn's ear, 'she's armed.'

He pointed to her cane. Aragorn sucked in breath.

'Let me handle this,' he murmured, striding up to the woman. She surveyed him with her pale eyes. 'Excuse me, lady, but your weapon must be left at the door.'

He made a move to grab it, and the elderly woman attacked.

'YOU YOUNG WHIPPERSNAPPER,' she hollered, whacking him with her cane, 'TRYING TO HARM SOME OLD LADY, ARE YOU? WELL, GRANDMA TOOK JUDO A FEW YEARS BACK, SO YOU'D BETTER WATCH OUT!'

Aragorn, completely baffled by the woman's strength, succumbed to getting whacked in the forehead by the cane.

'Boromir!' he cried, 'Kill her!'

Boromir didn't know whether to laugh or fight. He settled by letting Legolas handle the problem.

'Legolas!' he shouted. The elf appeared from behind an aisle. 'Aragorn is under attack!'

Legolas peered over at Aragorn, who was currently rolled up in the fetal position as the old lady took turns whacking him with her cane and her purse. 'Indeed! I shall stop this at once!'

The elf quickly ran over to the lady and grabbed her cane from her hand. She gave him a perplexed look.

'Sir, I-' he stopped and looked at her carefully, 'oh, lady, I request that you stop hurting my friend…'

The old woman nodded and looked down. 'I was frightened.'

Pleased with himself, Legolas nodded, 'Understandably. Aragorn, son of Arathorn, can be quite scary. Now, I ask that you-'

Then the old woman pulled a can of pepper spray from her purse and shot him right in the eyes.

'Alas!' Legolas fell to the ground, 'I am blinded!'

Then the old lady turned to Boromir, her last opponent. She reached for something behind her…

'Shit,' Boromir whispered (he had learned quickly from Heather.)

In the back of the shop, Heather was hiding behind Gimli.

'Ew, no no no no no!' she squealed as Amanda extracted a live rat from a box, 'Do we have to feed the snake?'

'Do you want it to go hungry?' Amanda asked, holding the rat as far away from her face as possible.

'Yes!'

'Too bad.'

She slid open the mesh topper on the snake's cage and dropped in the rat. It was over immediately.

'Excuse me while I go throw up,' Heather mumbled, clutching her stomach.

'Heather,' Amanda placed her hands on her hips, 'trust you to be the girliest of us all when it comes to feeding snakes.'

'OH NO!' Heather suddenly cried out.

'What?' Amanda sighed, 'If you're going to throw up, go find a toilet or something.'

'_You forgot to close the rat box,_' Heather climbed up onto a shelf and pointed at the cardboard box that contained the animals. Amanda whipped around just in time to see the final rodent slip out of it.

'Crap,' Amanda cringed. She turned to the hobbits and Gimli, who all looked a bit squeamish. 'Okay. Stay calm. I think there were about ten rats in the box…minus the one I just fed to the snake…so we need to get nine rats. Merry and Pippin; look around here. Frodo and Sam, you can look in the middle of the store. Gimli, Heather and I will look at the front. Got it?'

'I'm not coming down from my shelf,' Heather hissed, 'I have had bad experiences with mice and I'm _not_ having any more!'

'That's fine,' Amanda said lightly, 'seeing as these aren't mice; they're rats. Now come down, or else I'll find a rat and put it down your shirt when you're not suspecting it.'

Heather clambered down quickly, yet walked to the front on her tiptoes.

'If I get bitten, I swear I will never talk to you again,' she muttered to Amanda.

'Fine by me,' Amanda grinned jokingly.

When they got to the front of the store, they were surprised when they found Boromir, Legolas and Aragorn all on the ground in various positions.

'We leave you alone for _five minutes_,' Heather sighed.

'What happened?' Amanda asked anxiously.

The three men exchanged pained looks.

'A bear,' Legolas finally mumbled, but his hands were over his face so it was hard to hear him.

'With two heads,' Aragorn added, clutching his shoulders.

'And a tail that was like a whip,' Boromir supplied hopefully.

'Seems legit,' Heather nodded as Amanda bent her head in shame.

'Seriously guys,' she finally said, 'what happened?'

There was no answer.

'Was it a customer?' Heather asked with a giggle.

The men looked guiltily at the floor.

'We can't help you if you don't tell us what happened,' Amanda surveyed them.

'It was an old lady,' Aragorn finally gave in. There was a pregnant silence, then;

'…what?'

Heather burst out laughing and fell to the floor, joining the three other men.

'She had a cane!' Aragorn cried out angrily.

'And a spray that burns the eyes!' Legolas groaned.

'And a dog,' Boromir recounted vacantly, 'a dog with teeth as sharp as blades, yet small as a cat.'

'You guys were defeated by a cane, pepper spray, and a Chihuahua!' Heather gasped in between laughs, 'Oh god, Middle Earth's finest have been beat by an old lady!'

'Now, Heather, be nice,' Amanda smothered a smile, 'they're obviously in…pain.'

'I feel like my vision has been poisoned,' Legolas groaned.

'"Legolas, what do your elf eyes see?"' Heather quoted Aragorn in a deep tone, then switched to a high pitch voice for Legolas, '"Nothing, Aragorn, an old lady blinded me with Mace!"'

'You need to stop talking to yourself,' Amanda sighed, 'now, let's get the wounded out of the doorway before we scare off customers.'

An hour later, Legolas, Boromir and Aragorn were better. Legolas was still blinking rapidly, Boromir couldn't use his left hand because it was thickly bandaged, and Aragorn had two black eyes, but Amanda deemed them fit to work, and with their help they caught every rat.

All went smoothly for another hour. Customers came in, bought things, and left without harming any members of The Fellowship. Then, suddenly, Amanda cried out; 'Where's Gollum?'

No one answered.

'Um,' Heather said slowly, 'this isn't good.'

Just then, a female customer walked in; 'I'm looking for a fish for my daughter. It's her birthday.'

'Yeah, yeah,' Amanda slowly nodded and then turned to the rest of the company, 'everybody, follow me. No one goes anywhere alone now, okay? Gollum might have set up a trap.'

'Uh, hello?' the woman called out, 'I don't think you all need a pep talk before selling me anything.'

'Right, yeah,' Amanda agreed tentatively, 'follow us…stay close.'

The woman raised an eyebrow but shrugged and followed the entire group.

'D'you have any goldfish?' she asked as they neared the aquariums.

'Yeah, plen-' Amanda started to say, and then she stopped. All the fish were gone.

'Where are all the fish?' Heather asked quietly. All at once, the company hissed; 'Gollum!'

Then a bloodcurdling voice started to sing;

_Fish, fish, a lovely dish,_

_Eat 'em raw! Hear them crunch!_

_Bones and skin, my mouth they're in!_

_Tasty, tasty, slimy fish. _

'No!' Amanda cried out as Gollum, with a bulging stomach, waddled into the aisle holding a wiggling Koi. He stopped and stared at the company.

'What's that?' the woman screeched.

'A dog…that can talk…that is a game show contestant/winner…that is also an employee here,' Heather explained faintly.

'Gollum!' Amanda hissed, 'Don't eat that fish! It's worth a lot of money!'

Gollum looked at the squirming creature and back at Amanda. Slowly, he raised his hand over a fish tank as if to drop the fish in.

'Ah, good Gollum, good!' Amanda breathed a sigh of relief. Then Gollum cackled and bit the head off of the fish. 'NO!'

'Look,' the woman said in a startled voice, 'can I just get a fish and go?'

Heather stalked up to Gollum. 'Do we have any goldfish left?'

'Pretty little golden fishses? Yum, yum, yum, nope!'

'Any Bettas? You know, the blue and red fish?'

'In my stomach they go, preciousss.'

'Any guppies? Did you eat the small fish too?'

'Little bites of tasty flesh, we loved them, preciousss, _gollum_, _gollum_!'

'Are there _any _fish left?'

'Nope, no fishses, all in my stomach; lovely, tasty, crunchable fishses they were!'

Amanda turned to the disgusted woman. 'Perhaps we can interest you in a hamster?'

'You mean those lovely fluffy creatures, precious?' Gollum asked. Amanda faced him with a look of horror. 'Theys were delicious, my precious, we eats them and they squealed!'

'YOU ATE THE BABY HAMSTERS?' Heather screamed, 'I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD, YOU LOATHSOME PIECE OF COW CARCASS!'

'I think I'll buy a fish at some other place,' the woman nodded faintly and ran away. Boromir had to once more hold Heather back.

'What are we going to do with no more fish?' Amanda frowned, 'We can't run a pet store without any fish…or…Gollum, I can't believe you ate those hamsters! Damn you!'

'DAMN HIM?' Heather yelled, 'WHY NOT LOCK HIM IN A CLOSET FULL OF POINTY FORKS AND TURN ON TWENTY FANS AND LET HIM BLOW AROUND FOR A FEW HOURS WHILST GETTING FORKED, AND THEN BATHE HIM IN A POOL OF HAND SANITIZER, AND THEN SHOOT ANGRY BIRDS INTO HIS NOSTRILS AND THEN GIVE HIM KLEENEX, AND WHILST HE IS BUSY POUR HOT WAX ALL OVER HIS FEET, THEN USE HIS FOOT HAIR AND MAKE HIS FEET INTO LOVELY CANDLES, AND THEN BURN THEM USING-'

'Okay, Heather, we get it,' Amanda raised an eyebrow at her friend and then turned to the company, 'we need to get more fish. It's about five o'clock, and this place doesn't close until nine. Merry and Pippin, I elect you two to go out to that swampy area and see if you can find any replacement fish. Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas, I want you to man the cashier-place-area…Boromir, Frodo and Sam, I want you to lock Gollum in a closet. And Heather and I will help customers. Got it?'

'Well,' Pippin exclaimed, 'that's a fine idea, but we won't catch any fish if we don't have any fishing tools!'

'Good point,' Amanda nodded, 'everybody, to their stations. Merry and Pippin; Heather and I shall make you fishing rods.'

'Out of what?' Heather grumbled as everybody went to where they were supposed to be, 'We have nothing to work with!'

'What about those cat toys at the front of the shop? The ones that looked like wands?'

'You mean the pink ones?'

'Yeah…'

Heather raised an eyebrow, and her mood changed completely. She started to laugh. '_Deal!_'

Whilst Heather and Amanda fashioned cat-toy-fishing-rods, Boromir, Frodo, and Sam all had hold of Gollum (Boromir had the head; Frodo, an arm; Sam, both of the legs.) With his one free arm, Gollum managed to get a hold of Sam's hair, and rip a huge chunk out of it. The poor hobbit cried out, yet Gollum, satisfied with his accomplishment, made no other attempts at hurting his captors and let them stuff him into a small room.

'Sam!' Frodo cried out as soon as the door was shut, 'Are you alright?'

Sam touched his head and winced. 'See for yourself, Mr Frodo.'

He ducked his head and showed Boromir and Frodo. There was a large bald patch in the centre of his hair.

'It looks almost like a cloud,' Boromir nodded, trying to keep back laughter.

'Or a face,' Frodo turned his head and stared at the patch, 'if you look right at it.'

Then the two burst into laughter as Sam blushed.

Back with Amanda and Heather, the cat toys had the catnip ends to them torn off and replaced with bent bobby pins. They presented them proudly to Merry and Pippin, alongside an old fish tank that they were to put their findings into.

'Be back soon!' Amanda called.

'If you reel in something mutated, don't put it back unless you think it's radioactive!' Heather told them wisely.

A normal hour went past, and the two hobbits returned. The fish tank was full of murky water, so clouded that you couldn't tell if they had any fish.

'Well?' Heather asked impatiently as they plopped the tank down on the ground, splashing some of the water onto the tile floor.

'Five!' Merry said proudly.

'Only five?' Amanda asked, 'You had an hour!'

'We had some emergencies along the way, lady!' Pippin frowned, holding up his bleeding finger.

'Oh god,' Heather's eyes were wide, 'is that a fish bite?'

'Yes…'

'You're now contaminated with zombie-fish venom. Congratulations!' Heather hid behind Legolas, 'If you go crazy, you can have the elf.'

Amanda sighed. 'Just put the fish into a display tank.'

Pippin nodded and, using a small net that hung on a nearby aquarium, fished up the first fish…or, at least, bits of it. Bloody bits of fins and a fish head were all he could catch.

'You cannibals!' Heather screeched into the water.

The next fifteen scoops brought up nothing but bloody fish bits and slime. Finally, Boromir became inpatient.

'If we can't find a fish by netting it, then putting it into our element shall work!' he declared, and tipped over the murky fish tank with his foot.

Disgusting goop, bloody fish, weeds, and one massive fish fell onto the floor, along with a river of brown water. Heather shrieked and crawled up onto a nearby aquarium, only to bring it crashing down. Glass shattered and cut at the ankles of The Fellowship, and fresh water flooded the area. The huge fish flopped around, its mouth adorned with bloody fish guts. The company tried to get away, yet they all slipped and fell into the disgusting mess which Boromir and Heather had created.

Then the world went dark.

A phone screen was switched on, and Heather's bright eyes looked around. They were back in the dark room.

'Well that all hit the fan,' she commented, surveying the crowd, 'let's see what state we're all in; Boromir, you look like a rabid squirrel has tried to eat you; Legolas, your eyes are still red, so you look like you've been doing some hardcore drugs; Aragorn looks like he's been beaten with Boromir's rabid squirrel; Sam's hair looks like a doughnut; Frodo has a smear of slime on his head that reminds me of Harry Potter; Pippin, your hands look like said rabid squirrel tried to eat your fingers off; Merry, you're covered in sparkles from the cat toy; Amanda, the aquarium water that I spilt hit you the hardest; and I have massive blisters and still smell like Gollum vomit…and we're all covered in swamp shit and look like we just got out of a slightly unsuccessful Achilles tendon breaking ceremony since the glass kind of attacked our heels.'

'Whats about me, preciousss?' Gollum suddenly appeared from the gloom.

'Ah, glad you could join us, Gollum,' Heather sighed, 'you're looking the best out of all of us, which is sad.'

'Heather…' Amanda said slowly, 'how do you have a phone?'

Heather grinned evilly; 'Some stupid customer left their iPhone on the cashier's counter and I claimed it.'

'Heather!'

'Don't get angry at me; it's an iPhone 4S!'

'So?'

'Now we have Siri!'

'…'

'So we can ask questions and such…'

'…'

'Like, for example,' Heather tapped a few things on the screen and then spoke loudly to it; 'Siri, where are they taking the hobbits?'

**To Isengard...duh :D**

**Mmkay, as promised, here is a bit about upcoming stuff. I'm thinking about maybe twenty of these story-things (overkill or too few? I need some feedback :c). I have something really special in mind for the tenth and twentieth stories/chapters, so those are going to be a super long ones…here are some teasers, though, for upcoming 'normal' chapters (if you can call them normal…) in no specific order:**

**- _The Fellowship…Runs a McDonalds!_**

**- _The Fellowship…Owns a Grocery Store!_**

**- _The Fellowship…Runs a Daycare!_**

**- _The Fellowship…Gets Stuck in an Elevator for Twenty-Four Hours!_ (Oh ye gods, getting stuck in an elevator for a day with Gollum…that's going to be a fun one :P)**

**Those are just a sampling, people. So make sure to Read and Review so I'll have incentive to update often!**

**Note: I really want some feedback :D If you guys could just tell me your opinions on the amount of chapters, quality of chapters, etc, that'd be supermegafoxyawesomehot.**

**I should probably shut up now, seeing as I have close to five hundred words of notes on this story, so talk to you next chapter!**


	3. Flies on a Plane!

**Hello everyone and welcome back to The Fellowship! In this fine episode, The Fellowship Flies on a Plane!**

**Gracelin; thanks for the feedback and the review! The spin-the-bottle idea is funny, and I feel like I could have a lot of fun making Heather have to kiss Gollum (ewurgh o.O), but I have promised no romance :C Although you have given me a great idea, and that is for them to do a non-romantic Truth-or-Dare session :D Thank-you very much!**

**Pipkin in the Grass; it's good to know that if I suddenly decided to make `1721823667342657863292573932 8 chapters, somebody would read them all :D Thanks for the feedback :3**

**BvBFallenAngels; I should have put a label at the beginning of the story; 'No real hamsters or fish died in the making of this.' Oh well, live and let be :P Thank-you for feedback!**

**Songwriter99; I know, there are so many teenagers and Fellowship stories out there, I decided to shake things up a bit :D Thanks for the feedback :3**

**Also, thanks to TheJoyOfDarkness, BvBFallenAngels, Songwriter99, and MsLoveToRead789 for subscribing! Also, thanks to BvBFallenAngels for following :)**

**If I ever miss thanking you and you have subscribed/favourited/reviewed/etc this story, tell me and I will write you a lovely (not really xD) poem to make up for it. The same thing goes if I say, for example, that you favourited my story but really you reviewed it, or I messed up your username, or something along those lines. So keep on feedback-ing, people, and maybe I'll mess up and be forced to write a haiku or something xD**

**Alrighty, enough babbling; here is the next The Fellowship chapter:**

'Siri, where are they taking the hobbits?' Heather asked for the millionth time.

'STOP ASKING SIRI THAT!' Amanda screeched, 'It was funny the first fifty times, but you're making me go _insane_.'

'Fine, Mandy-boo, what do you propose we do in this utterly black confined space?' Heather sighed, turning off the phone. The room went dark.

'Wait quietly until we get transported again?'

'That's boring.'

'So is your face.'

'Siri, where are they ta-,'

'I TAKE IT BACK.'

'How long have we been in here?' an exasperated voice called out from across the blackness; Frodo.

'Too long,' Amanda sighed.

'Legolas, do your elf-eyes see anything?' Aragorn could be heard.

'Nay, and they still burn.'

There was an awkward silence.

'So…' Amanda finally ventured to say, 'does The Fellowship have any questions about this world?'

'You mean the black box?'

'No, I mean like the modern world that we keep on visiting.'

The Fellowship mulled this over.

'It's really bright,' Legolas finally said, 'all the flashing lights burn my eyes, just like the…pepper spray, is it called?'

'It looks weird, if you get what I'm saying,' Sam nodded in the darkness, 'the buildings, the objects…everything is smooth and shiny and such…and the people are strange. It isn't at all like the Shire…'

Amanda frowned; she felt bad, really, for these people. They had been torn from what they loved and now…now they were placed into a contemporary world, not at all like their own.

'The foodses is good, preciousss.'

Okay. That was one person she didn't feel bad for.

'Yeah, speaking of food,' Pippin cried out, 'I'm half-starved!'

Then, once again, the world became bright.

'_My eyes,_' Legolas moaned, covering his face with his hands again.

'Why does it always have to be so goddamn light out?' Heather groaned, pulling the pet store uniform over her head (for they still had them on.)

'Where are we?' Amanda asked, looking around; they were on a long, unrecognizable stretch of pavement.

Heather brought up her face and blinked. 'A…parking lot?'

'A really big one, then,' Amanda held up a hand to her face to block the sun, 'you can't see the end of it.'

'Uh…'manda?'

'Yep?'

'Plane.'

'What plane?'

Amanda swiveled around to where Heather was pointing a finger. A huge jet was parked no more than a few metres from where they stood.

'Oh,' Amanda nodded faintly, 'that plane.'

'And you said _I_ needed glasses,' Heather stuck out her tongue.

'What _is_ that?' Frodo asked nervously.

'A plane,' Heather explained helpfully, 'it…um…flies? And it's made of metal. And sometimes they crash. And then the people inside die.'

'Heather!' Amanda scolded.

'What?' Heather frowned, 'I'm telling them the truth.'

'What's the purpose of one?' Aragorn questioned, stepping up to tap it.

'DON'T TOUCH IT, YOU'LL DIE!' Heather shouted at the top of her lungs. Aragorn jumped, tripped on his feet, and fell to the pavement. 'Joking, joking.'

'Heather, you're being a troll today.'

'Amanda, you're being a buzz kill today…oh, wait! That's everyday.'

'Ha ha.'

'Your face is a 'ha ha'.'

Suddenly a person stepped out from behind the plane. There was a creepy silence.

'Um…' Boromir called out. 'Hullo?'

'Hi!' the person said in a cheerful voice, 'Ready to board?'

'Uh…' Amanda said faintly.

'But this looks like a _private _jet,' Heather pointed out.

The person shrugged. 'Yes, and it's _your_ private jet.'

More silence. Then Heather started to dance.

'HOLY SHIT, we own a jet! We own a jet! WE OWN A JET!' Heather picked up Aragorn (who was still lying on the ground for some reason) and twirled him around. Then she decided that he was too fat to twirl, so she let him fall again and danced solo.

'Um,' the person by the jet nodded, 'do you want to board?'

'YES.' Heather shrieked, and then frolicked over to where some stairs had been set up to the door of the plane.

'O-okay?' Amanda slowly walked after Heather, 'C'mon, Fellowship, this looks like our next adventure.'

The Fellowship gradually followed her. Aragorn was limping and crouched over from his two falls onto the pavement.

When they got inside the plane, there was a moment of stillness.

'Woah,' Amanda gasped.

'Yeah,' Heather agreed.

The entire jet was padded and rich looking. There were sofas and TVs and just about any comfortable furnishing that you could think of. And everywhere you looked, there were servants.

Needless to say, the bedraggled Fellowship in their uniforms and 'swamp shit' did not fit in.

'Hopefully you enjoy your stay!' a nearby attendant faked a smile, 'Showers are…uh…behind you.'

Heather grimaced at this remark, but Amanda jumped at the chance. 'I call showering first!'

'There are two showers,' the person said, 'yet you will have to wait until takeoff to use them.'

'I call the second stall,' Heather announced as most of the servers left the room. The door to the jet closed and there was a moment of silence. 'I…guess we sit down?'

'We'll ruin the chairs,' Amanda pointed out.

'Like I care,' Heather sat straight down on a couch and crossed her arms. The rest of the company joined her.

In a few minutes, a person came out of a nearby 'Staff' door. 'It's time for takeoff. Please buckle your seatbelts!'

A 'SEATBELT' light above the door blinked on; a flashy piece of neon tubing that changed colours to match a rainbow.

'Schmancy,' Heather commented, plucking a seatbelt from the lining of her seat cushion and pulling it across her waist. Amanda did likewise. The rest of the company gave them odd looks.

'What's a seatbelt, precioussssss?' Gollum hissed. He was sitting next to Boromir, who had been appointed as his guard.

'Oh,' Amanda slapped her forehead, 'I forgot that you didn't know!'

'It's an evil device that tightens when you move. If you move too much, it squeezes your brain out through your ears,' Heather depicted the gross event with her hands. The hobbits all huddled together in fright.

'Heather, stop being a troll!' Amanda snapped, 'A seatbelt saves lives! It doesn't squish your brain!'

'It only helps the brainless,' Heather muttered to Frodo, 'that's why Amanda can use one and not be scared. As for me, I'm terrified right now.'

'Heather!'

'Kidding, kidding.'

It took another thirty minutes to get the hobbits to put on their seatbelts. The jet had to delay takeoff, and it took Boromir and Aragorn to hold down Sam long enough for Amanda to slip the seatbelt over him. Gollum refused the seatbelt entirely.

'Gollum, if you don't put on the bloody seatbelt, we'll never leave!' Amanda groaned, 'Everybody else has one on, I don't see why you have to make such a fuss!'

'Ssssss, precious, it confines us, yes! Confines us and pinches us, yes, my love, my preciousssss,' Gollum rocked back and forth on the seat. An on hand flight attendant gave him a look.

'What…is he?' they asked slowly.

'He's a dog that can talk that also is a game show contestant/winner, and a pet store employee,' Heather said as if it was the most obvious thing.

'Ah,' the person nodded, 'he's a…dog? Then he needs a dog crate.'

'Yes!' Heather agreed before Amanda could say anything, 'Yes, that's what he needs!'

The person left and Gollum gave Heather a quizzical look. 'What's a 'dog crate', precious?'

'A really tasty type of fish,' Heather smiled really big. Gollum hissed suspiciously, yet settled back into his seat. The worker was back soon with a small grey box. Before Gollum could react, Heather picked him up, stuffed him into the container, and slammed the door shut. He shrieked horribly, and his slimy fingers groped out of the bars of his door.

'There,' the person said in an exasperated voice, placing the crate onto the ground, 'now everyone is settled and we can takeoff!'

They left quickly, not wanting to be around Gollum. The latter was hissing and spitting, thrashing around in his confinement like some demented jack-in-the-box. Eventually he calmed down, and only made a faint 'ssssss' sound whenever somebody walked near him.

The plane started to move down the pavement outside, and the hobbits looked nervously out the window.

'I don't like how fast it's moving!' Sam commented anxiously, 'Does it get much faster?'

Heather grinned mischievously. 'No, Sam, it doesn't go any faster than this.'

Sam laid back against his seat in relief. 'Thank goodness!'

Then the plane lifted off of the ground.

'_Agh!_' Sam shouted, attempting to jump off of his seat but failing because of his seatbelt. For safety reasons, the belt tightened at that moment, and he immediately started to wail; '_It's squeezing my brains out!_'

That caused a huge commotion. Merry and Pippin both thrashed about, knocking over Aragorn which caused him to get tangled up in various seatbelts. Gollum's cage was kicked over by Frodo, whom was struggling to get off of his seat, and the crate started to roll down towards the 'Staff' door. The door opened and a curious head poked out. There was just enough of a crack in the doorway to let Gollum spin in and crash into a closet area. This made Heather start to laugh uncontrollably, which led the hobbits to believe that her seatbelt was throttling her and making her go mad.

In the end, it took about an hour to calm everyone down. The seatbelt light blinked out and Heather and Amanda took off The Fellowship's belts. Sam was so frightened that he sort of rolled off of the sofa and sat in a fetal position on the floor.

'Well,' Heather announced when everyone had become silent, 'I need to shower.'

'Ditto,' Amanda jumped up and headed to one out of two bathrooms. Then she stopped. 'Heather?'

'Yep?' Heather was already halfway through her door.

'We can't leave The Fellowship alone!'

'Watch us,' Heather grinned and slammed her door shut. Amanda paused, bit her lip, and then shrugged and closed her door too. The Fellowship didn't move.

That is, until a new person, probably a waiter, walked up to them and bowed. 'Can I offer any of you any drinks?'

'What do you have, lad?' Gimli asked.

'What are you interested in?'

'Beer, probably,' Legolas smiled and shook his head.

'We have many alcoholic beverages,' the waiter nodded, 'would you care for some shots?'

'Shots?' Legolas frowned.

'Tequila shots, perhaps?' the waiter suggested, 'They are a usual favourite.'

'What are they?' Gimli inquired.

'Um,' the waiter said, taken off his guard, 'alcoholic beverages…?'

Gimli turned to Legolas. 'Whatever they are, I am sure that a dwarf could easily drink more of them than a puny elf!'

'I agree to your challenge, master dwarf,' Legolas nodded.

'Good,' Gimli turned back to the waiter, 'we'll start with twenty!'

'Tw-twenty?' the waiter shook his head as if to clear it, 'That's quite a lot!'

'Dwarves can handle it,' Gimli raised a fist into the air.

'An elf can too,' Legolas said proudly.

The waiter started to ask what they meant, but only frowned. 'O-okay, twenty shots for the both of you to share, now what ab-'

'Not twenty shots for the both of us to share, twenty shots each!' Gimli declared.

'That – I – okay, whatever,' the waiter gave up, 'can I interest anyone else in drinks?'

'I'll have some wine,' Aragorn shrugged.

'Okay,' the waiter snapped back into his waiter-style, 'we have Old Stork 2005, Red River 1995, Yellow Rolling Hills 1999, Tres-'

'It bothers me not,' Aragorn cut him off and slouched back in his seat.

'Okay,' the waiter seemed slightly offended, yet he turned to Boromir, 'and you?'

'I'll have some beer,' Boromir decided.

'Right,' the waiter grasped at a normal order, 'how many bottles? Or would you like some in a glass or-'

'Bottles?' Boromir grimaced, 'I'll have the whole thing.'

'The…entire case?' the waiter's eye twitched.

'Why not?'

The waiter clenched his fists and turned to the hobbits. 'And you four?'

'A quarter pint, please,' Pippin said.

'A quarter pint,' the waiter repeated faintly.

'I'm more hungry than thirsty,' Pippin explained, 'a quarter pint of beer first, and then maybe later I'll have a half.'

'I'll have the same,' agreed Merry.

'Aye,' Sam said.

'I'll have some water,' Frodo quietly said.

'Right,' the waiter nodded weakly, 'the management also would like me to tell you that we're offering cigars for you to try…if you for some reason _don't _know what those are, you smoke them…'

'Cigars?' Sam shook his head, 'How about some weed?'

The waiter blinked, squared his shoulders, and left the room abruptly without another word.

'What?' Sam looked shocked, 'All I wanted was some pipe-weed…'

'Maybe they don't have it in this world,' Pippin exclaimed.

That broke out an entire debate about how this 'modern' world was such a dreary place. It was becoming a really heated discussion when the drinks rolled in on a metal cart.

'Oh, good,' Gimli smiled, 'I was getting thirsty!'

A large case of beer was hauled over to Boromir (who lifted it like it was no deal), Aragorn was given a whole bottle of wine, Legolas and Gimli each had their own platters for their shot glasses, and the Hobbits all had ridiculously large glasses filled with very small amounts of beer (except for Frodo, who sipped daintily from his small cup.)

The waiter who had taken their orders stepped back and bowed low. 'Now, I hope you enjoy your dri-'

He was interrupted, however, by Boromir tearing open his cardboard beer box. He then selected a bottle and took the lid off with his teeth. The waiter stared.

'A…as I was saying…' he began again, only to be stopped by Aragorn unsheathing a dagger and stabbing it into the cork of the wine bottle. He yanked out the cork and took a long swig from the container, draining nearly half of it. 'As I was saying…'

'I'll need two more bottles,' Aragorn announced.

'But…' the waiter stopped, hung his head, and trailed out of the room. Then Gimli turned to Legolas.

'Let the drinking begin!' the dwarf cried out, picking up a shot glass. He drained it and crinkled his nose. Legolas did likewise.

'This is an odd flavour,' he decided, 'I enjoy it.'

They continued drinking the shots until the waiter came into the room.

'Here are the wine bottles,' he said blearily, holding up a jug in each hand. Then he noticed Legolas and Gimli, who were both on their last shots. 'You'll be sick!'

Gimli laughed. 'Never underestimate a dwarf!' He drank his shot.

'Or an elf!' Legolas finished off his too, 'Twenty more, I declare!'

'Twenty more for me, as well!' Gimli burped and rubbed his stomach. The waiter gave Aragorn the wine bottles and scuttled away.

Needless to say, when Gimli and Legolas were on their 36th shots, they were drunk. So were Boromir (14 bottles of beer) and Aragorn (already on his second bottle of wine.) They kept on requesting more and more alcohol whenever the waiter appeared, so eventually he just stopped showing up (they were too drunk to care or notice.) The hobbits (excluding Sam, who was held back by Aragorn) had made a smart move and had built themselves a pillow fort to protect against the drunken decisions that their friends were making.

Aragorn, having just finished his second bottle of wine, cracked open the third and held it up. 'To…to the most BEAUTIFUL woooman I've everrr seen; Arrrweeen!'

'I thought…' Legolas hiccoughed, 'I thought…I-thought-I-thought-I-thought…_I _was the most beautiful woooman you've ever seen!'

Aragorn paused in his drinking. He meant to ask Legolas what gender he was, but only managed to say; 'Woman?'

'Nooooooooooooooo!' Legolas started to laugh into his next shot, 'I'm…I'm a maaaaan!'

Aragorn blinked and then started to giggle, which turned into a laugh, which turned into him falling to the floor in cackles and covering everybody in wine.

'And you thought,' Legolas breathed in heavily, 'I was a woooman?'

Then he started to laugh too.

Meanwhile, Gimli was recounting his father's stories to a wide-eyed Boromir. Every time Gimli mentioned a character, Boromir would call out 'Did he have a mustache?!'

'So they were all huddled in that dark tunnel,' Gimli took in two shots at a time, 'when Smaug-'

'Did he have a mustache?' Boromir asked, his eyes getting larger.

'No, he was a dragon,' Gimli took another shot, 'now, when Smaug smote the mountainside, they were all safe inside the tunnel. Thank goodness for Bilbo, or-'

'Did he have a mustache?'

'No. Now, eventually Bilbo-'

'Did_ he_ have a mustache?'

'I just said no! Now, Bilbo persuaded the dwarves to-'

'Did _any_ of them have a mustache?'

'I don't know, maybe…'

'MUSTACHE.' Boromir said loudly in a slurred tone. He kept on repeating this about every ten seconds.

Back with Aragorn and Legolas; they had been taking turns trying to land empty shot glasses on Sam's bald patch.

'Oooopss-e-me!' Legolas had thrown badly, and the glass had hit the ground and broke.

'Sssschhhhh,' Aragorn supplied, trying to mimic the breaking sound.

'Y-y-yeah!' Legolas agreed, 'SssssSSSSsssschhhhhhsnap!'

'Nooo!' Aragorn frowned, 'Mooooore like SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSssssssssssssc hhhtaptaptap!'

'Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooo,' Legolas waved his arms around, 'More like SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSCHHHHH HNAPITTYSCHNAP!'

It was at this point that Heather walked out of the bathroom, her hair wrapped in a towel.

'Wow, they had clothes already set out in our sizes!' she exclaimed to The Fellowship. Then her mouth fell open. She knocked on Amanda's bathroom door.

'I'm just putting on a sweater,' Amanda's muffled voice called out. She opened the door a few seconds later. 'What?'

Then she too saw The Fellowship.

'What are you doing?' Amanda cried out, just as Gimli finished off his last shot.

'Forty shots!' Gimli yelled out, 'I require more!'

'You…' Heather said faintly, 'had…forty of those?'

'Why yes,' Gimli said proudly, 'forty shots.'

'YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!' Amanda shrieked.

'Forty as weeeeell!' Legolas drank his last shot and threw the glass onto Sam's head. It slid off and broke. 'SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSCCCHHHHHNOOOO OP!'

'Alright,' Amanda tried to calm down and be responsible, 'Boromir, how many drinks have you had?'

'MUSTACHE.'

'P-pardon?'

'MUUUUUSTAAAAACHE.'

'What?'

'Apples.'

Amanda looked frightened. 'I think you've had a lot too.'

'Last bottle!' Boromir grinned, holding up his beer.

'How many bottles did you get?' Heather asked slowly.

'A…cerse? Cise? CASE. A CASEEEE.'

'A twenty-four pack?' Heather looked at the cardboard on the ground, 'Yup. Twenty-four pack.'

'Aragorn!' Amanda said in an exasperated tone, 'Please tell me you haven't had too many drinks.'

'SSSSSSSSCCHHHHHHNEEEWEWEWEWE WWW,' Aragorn recounted, 'That's…what it SOUNDED likeee!'

'Aragorn!' Amanda repeated, 'How many drinks did you have?!'

'Three,' Aragorn grinned.

'Good,' Amanda sighed, 'three isn't bad at all.'

'Three wine bottles, that issssss,' Aragorn cackled.

'Bloody hell,' Heather sighed, 'where are the hobbits?'

'H-here!' a small voice called from the pillows nearby.

'H-H-HARK,' Legolas yelled, 'A NEW TARGET!'

He picked up five shot glasses and threw them rapidly at the pillows. They smashed upon contact.

'PEWPEWPEWPEWPEW, SMAAAAAAAASHHH,' Legolas waved his hands in the air.

'This is a mess,' Amanda slid down to the floor, 'they're all going to have alcohol poisoning.'

'Maybe,' Heather shrugged, 'but they do come from Middle Earth, so maybe they can handle more alcohol than-'

'I don't feeeeel gooooood,' Legolas called out.

'Ah, shit,' Heather sighed.

In the end, the waiter (whom Heather had to go track down; he was found looking blankly out of a window) had to escort the two men, the elf, and the dwarf to a staff bathroom.

'Why the staff one?' the waiter asked in a painful tone.

'We don't want to hear them throwing up,' Heather supplied with a faint smile. The waiter only shook his head.

When the men had left, some servants came out and swept up the glass. Then the main waiter came out with menus.

'Your friends are doing…fine,' he said in a slightly disgusted tone, 'they just need to get it out of them.'

'Yummers,' Heather stuck out her tongue, 'what type of food do we get? Pretzels? Peanuts? Right now I'd be good with any airplane food.'

The waiter raised a finger, put it down, and then dropped the menus onto a table. Then he left without a word.

'Rude person, isn't he?' Heather made a face to his back.

'You should've seen his face!' Sam said while applying bandages to his head, 'I asked him for some weed and he looked astonished!'

Amanda and Heather's jaws dropped.

'YOU ASKED FOR WEED?' Heather screeched.

'Pipe-weed!' Sam squeaked, 'Only pipe-weed!'

It took a few seconds for the girls to process what he meant.

'Oh…' Heather let out slowly, before she started to giggle uncontrollably, 'The staff must hate us! I mean, Legolas, Gimli, Aragorn, and Boromir made us look like alcoholics, but leave it up to Sam to make us look like drug addicts!'

'Were Legolas's eyes still red from the pepper spray?' Amanda asked quietly.

'THEY WERE,' Heather burst out into laughter, 'HOLY CRICKET, THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!'

'No, not at all!' Amanda's eyes were wide, 'They could…they could kick us off of the plane!'

'And let us fall to our deaths?' Heather gave her friend a weird look, 'Amanda, we're like a billion feet in the air.'

'R-right,' Amanda nodded, 'um, let's take a look at those menus.'

She passed them all out to the hobbits and Heather.

'Woah,' Heather commented, flipping through the pages, 'this is beyond schmancy. This is schmancy-fancy-rancy-dancy! I mean, what the hell is _Filet Mignon_? Some type of fish?'

'Okay folks, let's order whatever we think we can handle,' Amanda eyed the hobbits, 'how many meals do you think you've missed?'

'Too many!' Pippin declared, 'And, for starters, I'm going to have a…a rack of rib?'

'That's a lot,' Amanda commented, and Pippin nodded and started to look for a different food to get. But before she could ask the other group members, the waiter returned.

'May I take some orders?' he asked.

'I'll have fish and chips,' Heather said first, 'and a huge glass of water. Maybe you could bring the entire jug? I haven't had anything to drink for a long while…'

'An entire jug of water, right,' the waiter agreed, like it was no big deal (after serving two people a collection of eighty shots, he could handle a jug of water.)

'I'll have…some lobster,' Amanda decided, 'with a baked potato. I'd like a jug of water too.'

'Okay, and you?' he pointed to Sam.

'I'll…have _caviar_ soup?' Sam frowned, 'And a large plate of mashed potatoes. And some milk.'

'Caviar?' Heather cried out, 'Sam, no-'

'Caviar soup, okay,' the waiter cut her off, 'and you three?'

'I'll have _escargot_!' Merry said (pronouncing it like ess-car-go_t_), 'and some…orange juice?'

'I'll have _escargot _too,' Pippin agreed, 'and a…sure, orange juice too!'

'I'll have some stew,' Frodo decided, 'I don't care what kind. And maybe some tea?'

'Right, right,' the waiter nodded, 'and should I…uh…ask your friends in the bathroom if they want anything?'

'I don't think that they could keep down water, at this point,' Amanda sighed. The waiter crinkled his nose in agreement and left.

In thirty minutes, the food and drink arrived. Once it was served, the waiter hurried away.

'What is caviar?' Sam inquired, staring down at his soup. On the surface of the liquid there was a pile of grey spheres.

'Fish eggs,' Heather stuck out her tongue, 'I tried to warn you…'

Sam grimaced and stuck his spoon into the pile of grey. He took his first bite and spit it out over the plane. 'EW!'

He immediately drained his cup of milk.

'Um,' Merry looked down at his huge platter of escargot, 'if that's fish eggs, what's this?'

'Snails,' Heather explained smugly, eating a French fry.

'Ew,' Pippin explained, 'but…you never know.'

He then picked one up and popped the entire thing into his mouth.

'YOU DON'T EAT THE SHELL!' Heather cringed as Pippin crunched through his food.

'Not bad!' Pippin explained, 'Crunchy, but good.'

He picked up another snail and ate it. Merry did likewise.

'Mmm, buttery,' he exclaimed, 'and rubbery and crispy at the same time.'

'Oh god, we're friends with idiots,' Amanda rubbed her temples.

After they finished eating that meal (it took awhile – Sam ordered two more plates of potatoes, and Merry and Pippin required bowls of escargot to eat) Amanda put off dessert and told the hobbits to go shower.

'You're covered in snail slime,' she commented to Merry and Pippin, 'and various swamp dirt.'

'What's a…shower?' Sam asked cautiously.

'You know what?' Heather decided, 'Let's let the waiter handle this.'

She whistled and the waiter (disgruntled because now he felt like a dog) appeared.

'Show these people how to use a shower,' she told him offhandedly. He stared at her. 'You know; demonstrate how to turn one on.'

'What?' he asked.

'AS I SAY,' Heather commanded, and then started to giggle. The waiter's eye twitched, yet he led the hobbits into a shower room.

Then he left quickly, leaving the hobbits to trail out of the room in amazement.

'Water comes from the wall!' Sam yelled, 'It's amazing!'

'Yep, yep,' Heather waved him off, 'Sam, you take that bathroom, and Merry, you take that one.'

The excited hobbits hurried away to the separate showers. There was a sound of water turning on from each bathroom. A minute later, one shower stopped. The next minute, Sam stepped out of the bathroom in his clean clothes.

'They had clothes set out for all of us, just like you said, Heather!' Sam grinned.

'Sam…' Heather scowled, 'Didn't you use any soap?'

He had not. Neither had Merry.

In the end, it took an hour to get all four hobbits showered. At this point, Heather was slightly agitated.

'How long are we going to be on this goddamn plane?' she hissed under her breath as Frodo stepped out in his new attire. He was chewing something. 'Frodo, what are you eating.'

'This,' he held up a half eaten bar of soap.

'Why should I be surprised?' Heather grumbled, pulling a pillow onto her face, 'Let me guess, next you'll be hiccoughing bubbles or something.'

Dessert was ordered and consumed, arguments were fought and won, yet the time ticked on. Eventually the four drunks returned, their eyes bleary, their shirts gross. They were immediately sent to shower.

'I feeeel awful,' Legolas clutched his stomach after he showered. Amanda just laughed at him (for one, his hair was up in a towel like Heather and Amanda's had been since his hair was long enough.)

'If you don't shut up,' Heather scowled, 'I will shove this pillow down your throat.'

'Would it,' Boromir said, lying on a couch, 'would it…would it…would it give him a pillow _mustache_?'

Then he laughed, which turned to him vomiting on the floor.

'Ew!' Heather said, and then she whistled. The waiter stepped out of the door, threw a towel at Boromir, and went back as quick as he could.

When everybody had showered and eaten (even the drunks, who had managed to keep down some soda crackers), they were all positively bored. That is, until there was a voice from the staff room.

'Where's their dog? He's not in the dog crate…' a softened voice called from behind the door. The entire Fellowship froze.

'Shit,' Heather let out in a whisper, 'Gollum!'

'WE ALWAYS LOSE HIM,' Amanda slapped her hands over her face, 'we're going to die.'

At that second, the plane jolted to the left. The entire group fell in a heap across the room.

A horrible shrieking sound could be heard from the front of the plane.

'MY PRECIOUSSSSSS,' Gollum's voice screamed. The plane jerked to the right. Gollum's tone came closer. Eventually, he bounded through the 'Staff' door, holding a bloody golden ring.

'WHAT DID YOU DOOOO?!' Heather screeched as the plane completely rolled over.

'WE GOTS IT, WE GOTS IT, WE GOTS THE PRECIOUSSSS,' Gollum danced across the shuddering plane.

The waiter rushed through the door. 'YOUR DOG JUST RIPPED THE FINGERNAIL OFF OF THE PILOT TO GET HIS MARRIAGE RING!'

'WHY IS THE PLANE MOVING AROUND LIKE THIS?' Amanda screamed to the waiter.

'YOUR DOG _ALSO_ KNOCKED OUT THE PILOT AND THE CO PILOT.'

The plane dipped downward suddenly. The waiter hurried back through the door. A voice on the other side shouted that the plane was going down.

'GOLLUM, YOU'RE GETTING US KILLED!' Amanda squealed.

'I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE,' Heather searched frantically amongst the moving furniture for a parachute, but had no such luck. She looked out the window. The ground was nervously close. 'HOOOOLLYYYY SHIT.'

Then the plane hit the ground, and everything went dark.

Heather switched on her phone screen.

'That took off about forty years from my lifespan,' she breathed out. Nobody answered. 'Guys? Guys? Please don't tell me that I'm actually dead this time.'

'N-no…'

'Oh, Sam, glad you're here. How about everyone else?' Heather swiveled the phone screen to view the huddled group. Sam and Frodo were clutching each other, Merry and Pippin each had one of Aragorn's legs, Legolas was lying twitching under Boromir (whom was sitting in a fetal position on top of the elf), Gimli was hiding his eyes beneath his hands and sitting on the ground, and Amanda… 'Where's Amanda?!'

'BOO!' Amanda screeched, grabbing onto Heather's shoulders from behind. Heather screamed and dropped the phone.

'YOU'RE A DIPSHIT,' Heather declared, picking up her phone.

'At least I'm not a scared one,' Amanda motioned to the frightened Fellowship.

'Can we…never ride on a plane again?' Frodo asked hopefully. Legolas mumbled in agreement.

'But it was so much fuuuun,' Amanda said enthusiastically, 'and we didn't die yet!'

Just then, Aragorn started retching again.

'_Yet,_' Heather commented, '_yet_ is the operative word.'

**I thought I'd let you know that I spent a ton of time on this chapter, and stayed up like three hours last night coming up with ideas for it. Because I care :3**

**Also, I would like to inform you that I think I overloaded my spellchecker when I got to the drunken part of the story, because it now accepts words like 'PEWPEWPEWPEW, SMAAAAAAAASHHH' and 'HOOOOLLYYYY'. I also basically broke my caps lock key when doing a screaming scene, and I had to restart my computer to flush my keyboard status. This was a pretty intense chapter to type xD**

**Also, for those who haven't realized it, 'shit' is Heather's favourite word.**

**So join me next time for our new fun adventure! Make sure to give feedback and such!**


	4. Stays in a Hotel!

**I am a terrible person. I am an awful, terrible, cold-hearted, dreadful, appalling, horrendous, inexcusable, unbearable, atrocious, and impolite human being. I haven't posted in almost two months. I cannot say sorry enough, which is a lot to say when coming from a Canadian.**

**SORRY. I'M SO SORRY. I FEEL SO BAD THAT I EVEN WROTE A SONG:**

_**I'm evil for not posting,**_

_**My head deserves a roasting.**_

_**I feel really, really, really bad;**_

_**You guys must all be mad…**_

_**Unless nobody actually likes what I write,**_

_**That would suck like a mite.**_

**See what I did there? Because some mites suck blood, and…yeah.**

**Anyways, I'm sorry. So sorry.**

**ALSO, this post is devoted to Mr. Squirrel. R.I.P. Mr. Squirrel (for those of you who don't know (a.k.a. everybody), there was a certain squirrel that always used to run across the road that my house is on. He always was a very careful squirrel. When driving home a little while back, I saw him dead on the road.) R.I.P. Mr. Squirrel! Your fuzzy tail will be missed. YOU SHALL NOT BE FORGOTTEN.**

**Also, this is the last post that I will be responding to reviews within my chapters :( They take up too much space. **

**Now I need to thank my lovely fans who have had to wait forever for this chapter. Thank-you to legolasgreenleaf77, booksngamegeek4lyfe, and Thecowgirl017 for favouriting, and thank-you to legolasgreenleaf77 and Thecowgirl017 for following! Also, thanks to Thecowgirl017 for following me and for favouriting me!**

**laurel; yaay xD Thanks for reviewing!**

**BvBFallenAngels; you are so much more accomplished than I am ._. I can barely even play the flute, let alone wake up earlier than 8:00. You're very welcome, and thanks for reviewing :D**

**booksngamegeek4lyfe; that sounds like me, being loud and laughing in the middle of the night and waking everybody up xD I usually go overkill with description, so for this story I decided to go for the minimum amount since it is a comedy…although, reading it over, I do see how it could use some more depiction here and there. Thanks for the review and tip :3**

**Songwriter99; glad you like it, and thanks for the review!**

**Okay, that's it. I'm soooooo sorry. I really am. I will try for this to never happen again; this chapter was just somehow hard to write.**

'Well,' Heather muttered, staring at her phone, 'judging by what the internet says, you guys should be dead.'

Legolas, Boromir, Aragorn, and Gimli all gave collected moans.

'Is there a cure?' Boromir asked hopefully.

'Hang on, I'm getting to that,' Heather sighed, 'the internet connection in this room is pitiful, by the way.'

She typed in some things into Google and waited. 'I'm looking up 'alcohol poisoning', because I'm pretty sure that's what you have.'

'You guys need to be more responsible next time,' Amanda grimaced.

'Woah, if there is a next time,' Heather's wide eyes were illuminated by the phone screen, 'you guys could potentially go into a coma…or get hypothermia…or have a seizure…or get super dehydrated. Fun stuff. I've decided to never drink alcohol when I get old enough.'

'Maybe they should go to a hospital?' Amanda suggested.

'Yep, because there are _so_ many hospitals in this black box,' Heather rolled her eyes, 'I think we just wait for our next location and see. I mean, if worse comes to worse, they die.'

'Heather!'

'It's true!'

Amanda rubbed her temples and looked across the room. The hobbits were in a corner, all huddled up; Gollum was sleeping, or pretending to; and the four drunks were lying on their backs, trying to not choke on their own vomit.

'By this rate, we'll all be dead by tomorrow,' Amanda groaned.

'Yeah,' Heather yawned, 'I think I might get some sleep now; I'm exhausted.'

Then the world became bright.

'GODDAMNIT,' Heather pulled her sweater over her eyes, 'why-why-why-why-WHY.'

'Erm,' a new voice called out, 'please enjoy your stay…?'

Heather raised her head slowly from beneath her sweater and grinned. 'A hotel lobby. Well, I guess I did ask for sleep.'

They all stared up at the new voice. There was a man standing in front of them with a bushy mustache and eyebrows that matched. He was holding a key.

'Here's your room key…' he dropped it in front of them and scuttled away.

'Why is everybody so shocked when they see us?' Heather grumbled, grabbing the small metal object.

'Maybe because Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas, and Boromir look like they're about to die…and because of our 'dog' Gollum…and because we have hairy-footed hobbits with us…' Amanda shrugged, 'or maybe we two are just chronically ugly and we don't know.'

'Dun dun duuuuuuun,' Heather waved her hands in the air, 'but seriously, I'm exhausted. Let's go find our room.'

It took a little while to get the four drunks to stand. The room key ended up being tied to a room on the third floor, and seeing as the dying members of the group could barely walk, let alone climb stairs, they took an elevator. This turned out to not be a good idea.

The elevator was extremely small, for one thing. About three people could comfortably fit in it. The first load of people consisted of the four drunks and two hobbits (Frodo and Sam.)

'Now,' Amanda told them as the door closed, 'just step out when the doors open and _stay there_. We'll be up soon.'

She reached an arm into the tightly-packed elevator and pressed what she saw from her angle to be the number '3'.

The doors closed and the box moved its way up to the _fifth _floor.

When the elevator reached ground floor again, Heather, Amanda, Gollum, Merry, and Pippin all got in.

'It's very tight in here,' Pippin huffed as the doors shut.

'Yes, preciousss,' Gollum's eyes were wide and scared.

'Oh no,' Heather looked down just in time to see Gollum go berserk.

'SMALL PLACESSSS,' he screeched, climbing up the carpeted wall of the elevator with his sharp nails.

'GOLLUM, NO,' Amanda struggled to grab him, but the hobbits were blocking her way, 'YOU'LL CAUSE THE ELEVATOR TO STOP MOVING FOR SAFETY REASONS.'

'SMALL PLACESSSSSS,' Gollum was now on the ceiling, barely hanging on, 'PRECIOUSSSSS.'

Then the doors opened. A small family of four was standing there waiting.

'Hullo…' Heather said, just in time for Gollum to land on top of her, 'HOLY SHIT, GOLLUM!'

'FREEDOM,' he screamed, bounding out through the door and knocking over a child.

'COME BACK HERE YOU PIECE OF SHIT,' Heather ran out of the elevator and started down the hallway.

There was an awkward silence. The fallen child then began to cry.

'Um,' Amanda nodded slowly, 'sorry.'

The family gazed at her with confused expressions.

'Our dog is kind of…crazy,' she nodded to where Gollum had run; he was currently on the ceiling again. Heather had found a broom from a nearby custodian closet and was trying to whack him down as if he was a demented version of a piñata.

'We'll take the stairs,' the father of the family muttered and hurried his family through a nearby door.

'Good job, Heather!' Amanda called after they had left, stepping out along with the hobbits, 'You've terrorized a family!'

'IT WASN'T MY FAULT,' Heather yelled, successfully hitting down Gollum. He landed on his feet and started to hiss. 'HOLY SHIT, IT'S A CAT IN DISGUISE.'

'Heather…?'

'SOMEBODY GET SOME CAT TREATS BEFORE HE BITES OFF MY HEAD!'

'Heather, where are the others?'

Even Gollum stopped hissing in surprise.

'Maybe they've found the room?' Pippin asked.

'They don't have the key…' Amanda bit her lip.

'Shit,' Heather sighed, 'I'll go find them, then. Here, take the key, Amanda.'

She ran up and tossed her the key before heading into the elevator.

'We're room fifteen,' Amanda told the hobbits. They tracked down the room and went inside; 'Oh no; two beds.'

It was a nice sized room, but, like Amanda had mentioned, there were only two beds. There was a large and cushioned window seat, though, and a few armchairs. A large flat screen was the main centrepiece to the room.

'I guess we'll wait until Amanda comes. How about some TV?' Amanda flopped down on a bed and found the remote.

'What's…TV, preciousss?' Gollum asked suspiciously.

'Oh. Right. You don't know what that is,' Amanda switched on the TV. A very annoying looking man popped up.

'Welcome, welcome,' he said, waving his hand around in greeting, 'welcome to Test Your Knowledge, the game show where brains are definitely before brawn! I'm Ray Blonge, and let's meet our contestants for today!'

'Well, well, well,' Amanda said, settling down into the blankets, 'this seems familiar.'

It happened to be the episode that they were in. The only changes made to it were added-in laughter and several commercial breaks. The hobbits and Gollum eventually started to watch, too. They all got so into watching themselves on TV that they didn't hear the knock at the door.

The knock got louder.

And louder.

'GODDAMNIT, IF YOU DON'T OPEN THIS DOOR I'LL BREAK IT DOWN USING BOROMIR'S HEAD.'

'Heather!' Amanda jumped up and ran over to the door. Upon opening it, she discovered two very frightened hobbits and a seething Heather who had multiple vomit stains on her shirt. The drunks were all lying on the floor around her.

'THEY WERE ON THE FIFTH FLOOR,' Heather shouted, 'WHICH JUST SO HAPPENED TO BE THE _LAST_ FLOOR I LOOKED ON. AND THEN I HAD TO CARRY THEM ONE BY ONE INTO THE ELEVATOR.'

'Heather, that must of su-'

'I mean, carrying Legolas was easy, seeing as he's like Barbie and probably weighs less than me,' Heather snapped, 'but Boromir, Aragorn, and Gimli? THEY EACH WEIGH MORE THAN BOTH OF MY DOGS.'

'Heather-'

'BOTH OF MY 130 POUND GREAT DANES.'

'Heather-'

'I THINK I BROKE MY BACK.'

'Heather, let's just get them onto a bed!' Amanda frowned.

'No,' Heather sniffed, 'you can lift them or leave them, for all I care.'

With that she brushed past Amanda and sat on the ground.

'Heather…'

'Nope.'

'Heather, they're going to die.'

'Not interested.'

'Heather!'

'Please call back later.'

Amanda sighed and looked at the drunks.

'Can you guys move?' she asked hopefully.

They didn't say anything.

'Crap,' Amanda sighed.

Over the course of an hour the men were situated on their respective beds. Gimli and Aragorn had to awkwardly share a bed, and Boromir was smugly (well, as smug as he could manage without getting a headache) lying on his own bed. Legolas was lying in a fetal position on the window seat.

It took another hour for Amanda and Heather to take turns showering. By this time, the hobbits had found out how to comfortably use the TV. They were watching an episode of _Survivor _when Heather stumbled out of the hotel room's bathroom.

'It smells like spinach in there,' she frowned, adorned once again in new clothing.

'Your face smells like spinach,' Amanda stuck up her nose and turned her head away.

'Coming from you, that's a major insult. But shouldn't I be the angry one?' Heather frowned.

'No. You volunteered to go look for the men, so it isn't my fault that it took you forever to find them.'

'You could have at least gone and looked for me.'

'That wouldn't have helped much.'

Heather sat on the ground, fuming. 'Whatever. We need to figure out how to all sleep in this room.'

'You could ask for some extra bedding from the lobby,' Amanda said in a bored tone, 'and then we could use it like sleeping bags.'

'Fine,' Heather got back on her feet, 'but this time you're helping carry.'

Amanda rolled her eyes and got up. 'Alright, guys, stay here,' she addressed the hobbits, 'keep an eye on the drunks. If something goes wrong, call the lobby with the phone.'

She then pointed to an old phone that sat on a bedside table.

'How-' Sam began to ask, but Amanda and Heather had already stomped away.

'Well,' Merry said, trying to be cheerful, 'let's…try the phone out?'

'Amanda said to only use it if something goes wrong!' Pippin shook his head.

'But if something goes wrong, we won't know how to use it!' Sam said, and with that grabbed it, 'Besides, I've seen Heather use her…_phone_ plenty of times. It can't be that hard, if you get what I'm saying.'

He held the phone, holder and all, to his face. 'I think she said you use it like this…only this _phone _has a…a string attached to it!'

'Let me try!' Pippin grabbed the phone, which then snapped out of its holder.

'Pippin, you broke it!' Merry shrieked.

'I can fix it! I can fix it!' Pippin shouted, smashing the phone several times against its box in an attempt to put it back together.

'Hold it!' Sam raised a hand, 'Do you hear that sound?'

There was a silence, only hampered by the faint sound of a _Dove _commercial.

'It's making a noise,' Frodo said, looking at the phone, 'Sam, look, it has buttons!'

Sam looked, and saw that the handset indeed had buttons. 'Well I'll be.'

Boldly, he tapped one, a bright blue button. Unknowingly, he had just dialed the lobby.

A few seconds later, a voice was heard. 'Hello?'

Sam dropped the receiver in surprise. 'A VOICE.'

Pippin bravely plucked the phone back up. 'Hello.'

'What did you call for?' the tinny tone asked.

'What do you mean?' Pippin replied.

'Did you want something?'

The question hung in the air. The hobbits all looked at each other with glee.

'Potatoes, please,' Sam yelled into the phone.

'Some weed!' Pippin called.

'Ale! And more weed!' cried Merry.

'Um…' Frodo muttered, 'som-'

'FISH,' Gollum sprang onto Frodo and screeched into the receiver, 'FRESH AND TASTY FISH.'

'No, no, weed!' Pippin shouted.

'Ale!'

'FISHSES, MY PRECIOUSSSS.'

'Potatoes!'

'I'd like som-'

'FISSSSSSHSES.'

'Stop yelling!' Boromir groaned, pulling a pillow over his head.

It went on like this for awhile, Heather and Amanda walked in. They were laughing, carrying an unknown object in a small box along with some sheets, obviously forgetting their past fight. Yet when they saw the hobbits and Gollum fighting over the phone, they stopped smiling.

'What are you doing?!' Amanda cried out. Heather raced forward, snatching up the old handset.

'Hello?' Heather said breathlessly into the receiver. There was a silence, then;

'I think I'm nearly deaf,' a faint voice said.

'Sorry…those are our…children?' Heather's voice faltered as she stifled a laugh.

'Right. They ordered potatoes, ale, 'fishses', and…weed?'

Heather tried to glare at the hobbits while she burst into laughter. It had a creepy effect.

'I hope you know that our hotel does _not _support drug usage-'

'No, no, no,' Heather giggled, 'um, I'm laughing because my dog just did a funny trick-'

'Dog?' the voice asked sharply, 'All pets are to be housed in the animal room.'

The smile was wiped from Heather's face.

'Dog? Did I say dog? I meant to sa-'

'When there, they will be kept in large kennels with a roommate.'

'No!' Heather said quickly, 'I'm…uh…going through a tunnel and losing connection!'

'…what?'

'Tunnel – _bschhhh _- oh no – _bschhh _- losing connect - _bsschhhhhhh_,' Heather quickly hung up the phone. She looked around; everybody was staring at her. 'I think I just avoided a catastrophe.

There was a knock at the door.

'Well shit,' Heather sighed.

Amanda headed over to the door and opened it a bit. There was a burly looking man standing at it.

'Open the door fully,' he said in a commanding voice. Amanda obliged. 'I just received word from the lobby that a room with this phone ID is housing a dog.'

He held up a walky-talky.

'That's some pretty advanced technology there, bud,' Heather grinned. He looked at her hazardously.

'Don't make me pepper spray you,' he hissed. At the mention of 'pepper spray', Legolas groaned. 'What's wrong with her?'

Heather chuckled, 'He…_she _drank too much.'

'Right,' the man frowned, 'where's the dog?'

Heather pointed at Gollum.

'What the hell?' the man took a step back, 'What _is _that thing?'

'A schwanernizer and poodle crossbreed,' Heather said knowledgably.

'A…what?'

'Schwanernizer. It's, um, a rare breed.'

'Thank god for that,' the man whistled, 'come here, boy.'

'I'm not a dogses,' Gollum hissed.

'WHAT THE HELL?' the man jumped about a foot in the air, '_He talked!'_

'He has a special collar, like in the movie _Up!_' Heather explained.

'He ain't wearing any collar!' the man shrieked.

'Well…it's more like a chip…in his brain…' Heather said lamely, startled by the flaw in her plan, 'are you going to take him or not?'

The man steadied himself and called for Gollum again. Gollum, with a friendly kick from Heather, scuttled out the door muttering about fish.

Amanda slammed the door shut, just in time to help muffle the man's screams as Gollum probably bit his leg.

'Well,' Heather said, collapsing on the ground, 'we have our bedding…'

'And the razor.' Amanda held up the box. Heather sprang back up.

'WE ARE GOING TO SHAVE OFF ARAGORN'S UGLY BEARD!' she announced loudly. Aragorn lifted his head.

'Wha-' he started, but he stopped with a dangerous look from Heather.

'Your beard is ugly,' she told him, 'so we are going to shave it off.'

'But I like my beard,' Aragorn said in a pathetic tone.

'It's not really a beard…kind of stubble,' Amanda said philosophically.

'Granted,' Heather shrugged, 'but it's still ugly as hell.'

A half hour and many bandages from a first aid kit later, Aragorn was beardless. And grumpy.

'Aw, does da poor baby Aragorn miss his beard-y?' Heather fake-pouted in front of Aragorn.

'You butchered my face,' he groaned, sticking back on a fallen bandage.

'Stop whining,' Heather said evilly, 'oh, yeah, Gimli; you're next.'

The dwarf rolled onto his face in an attempt to conceal his beard.

'Heather!' Amanda called while putting away the first aid kit in the bathroom; 'I found a bottle of Aspirin in this kit!'

'Good!' Heather called, then; 'but how much do we give them? I've never had a hangover before.'

'Look it up!'

Another hour later, the drunks were drugged and feeling better, and the sheets/sleeping bags were set.

'I'm going to sleep now,' Heather said, from her mound of blankets, 'if anyone disturbs me, I will be very angry.'

Then the phone rang.

'Godamnit,' Heather groaned; she had been situated beneath the bedside table because of lack of space, and the phone was ringing right in her ear. She got up and answered it. 'Hello?!'

'YOUR DOG IS A MONSTER!' a scared voice shouted.

'I'm doing fine, thank-you for asking,' Heather replied sarcastically.

'IT ATE A CHIHUAHUA!'

Heather fell silent. 'Oh no…'

'IT ATE AN ENTIRE CHIHUAHUA!'

'I don't know how to respond to this.'

'NOW IT'S ASKING FOR MORE. DOGS SHOULDN'T ASK FOR ANYTHING.'

'I'm…going through a tunnel again!' Heather dramatically waved her free hand in the air, 'oh…_oh no!_'

'Don't do this aga-'

Then she hung up and unplugged the phone.

'They're just going to come up to our room,' Amanda sighed, 'so Gollum ate a…what?'

'Chihuahua.'

'Oh god.'

'I'm not even surprised.'

'I can't believe he did that!'

Heather settled back down into her sheets. 'At least it wasn't a baby hamster.'

And with that, she fell asleep. And the others did quickly, too, except for Legolas, who first opened up the window next to him so that only the screen was showing. Satisfied with the new breeze, he fell asleep.

Only to wake up half-way out of the window.

'ALAS!' he cried out, waking everybody in the room in a heartbeat. Amanda and Heather were the first to their feet.

'What happened?' Amanda turned to face Legolas, only to see his hands holding on to the edge of the bottom window. Apparently in his elven slumber, Legolas had somehow popped off the screen to the window and slipped out.

'OH MY GOD,' Heather started to jump around, 'WHAT DO WE DO?'

'HELP HIM!' Amanda ran over to the elf and started to pull him back through the window. There was a knock at their door.

'STOP BEING SO NOISY!' an angry voice called, 'And, hey, you have a dog out here!'

'COMING,' Heather shouted, racing over to Amanda to help get Legolas back. But it was too late. He had fallen. 'HOOOOOLY SHIT, NO!'

Fallen onto a nearby tree, of course.

'A tree!' Legolas said happily, finding himself not dead but instead on the large branch of an oak.

'LEGOLAS, CLIMB DOWN!' Heather screeched.

'A fair tree, at that.'

'LEGOLAS, IT'S WINDY!'

'I think I shall call it _Orna Doron_.'

'LEGOLAS, GET _DOWN._'

'Yes, yes,' Legolas clumsily started to climb down the tree.

'We should leave,' Amanda sighed, knowing that the elf would be fine, 'it's nearly daylight.'

She pointed to where the faint glow of sunrise licked the horizon.

'I'm still tired, and we never leave, we're just taken places,' Heather huffed. There was another knock at the door. 'Holy shit, we're coming!'

Getting Aragorn, Gimli, Boromir (the drunks felt better after a night of rest and Aspirin), and the hobbits up, Heather and Amanda headed to the door. Upon opening it, they found an unhappy man facing them.

'You might like to get up early,' he snarled, 'but I like to sleep in.'

'Do not speak to me like that,' Boromir hissed.

'Nor me!' Aragorn decided sleepily.

'Nor Gimli, Gloin's son!'

'_Hsssssssss,_' a horrid voice called out from a cage on the ground. It appeared that instead of wanting to put Gollum back into a hotel room after what he did, the hotel staff had managed to get him caged and delivered to their room during the night.

'What's wrong with the dog?' the man asked quietly.

'He's rabid,' Heather snickered, and then opened the cage door. Gollum, acting (or rather being fit for) the part, jumped out of the cage and started to climb a wall. The man gave a manly shriek and ran away.

'Good dog,' Heather nodded, 'now let's go collect our elf.'

When they finally reached ground floor, they found the lobby a mess. Papers were everywhere, and chewed up furniture scattered the floor.

'Gollum…' Heather sighed, 'did you really eat a Chihuahua?'

'Yesssss, precious, tasty little dogses.'

Amanda started to talk, but Heather raised a hand. 'It isn't his fault, it's the hotel's.'

Amanda shut her mouth and shook her head. They then passed out of the front doors and found Legolas picking flowers in the hotel's garden.

'Glad to see that you feel better,' Amanda nodded, 'actually, I'm glad to see that all of our drunken friends are better. I guess Aspirin and sleep do help...that and being from Middle Earth, I suppose.'

The sound of a door opening was heard behind them. They turned to see the mustached man that had greeted them pushing a cart towards them.

'Here are your orders, expect for the…um…weed?' he passed the trolley's handle to Heather and hurried away.

On the cart sat a few bags of potatoes, some jugs of ale, and a basket of-

'FISHSES!' Gollum rushed forward and dived into the basket.

'Do hotels usually give out potatoes, liquor, and fish?' Amanda asked slowly.

'Do hotels usually ask for no payment, let lots of people sleep in one room, don't kick you out when you have a 'dog' in your room, don't kick you out when your 'dog' eats a Chihuahua, et cetera, et cetera? Has anything gone normally for us thus far? Do people usually get transported onto game shows? Or randomly work at pet stores? Or suddenly own jets? Do people usually have crazy adventures with book characters? I don't think so. Nothing is normal for us,' Heather grimaced. Nobody talked for awhile. Legolas, finally in his element, was humming as he carefully picked roses from a nearby plant.

'You're right,' Amanda finally grinned, 'but I guess that's what makes this special. Now, I'm hungry. Who wants to go back inside and see if they serve breakfast?'

'Yes,' Heather agreed. Then the world went dark. 'Or…not.'

There was silence.

'I'm _really_ hungry,' Amanda sighed.

'How about a potato?' Sam asked. There was a crunching noise; he had bitten into a raw one.

'Or a fissssssh,' the snapping of bones was heard as Gollum bit into his meal.

'Or liquor!' a hobbit announced, undaunted by the recent alcohol poisoning.

'Sounds great,' Heather groaned, sitting down, 'but I think I'll pass.'

**THE NEXT CHAPTER IS NUMBER FIVE AND THAT MEANS WE ARE THREE QUARTERS OF THIS STORY AWAY FROM IT ENDING D: But also we are half-way to #10, and it's going to be a supermegafoxyawesomehot chapter c:**

**Make sure to read and review! I will post more chapters more frequently! I'm sorry! Very sorry!**

**(Also, my English teacher made my class do this essay sheet, and part of it was realizing that stories have plots that make sense, antagonist(s), etc. And now I'm realizing that this story really doesn't make any sense…xD)**

_**R.I.P. Mr. Squirrel**_


	5. Goes to a Mall!

**WELCOME TO THE FIFTH CHAPTER.**

**THAT'S RIGHT.**

**FIFTH.**

**Which means that we are a quarter of the way to the end…**

**ermergerd**

**ANYWHOO, I know I said that I'd stop replying to reviews, but this is an important review. It's on the topic of the swearing in the story.**

**Now, I in real life rarely ever swear. As you can see, Amanda rarely ever swears, and everybody else except for Boromir doesn't really know how…**

**Heather, on the other hand, swears like a sailor who has just put hand sanitizer on a paper cut.**

**This is not because I am a compulsive swear-er. It's just part of Heather's personality, and I can't suddenly make her say 'Oh shoot' instead of 'Oh shit' because that would ruin her character.**

**That being said, there is a warning in the description of the story about language, and it is rated T. Sorry, and hopefully it isn't too much of a worry. **

**Aaaaaand now to thank people.**

Thank-you to Guest, MyRawrIsSoft, radishesandspectraspects, and Pipkin in the Grass for reviewing (I love getting reviews, people, so thank-you :3) Thank-you to MyRawrIsSoft, radishesandspectraspects, and Elf Sister for following. Also, thank-you to kali yugah, Shi No Kitsune, and radishesandspectraspects for favouriting.

**And now, welcome to The Fellowship Goes to a Mall!**

**(I don't own the Bohemian Rhapsody. Or The Fellowship. Or 'Mall'.)**

'I am soooooo hungry,' Heather complained, face down on the cold black ground.

'Ditto,' Amanda sighed.

'You should try a raw potato,' Sam said through a mouthful of food, 'they're not bad, really.'

'No thank-you,' Heather said snappily, 'I prefer to eat things that taste good.'

Sam shrunk back, muttering something along the lines of 'potatoes taste good'.

'Heather,' Boromir suddenly said thoughtfully, 'remember the…pet store?'

'I try to forget,' Heather grumbled.

'Remember how I was attacked?'

'By a Chihuahua, yeah. Not your greatest moment, Boromir.'

'So it was a Chihuahua…' Boromir smiled evilly, his face barely showing in the dim iPhone light.

'Why does it matter?' Amanda asked suspiciously.

'Well, Gollum ate a creature of that nature. Shouldn't I feel like justice has been delivered to the rightful breed?' Boromir grinned.

'Oh god, don't team up with Gollum,' Heather pleaded.

'And whys not, precious?' Gollum asked defensively.

'There are major side effects. Things like sudden fish cravings, desire for things that are shiny, and having the word 'precious' be the most used word in your vocabulary,' Heather stuck her tongue out at Gollum. He hissed softly and turned away, cradling the pilot's ring and searching for another fish to eat.

'Enough teasing,' Amanda frowned, 'let's just preserve our energy so that when we get out of here-'

'_If _we get out of here,' Heather said quietly. There was a sad silence; it had been on everybody's mind.

Then the world became bright.

'Interrupt my dramatic moment, why don't you,' Heather griped to no one in particular, covering up her eyes with her hands.

'We're in another parking lot,' Amanda decided out loud. Her head was facing the ground in an attempt to block out the light, and her view was of pavement and old gum.

'Great,' Heather lifted her head, just in time to see a car screech to a halt in front of her, 'HOLY SHIT. We nearly died _again._'

The car's horn honked. Obviously the driver was not pleased.

'Everybody up,' Amanda uncovered her face and started to drag the hobbits off of the lane, 'or else we'll all be pancakes.'

'I like pancakes!' Pippin exclaimed excitedly.

'Not exactly the same pancakes that you're thinking of, Pippin,' Heather grimaced, pulling Sam off of the asphalt.

'MY POTATOES ARE GONE,' Sam cried out in alarm.

'So is my patience,' Heather dropped the heavy hobbit and started to kick him over the curb, 'you are fat.'

'Heather!' Amanda sighed, helping carry Sam over the tall edge.

'Seriously, that black box needs to transport us to a gym or something next time,' Heather smirked under Sam's glare.

After everybody had gotten onto the sidewalk, the car passed them by slowly, giving them a clear view of the driver's rude hand gesture pointed in their direction.

'What does that mean?' Merry asked in an intrigued tone.

'Oh,' Heather laughed, 'it means-'

'-means thank-you!' Amanda said quickly, giving Heather a dirty look, 'let's go inside…'

They were, in fact, outside a very large grey building. Bright blue letters read out 'Mall' above a few pairs of doors.

'They really had a small budget for naming this place,' Heather breathed out as they headed towards the doors.

When they got to the doorways, a nearby shopper graciously held a door open for the hobbits and Boromir.

'Thanks!' said Merry, and then he stuck up the middle finger at the man. Pippin, Frodo, Sam and Boromir both happily copied him.

The man spluttered and hurried away. Merry looked at Amanda with doubt.

'Let's just go,' Amanda shook her head, 'I'll explain…later.'

Once inside, they were swallowed by the hustle and bustle of shoppers.

'What's the point of being in a mall with no money?' Heather grimaced.

'Wait,' Amanda cried out, 'the cheque that we were given!'

'Right!' Heather remembered, 'Boromir, the cheque.'

Boromir took out a crumpled paper from his pocket. He handed it to Amanda.

'We can't just walk into a store and buy things with a five thousand dollar cheque, can we?' Heather questioned, bursting Amanda's bubble.

'Right…' she scowled, yet then squinted at a close by object, 'what?'

Heather looked where Amanda was peering. 'Seriously?'

Glinting in the flickering mall lights sat a machine with the sign 'Cheque-O-Matic!'

'Could this world get any more realistic?' Heather asked sarcastically as Amanda struggled to get to the device.

'I know,' Amanda agreed, 'I mean, is this real life?'

'IS THIS JUST FANTASY?' Heather started to sing, 'CAUGHT IN A LANDSLIDE-'

'Heather, shut up, it'll get stuck in my head!' Amanda complained, trying to get the machine to work.

'NO ESCAPE FROM REALITY!' Heather then proceeded to start a weird dance, freaking out the people around her, 'OPEN YOUR EYES-'

'Congratulations, now I'll have that song stuck in my head forever now,' Amanda sighed finally figuring out how to get the cheque into the Cheque-O-Matic. The machine made a whirring sound, and a pile of bills fell into Amanda's outstretched hand. 'That was easy.'

She then turned to The Fellowship, who were awkwardly standing in a tight group. 'Okay. There are ten of us, not counting Gollum, and I have five grand here. Divide five thousand by ten and you get…five hundred. Wow. We each get five hundred dollars in spending money.'

'Shouldn't we keep some money in case of an emergency?' Heather questioned. Amanda stared at her.

'Since when have you become responsible?' Amanda frowned, 'Okay, I'll take ten dollars from everybody and then we'll have a hundred dollar emergency fund. Comprendo?'

She then handed the group members wads of cash. They stared at her.

'What is…this?' Frodo held up a twenty with curiosity.

'Money,' Heather said helpfully, 'you guys have…coins? We do too; loonies and toonies and quarters and such. But bills are lighter.'

Frodo nodded like he understood, but turned to Aragorn with a confused expression.

'Now, let's go shopping, seeing as we probably are supposed to. Let's stay in our group, okay?' Amanda told The Fellowship sternly.

'Why don'ts we gets money, precious?' Gollum asked in an angered tone.

'Because you suck,' Heather explained helpfully once again. Gollum spat at her, and then turned and disappeared into the crowd. '…goddamnit.'

'I'll get him!' Boromir cried out and ran forward, followed by Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas. The hobbits trotted along behind.

'Guys, no! Group, group!' Amanda shrieked, hurrying after them.

'Well shit,' Heather said, standing alone in the mass of shoppers, 'this may be a bit messy…'

Then she took a breath and dived into the hubbub.

Gollum was positively fuming as he scuttled through the sea of legs.

'We suckses, precious,' he hissed to himself, 'we'll show her. We'll bite her arms off, yes, and then we-'

But he stopped, suddenly, and turned to face a storefront. He was facing _Peoples Jewellers_, and the store was packed with golden trinkets; bracelets, necklaces, anklets, and –

'Ringses,' Gollum said breathlessly. He looked at the pilot's ring and tossed it away, as if it wasn't good enough for him. Then he charged at the store, screaming a battle cry along the lines of 'DA PRECIOUSESSSS!'

Merry and Pippin found themselves alone.

'Well,' Pippin sighed, 'we have our money. How about we find something to eat?'

Merry nodded and they made their way through the masses. They didn't end up finding a food court; instead, they found candy machines.

'Ooooooooh,' Pippin said, finding the chocolate almond dispenser particularly appetizing, 'how do these work?'

A nearby mall cop saw the two of them tapping away at the glass. Thinking that they were children because of their size, he strode forward. 'Hello, kids. Trying to get the candy machines to work? They take money, you know.'

'We have money,' Pippin exclaimed defensively, 'we just don't know how to use these…things.'

'They take coins,' the cop supplied, 'now go run off to find your mothers.'

He then turned and walked away.

'Helpful human, isn't he?' Merry sighed, 'Anyways, we only have _paper_ money.'

'I'm dreadfully hungry,' Pippin frowned.

'Perhaps some of them have coins!' Merry suddenly suggested, pointing to the shoppers.

'We can only try,' Pippin shrugged.

'We're lost!' Aragorn turned to Boromir unhappily, 'where's…where's Legolas?'

Boromir looked around. 'Shit.'

'Did you lose the elf?' Aragorn asked angrily.

'It's not my fault! He should be able to take care of himself,' Boromir huffed.

'Says the man who was attacked by a…a Chihuahua…' Aragorn said, _slightly_ mispronouncing the word and saying 'Chu-wat-wa'.

'YOU WERE STRUCK DOWN BY AN OLD LADY!' Boromir exclaimed.

'_She had a cane!_' Aragorn sputtered, 'I was unprepared!'

'You should always be prepared for battle!' Boromir pulled out his sword in wrath. Aragorn took out his sword, too, and they started to have an epic battle in front of _Sears_.

Evidently, it was noticed.

People whipped out their phones and started to film, just in time for Aragorn to pull out some epic parkour moves. He jumped up onto a bench, then onto the pot of a large plant, but then slipped and fell onto a mound of shopping bags.

'Those are my bags, you hooligan!' an elderly woman called from the crowd, stepping forward and raising a cane.

'OLD LADYYYYY,' Aragorn shouted, scrambling up the potted tree and huddling on the top of it, like some weird bird. Boromir gave a not-so-manly shriek and tried to climb the tree as well, resulting in it toppling over on the both of them.

'Alas, I am lost,' Legolas spoke to himself as he easily moved through the crowd, 'I wonder where that dwarf is…although, he is rather short, so I might not see him…'

'Ahem,' Gimli said beside Legolas, brandishing his axe.

'Ah, good to see you dwarf. How'd you find me?' Legolas asked with a smile.

'We didn't find you because you're about a foot taller then anybody here, no siree,' Heather smirked as she caught up with Gimli.

'We found you by smell. Elves smell awful,' Gimli crinkled his nose.

'Likewise, dwarf,' Legolas shook his head, 'likewise.'

'H-hey!' a small voice shouted, 'Don't leave me!'

'Frodo!' Gimli swiveled around to find the frightened hobbit.

'I can't find Sam anywhere,' Frodo panted, 'there are so many people here, it would be impossible to find anyone.'

'Besides odourous elves,' Gimli chuckled. Frodo gave him an odd look. 'Erm, never mind. Let's find that hobbit friend.'

'Nope,' Heather toned, 'no we are not going to find Sam.'

'And why not?' Frodo questioned unhappily.

'Because we need to chop off Gimli's beard first,' Heather pointed evilly to a hairdresser shop.

'Nononono-,' Gimli cried out, but Legolas, laughing cruelly, picked up the dwarf and held him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

'Oh no,' Sam mumbled to himself, 'you've gone and done it to yourself, Samwise Gamgee. You've gone and made a mess! You're lost!'

He stumbled through the bustling shoppers, eventually getting pushed into a store. There, he saw tall people (which happened to really be manikins) who didn't seem to be in a hurry.

'Excuse me,' Sam walked up to one, 'I seem to be lost from my group, and-,'

It was at this point that Sam realized that these 'people' had no heads.

He screamed, then curled up into a fetal position on the ground and started to mutter about potatoes.

'Pippin, I don't feel so good,' Merry groaned, rubbing his bulging stomach, 'I think those last few candy containers were excess.'

'Nonsense,' Pippin said through a mouthful of M&M's, 'they were all necessary.'

Merry and Pippin had found a person to exchange their money with. Thinking that these children may have a five or ten dollar bill, the person was shocked that they had nearly a thousand dollars in total, and could only provide them with so much change. Then Merry and Pippin had went through the crowd collecting change until they had enough to empty all of the candy dispensers. Which they did.

'Think Amanda will be angry that we spent all of our money on treats?' Merry asked queasily.

'Nope,' Pippin shoved another handful of candy into his mouth. Then he saw Aragorn and Boromir being held 'hostage' by a mall cop. 'ARATHGER ETHND BOTHOMIR!'

His enlightening statement was given meaning by the sticky M&M's that were spewed everywhere.

'Ew, Pip,' Merry grumbled, 'I have candy stuck on my face now.'

'Aragorn and Boromir!' Pippin struggled to his feet and started to waddle over to the mall cop.

'I…can't get up!' Merry called after Pippin; he was held back by empty dispensers, dropped candy, and his newfound weight.

Meanwhile, Pippin had successfully gotten over to the two men.

'Aragorn!' Pippin wheezed, 'Boromir! I'll…save you!'

He reached for his sword, and then realized that it had fallen out of its sheath next to Merry and was lying in a pile of chocolate covered peanuts.

'Half a…second,' he rasped in the direction of the mall cop, and then with great effort walked back to Merry.

'Pippin, I can't get up!' Merry hissed at Pippin as Pippin tried to bend over for his sword.

'I can't bend…I feel too sickkkk,' Pippin then threw up onto Merry.

'EW, PIP,' Merry screeched, trying to roll out of the vomit and being unsuccessful.

The mall cop had been amused at first, seeing the small child that obviously had eaten too much candy waddle up to save these…strange men.

But then the child went back to his friend to pick up a surprisingly dangerous looking object.

Then the child threw up.

Then the other child started to drag himself across the floor like some creepy slug, leaving a trail of vomit behind him whilst the other kid tried to pick up the knife.

The mall cop was a bit disturbed, and was glad to get something on his walky-talky.

'There's a…_dog_ in the _Peoples Jewellers_. Is anybody available?' a voice sounded on it.

'I'll take it,' the mall cop replied happily, seeing that the first child (Pippin) had given up on his sword and was gathering candy that was stuck to his shirt, probably to use as ammo. He turned to the men. 'Um…I'm giving you a warning and a suspension from the mal-,'

Then Pippin's first weapon hit and stuck to his forehead – a partially-melted Smartie.

'Actually, you know what?' the mall cop said, 'How about you just don't swordfight again…agh!'

A handful of Jujubes were flung at his head, sticking in his hair. He shook them out and ran away.

'I saved youuuu!' Pippin sang out.

'We're…so glad,' Aragorn said with a wavering smile, flicking off a piece of candy-shrapnel from his chin, 'erm…that sweet was wet.'

'I had to get some from my mouth, or else I wouldn't have had enough to throw at your captor!' Pippin grinned, his teeth dyed green and blue, 'I still feel kind of sick, though…'

'Charming lad, isn't he?' Boromir asked, untouched by any half eaten candy.

'Let's just find Amanda and Heather,' Aragorn sighed.

'My…my beard!' Gimli sobbed, 'Not the beard! Not my beard!'

He collapsed onto the tiled floor in defeat.

'Hey, at least you don't look as ridiculous as the elf,' Heather giggled. There had been a two-for-one deal at the hairdressing place, and whilst Gimli was getting his beard cut, Legolas had been getting bangs.

'I look female,' Legolas pouted.

'Aw, come on Leggy-Boo,' Heather stuck out her tongue, 'it matches your personality.'

'I am male!' Legolas shouted out defensively, getting odd looks from the people passing by.

'Suuuuure,' Heather nodded. She then kicked Gimli. 'Up and at 'em, sunshine.'

Gimli groaned.

'Get up before I go steal a pair of scissors and chop off your head-hair!' Heather declared. Needless to say, Gimli was on his feet fast. 'Wow, dwarves are ugly without beards.'

'They're ugly with beards, too,' Legolas grinned.

'Says the male elf that looks like Galadriel,' Gimli scowled.

'Hey, look!' Heather exclaimed, breaking up their argument. 'I found Aragorn and Boromir! And Merry and Pip-,'

That's when she saw the state of the four that were hurrying toward them. Boromir and Aragorn were covered in potting soil and leaves, and Aragorn had bits of candy over his face. Merry and Pippin were waddling slightly, covered in candy too, and obviously struggling to keep up with the men.

'Nice to see you…?' Heather looked justifiably concerned as they neared her.

'Just…' Aragorn hung his head, 'don't ask.'

'Where's Amanda?' Boromir asked. 'Or Sam? Or Frodo? Or-,'

That was when he noticed Gimli.

Boromir gave a little jump, 'Gimli! What happened to your beard?'

Merry gave a little squawk, and Pippin nearly toppled over in fright.

'And Legolas…' Aragorn looked slightly disgusted, 'what happened to your hair?'

'What happened to your face?' Legolas nodded unhappily toward the sticky candy.

Aragorn clumsily wiped away the sweets, leaving multicoloured streaks of colour behind. 'Better?'

'Um…' Heather concealed a smile, 'whatever you say, Rainbow-Face.'

'Where's Gollum?' Pippin suddenly asked.

'Well shit,' Heather stomped her feet, 'we _always_ lose him!'

'Maybe he's with Amanda,' Aragorn said hopefully.

'I doubt it,' Heather groaned, 'maybe Frodo, though. Or Sam…'

Gollum was very pleased with his new preciouses. Albeit they didn't make him invisible, they were very pretty.

He was putting every ring that he could on his fingers and toes, and every necklace or bracelet were either slipped over his head or hanging over his ears. He looked very sparkly, to say the least.

That was when the mall cop arrived.

'What the-,' he started to say, but Gollum streaked past him, leaving behind the smell of fish and a few rings.

The mall cop stood there for a second. Then he sat down on the ground and started to rock back and forth.

It was about an hour later and Heather, Merry, Pippin, Legolas, Boromir, and Aragorn still hadn't found anybody else.

'I'm hungry,' Pippin complained.

'Pippin, you already ate!' Merry sighed.

'Yeah, about that,' Heather frowned, 'how much money did you spend on that candy?'

Merry and Pippin shuffled unhappily.

'Um, all of it,' Pippin finally sighed guiltily.

'You spent a thousand dollars on candy?!' Heather cried out in disbelief.

'No, remember? Amanda took ten dollars from each of us,' Pippin said defensively.

'So you spent nine hundred and eighty dollars on candy…' Heather faintly toned, 'you need to get your priorities straight.'

'I found Sam!' Frodo suddenly yelled, pointing wildly to a showcase.

'Oh good,' Heather turned to look where Frodo was motioning, 'oh god.'

Sam was huddled up in a ball under a suggestively dressed manikin for _Victoria's Secret_. He heard Frodo's voice and jumped up, knocking over the manikin in his happiness.

'Oh god,' Heather repeated as the manikin caused a chain reaction along the store's showcase, making it seem like some weird form of dominoes. The last model crashed into the glass, losing an arm in the process.

'Mr. Frodo!' Sam shouted, running forward to greet his master, forgetting about the glass. He smashed his face into it and fell into the pile of manikins, out cold.

'Sam!' Frodo ran forward toward his friend.

'Amanda is going to be pissed if I don't start taking care of you guys better,' Heather grimaced as Merry and Pippin started to waddle through a nearby crowd of shoppers to get to Frodo. Pippin ended up being kicked by a passing person and falling to the ground.

'I hope we find her soon,' Boromir voiced hopefully as Pippin ended up being kicked/rolled toward the showcase by an exhausted Merry.

Gollum liked hanging upside down, he decided. It was a bit hard to get a grip, and sometimes his jewellry started to slip, but it was pretty peaceful.

He was hanging just over Heather, having followed her and her company for about an hour. He was just deciding that maybe he should climb down and see if he could find some fish when suddenly a sharp pain stabbed his shoulder.

He looked to see what it was. A red dart was sticking out.

Then he blacked out and started to fall.

Down on the ground, the mall cop dramatically put away his tranquilizer gun.

'Round two,' he breathed out.

Sam was being half-carried, half-dragged by Frodo as Merry kicked along Pippin.

'We are a sad group, aren't we?' Heather frowned.

Then something landed on her like a brick.

'WHAT THE-,' she screamed as Gollum and several pounds of gold pushed her to the ground, 'GOLLUM, YOU LITTLE SHIT!'

A mall cop jogged over, 'Sorry, m'am, this dog has being causing problems.'

'What. Did. You. Do. To. Him.' Heather said slowly, seeing that he wasn't moving, 'If he's dead, then it will be from my poor leadership skills…Amanda is going to kill me.'

'Oh, I only knocked him out. Is he your dog?' the mall cop asked uncomfortably under Heather's glare.

'HE'S NOT A FREAKING DOG. HE'S A HOBBIT MUTANT OR SOME SHIT, I DON'T EVEN KNOW. HE'S NOT MINE, HE'S NOT FROM OUR WORLD, AND HE SHOULDN'T EVEN BE UNDER MY CARE. HE IS OBSESSED WITH SHINY THINGS AND IS REALLY ANNOYING.' Heather snapped and started to shout, 'EVERYBODY HERE ISN'T REAL. YOU'RE ALL FIGMENTS OF MY IMAGINATION. GO AWAY.'

Then she buried herself under a few golden necklaces and started to hiss.

'Um, is she-,' the mall cop turned to Aragorn and Boromir, 'hey, you!'

'I prefer to be called Aragorn,' Aragorn said.

'Look, I don't care-,' then the mall cop saw Pippin rolling around, 'hey, you! Are you troublemakers trying out some new 'stress out a mall cop' fad or something?'

'THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A FAD IS!' Heather screeched from beneath her shiny blanket, 'THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT AN _IPOD_ IS!'

'…some sort of bean?' Aragorn guessed.

'Right…' the mall cop shifted uneasily, 'well, I'm going to have to give you a suspension and a fine for stealing-,'

Gollum then started to move around.

'The tranquilizer is wearing off,' the mall cop reached for another dart, but realized that he had no more. 'Oh dear.'

Gollum woke up, 'Da precious?'

'I'M OUT,' the mall cop jogged away.

There was yet again an awkward silence.

'Maybe we should go find Amanda,' Frodo said quietly, looking at Sam who was starting to mutter in his sleep.

Heather didn't reply.

'Heather?' Frodo gave her a kick.

'DO NOT TOUCH ME,' Heather sat up, flinging gold everywhere. Nearby shoppers gave her odd looks and hurried away. 'I'M DONE TAKING CARE OF YOU GUYS.'

'That's why we need to find Amanda,' Frodo explained patiently.

'I'm staying here,' Heather flopped back down onto the ground.

'Heather-,' Boromir sighed.

'Sucks, bro,' Heather covered her face with her hands, 'I'm done.'

'That was entertaining,' Amanda said suddenly.

Heather bolted into a sitting position, once again flinging gold everywhere.

'WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!' Heather screamed.

'Eating ice cream,' Amanda shrugged, 'I was hungry.'

'You were hungry?' Heather said slowly, 'You. Were. HUNGRY?'

She then jumped up and then started to stomp around.

'I've been trying to be optimistic ever since we've been transported around, BUT THIS TRIP TAKES THE CAKE. Have you ever had a fish-smelling hobbit-mutant gold-wearing _thing _land on your head unexpectedly? IT HURTS LIKE A BITCH.'

'Heather, I'm sure that it hasn't been that bad…' Amanda smiled.

Heather shut her mouth and stopped acting like the floor was a trampoline.

'That's better,' Amanda nodded, 'now how about some food and-,'

Then the world went dark.

'No,' Heather said quietly, 'no, no. No. NO! I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO BUY ANYTHING! OR EAT ANYTHING. GODDAMNIT!'

'Heather, the iPhone please,' Amanda asked calmly. Heather threw the phone at her general direction. 'That was my head, thanks.'

The screen turned on, illuminating the dark room slightly. Amanda casually went onto the internet, letting Heather let loose some steam. Then she went onto Youtube and saw a trending video.

'Um, Aragorn? Boromir?' she said quietly. 'What did you do today?'

'Nothing…' Boromir said quickly.

'Heather, I know you aren't in the mood, but you should see this…' Amanda motioned for Heather to come over. Grudgingly, she did.

The video was named 'Two Guys Failing in a Mall!' with the tags 'parkour', 'fail', 'funny', and 'old lady'. Amanda started the video. It was of Boromir and Aragorn and their fight that went wrong.

When the video finished, there was silence.

'It has six million views already,' Heather said quietly.

'Look, the uploader has more videos…' Amanda pointed to a list named things like 'Child in Victoria's Secret Display Case Fail!' and 'Falling Dog in Mall!', etc, etc. All of them had at least a million views.

'We're famous, I guess,' Amanda said, scrolling through a comment section, 'hey, somebody recognized us from the game show!'

'We're actually famous,' Heather breathed out, 'well shit.'

'Well put, my friend, well put,' Amanda set the phone down, suddenly illuminating most of the room, 'woah…'

There, lightened by the bright screen, sat a cart of food.

'I guess now that we are celebrities, it's only fair that we get room service,' Heather gave a little laugh.

**This chapter sucked.**

**I'm sorry.**

**I've been having a bad case of writer's block lately, and I wish that I could just skip through it, but I must persevere, and I also must post chapters!**

**Aaaaaaand I have nothing to say.**

**IF ANYBODY HAS FOUND A WAY TO HELP CURE WRITER'S BLOCK, FEEL FREE TO TELL ME. IF IT WORKS, I WILL WRITE YOU A LOVELY POEM WITH MY NEWFOUND CREATIVITY.**

**Make sure to Read and Review, and to prepare for a hopefully good next chapter!**

**(Note: I have no idea if mall cops get tranquilizer guns in real life. But let's just say that they do. Also, I don't really know how long tranquilizers last, so Gollum probably should have been out longer…that is, if my story was actually accurate. Which it's not.)**


	6. Runs a McDonalds!

**Long time, no see everybody! I'm so sorry. Blargggggg, I'm sorry. A billion things have happened to me since I last updated, many being unpleasant, so I just haven't had the mood or time to write this. A thousand apologies.**

**I went to see The Hobitttttt. 7.5/10, I think. Some parts were a bit strange (Spoilerrr: Galadriel, you're sweet and all, BUT YOU DON'T NEED A BLOODY CAMEO TO REMAIN IMPORTANT IN OUR HEARTS.) What did y'all think? Did y'all see it? Are y'all gonna go see The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug or whatever it's called?**

**I FEEL BAAAAD. Still. Forever. And I got a new laptop for Christmas (Windows 8, schmancyyy) and the keyboard is strange, and it's messing me up (UPDATE: I'm used to it nowwww.) AND I TRIED TO WRITE A CHAPTER LAST YEAR AND I COULDN'T AND IT WAS BAD. If I've lost my writing ability, I am going to probably die. Scratch the probably. My body needs sleep, shelter, food, water, and writing. Not in that order. And don't forget reading. Or watching epic movies. Blarg.**

**Quiiiiick thanks to Pip LOTR lover, NCISElf, LOTR Geek, radishesandspectraspects, and all of those 'guests' for reviewing (if you want a snazzy guest name, feel free to use 'Erin is Supa Cool', 'Canada is Amazing', 'Erin AND Canada are supa cool-mazing', etc), and UntilTheVeryEnd6 for favouriting and for following. Hopefully I didn't miss anyone xD**

**INTRODUCING THE FELLOWSHIP RUNS A MCDONALDS BECAUSE I TRIED TO WRITE ABOUT THEM IN AN ELEVATOR AND IT WAS MORE AWKWARD THAN THAT TIME WHEN I WENT ONE HOUR EARLY FOR A CLUB AND AWKWARDLY WALKED AROUND A BUILDING FOR TWENTY MINUTES BEFORE REALIZING THAT IT WAS 9 O'CLOCK AND NOT 10. YEP. THAT AWKWARD. AND MORE.**

'Maybe that fifteenth doughnut was not such a good idea,' Heather said helpfully as Pippin lay essentially dying on the dark ground. He groaned, his face covered in white powder and sprinkles. 'Especially after all that candy you just ate. I wouldn't be surprised if your stomach blew up.'

'_Heather,_' Amanda frowned from across the room.

'Like some deranged volcano or something -,'

'Heather!'

'Kaplooey! Oh noooo, it looks like Mt. Pippin has erupted! Get to some high ground!'

Amanda gave a sort of disgusted look at Heather as the latter acted like she was dying from molten candy-and-doughnut lava that apparently had erupted from Pippin's stomach.

'Remind me why we're friends again,' Amanda sighed after Heather had finally sunk to the ground after a fifteen minute death sequence.

'Can't. I'm dead right now. Come back in a few hours,' Heather's muffled voice came from her curled up figure.

'Heather's died, precious?' Gollum asked.

'Great grammar, Gollum. And yeah, she's dead,' Amanda threw an empty cracker package at Heather's head. She didn't move.

'Is she tasty, precious, edible and crunchy, yesss,' Gollum looked evilly over at Heather.

'_No!_' Heather got up quickly and brushed herself off. 'I'm…alive! No need to eat me, Gollum, e heh heh heh, yeah…it's a miracle!'

'But's we is hungry!' Gollum sat down and frowned.

'Look, just because there wasn't raw meat on the cart doesn't mean that you couldn't eat,' said Amanda as she rubbed her temples.

'If you want raw meat, eat the elf,' Heather pointed at Legolas, who was asleep on the floor next to Boromir.

'Elf-sy is dead?' a pale light flickered in Gollum's eyes.

'Yep,' Heather nodded.

'No!' Amanda, Boromir, Aragorn, Gimli, and the assorted hobbits cried out quickly.

'WE IS SO CONFUSED AND HUNGRY!' Gollum wailed, waking up Legolas and nearly giving him a heart attack.

'Heather, you're confusing him,' Amanda said unhappily.

'She is!' Gollum sobbed.

'No I'm not,' Heather told Gollum.

'You're notses?' Gollum asked.

'She is-' Amanda started.

'-not!' Heather finished.

'She is not confusing me, precious, when she isses?' Gollum frowned.

'She is confusing you!' Amanda threw her hands up into the air.

'I'm not confusing you at all,' Heather folded her arms.

'She's not confusing me, but she is when she isn't when she is,' one of Gollum's eyes twitched, and he began to scream; 'WE IS SO CONFUSES, PRECIOUS, IT HURTS OUR BRAINSES, GOLLUM, GOLLUM, OH NASTY CREATURES, WE BITES THEIR HEADS OFF, GOLLUM, MY PRECIOUS!'

'What did I miss?' Legolas asked dumbly as Gollum started hitting himself in the head with a milk carton.

'Heather's being mean,' Amanda groaned.

'Am not when I am when I'm not,' Heather nodded astutely.

'My head hurts,' Sam muttered.

'My stomach hurts,' Pippin moaned.

'My ears hurt,' Frodo sighed.

'No they don't,' Heather decided.

Then the world became bright.

'My eyes hurt!' Heather screeched, hiding her face in her palms.

'No they don't,' Amanda grinned sardonically. 'Where do you think we are?'

'No idea,' replied the currently-blinded Heather.

'I wasn't asking you.'

'Yes you were.'

'_Enough!_' Aragorn cringed. 'Look yonder!'

He was pointing to a large yellow M that stood out clearly amongst the boring landscape. It was atop a grey building that sat in front of them all.

'How majestic looking!' Pippin said from his spot on the ground.

'Like an archway!' agreed Frodo.

'An archway made of gold!' Sam said breathlessly.

Heather and Amanda exchanged amused looks.

'Um…' Amanda finally said, holding back laughter, 'welcome to the magical realm of…McDonalds?'

'McDonalds? Who is the king of such a realm?' Aragorn asked as Heather silently sunk to the ground in a fit of quiet giggles.

'Sir…Sir Ronald…' Heather managed to say between fits of laughter.

'Heather, what's so funny?' Frodo asked as Heather started to roll around in a ball, tears starting to form in her eyes from laughter.

'Don't ask her,' Amanda said wisely. 'Erm…let's go into the…palace?'

'PALACE!' Heather roared and slammed her fists into the ground.

'What's wrong with her?' Frodo whispered as Heather started to mock-bow at the building.

'A lot of things. Let's go,' Amanda led the company away from Heather, who was left with Pippin, who apparently was forgotten.

'ALL PRAISE THE MIGHTY MCDONALDS!' Heather screamed at the top of her lungs.

'Suddenly getting up doesn't seem like such a bad idea,' Pippin decided, jumping to his feet and running to the door. Heather burst into more laughter, got up, wiped her tears away, and walked towards the door.

'So…yeah. People serve food here and…yeah. Except there are no people here,' she heard Amanda say as she entered the building.

'There aren't any people?' Heather asked.

'No. Pet store scenario all over again,' Amanda frowned. 'But hey, the uniforms aren't green.'

Amanda tossed Heather a uniform. Heather grimaced, 'We have to work here?'

'Isn't that the point of McDonalds? To feed hungry travellers? For it to operate there must be workers. Heather, we must do our duty!' Aragorn said regally. Heather gave Amanda a look.

'I had to tell them something!' Amanda defensively stated.

'I'd prefer feeding hungry travellers at Tim Hortons. More doughnuts, less grease,' Heather frowned.

'Don't mention doughnuts,' Pippin nearly gagged next to her.

'One problem,' Amanda grimaced; 'I've never worked in a fast food place before.'

'Me neither,' Heather said a bit worriedly, 'but…how hard can it be, I guess?'

Amanda turned to the others. 'Alright,' she declared. 'We need a strategy. Legolas, you can work at the counter with Gimli. The hobbits can work at making the food. Aragorn can work at the drive-thru. Boromir can do some cleaning. Heather and I will be managers. Any questions?'

'What's a drive-thru?' Aragorn questioned.

'This counter is far too tall!' Gimli complained.

'Will we be cookin' taters?' Sam asked hopefully.

'What's about me, precious?' Gollum inquired.

'Cleaning is for women!' Boromir complained.

'Judging by the time sheet on the door, we have ten minutes until we open,' Heather said anxiously.

'Great…' Amanda sighed. 'Just…great.'

In the end, everyone was set up perfectly in their own spots. Gimli was provided a box to stand on, everyone was provided with the information that they wanted, and soon Gollum had a job – to open the large freezer door whenever he was told to. The clock ticked to opening time and, almost at once, people started to come inside the building.

The first customer was a young mother with a screaming child.

'Happy Meal, please, and quick,' she said as soon as Legolas (whose hair was neatly in a hairnet) took her order, 'and a Big Mac. And some juice.'

The first order of the day seemed to set a dreary tone across the building. For one, the Happy Meal took twenty minutes to be assembled, and it was barely cooked. The Big Mac was served with no meat, and the entire order spilled over the counter when it was set down proudly by Pippin.

'Bugger,' Pippin groaned loudly (if you're wondering about his health, he had drunk a few glasses of water which made him feel much better.)

'Don't swear!' the mother cried out loud, covering her child's ears.

Pippin grew red in the face and slumped back to the kitchen. The meal was scooped back onto the tray, and was nearly off of the counter when Gimli picked up the Happy Meal toy.

'What is this?' he asked confusedly.

'A…toy?' the woman gave him an odd look.

'Terrible quality!' Gimli smacked it down on the counter, causing a loud _crack! _to resonate across the building. 'You know, if dwarves had made this, it would stand up to my axe!'

The woman nearly fainted when Gimli lifted his axe proudly and brought it down on the toy. Blue plastic pieces flew into the air and onto the tray of food.

'What's wrong with you?!' the woman practically screamed.

'What's happening?' Amanda suddenly appeared.

'That man just chopped up my kid's toy!' the woman pointed at Gimli.

'The toy was shit!' Gimli frowned.

'LANGUAGE!' the woman shouted.

'Heather says it all the time,' Gimli said sulkily.

'I say what?' Heather asked, appearing from the kitchen.

'Shit,' Gimli said.

'STOP SWEARING!' the woman's face was beginning to resemble a tomato. Her child started to screech.

'What happened to their food?' Amanda said faintly, looking at the tray.

'Ask Pippin,' Legolas frowned.

'Ask me what?' Pippin's head poked out from the kitchen.

'About the food,' Legolas pointed at the tray.

'PIPPIN, REMEMBER WHAT AMANDA SAID?!' a panicked voice called from the kitchen; 'NEVER LEAVE A BURNER UNATTENDED!'

'Bugger!' Pippin's head swooshed back into the kitchen.

'STOP SWEARING!' the woman slammed her fists onto the counter.

'AMANDA, WHERE DID YOU SAY THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER WAS AGAIN?' Pippin's voice floated out from the kitchen.

'W-why?' Amanda called back nervously.

'OH, NEVERMIND, MERRY WILL PUT IT OUT WITH THE WATER IN THE POT,' Pippin yelled back.

'_Pippin, don't, that's oil!_' Amanda ran past the counter and into the kitchen. A loud hissing noise arose from the room. 'PIPPIN!'

'Erm,' Heather said over Amanda's loud yells, 'we'll give you a refund for your purchase…?'

'A REFUND?! I WANT A LAWSUIT!' the woman then grabbed her child and stomped out the door. Everyone else waiting in line followed her.

'THE FLOOR IS ON FIRE!' Merry's voice was heard from the kitchen.

'I FOUND A FIRE EXTINGUISHER!' Frodo called.

'FRODO, HOLD IT THE OTHER WAY, THE OTHER WAY!' Amanda screamed.

'I CAN'T SEE!' Frodo's worried voice sounded a second later, after another hissing noise had erupted from the kitchen. 'STUPID FIRE EXTINGUISHER!'

'MY TATERS ARE ON FIRE!' Sam shouted.

'Alrighty,' Heather straightened her uniform and shut the kitchen door, 'let's try to make the next order a little more…sane.'

'It's his fault!' Legolas frowned at Gimli.

'The toy was terrible!' Gimli pointed at a chunk of blue plastic that still lingered on the counter.

'PIPPIN, DON'T DO THA – _PIPPIN!_' Amanda's faint voice called from the kitchen.

'Why aren't any smoke detectors going off?' Heather mused to herself.

A loud ringing noise erupted across the building.

'OUR EARSES!' Gollum shrieked from the kitchen. He appeared suddenly, pushing open the door and running through a nearby exit, into the McDonalds playroom.

'I FOUND ANOTHER FIRE EXTINGUISHER!' Frodo yelled from the kitchen. Apparently this time he had it pointed the right way, for there was a slight _hiss _once again, and then silence.

'WE HAVE BUTCHRERED THIS KITCHEN!' Amanda shrieked. She appeared through the kitchen door, singed and smelling of burnt oil.

'Your uniform is on fire…' Heather motioned towards the tail of Amanda's apron, which was smoking. Amanda squashed it under her foot.

'We have work to do.' Amanda muttered shortly.

Fifteen minutes later, and the restaurant was shakily back on its feet. The alarms were disabled quickly by Gimli's axe. Quite a few cooking appliances were mangled in the fire, so as a result the food that came out from the kitchen was appearing slower and slower, and still with very low quality rates.

Aragorn, however, was enjoying his job profusely.

'WELCOME TO THE WONDERFUL REALM OF MCDONALDS, FELLOW RANGER! DOST THOU HAVE AN ORDER?' he repeatedly yelled into the microphone as people pulled into the drive-thru. He then would often be questioned why he was yelling, in which he replied; 'GOOD PEOPLE OF TRAVELLING DESIRE, I YELL SO THAT YOU CAN HEAR ME!'

By the time people were done ordering food (during their conversations they often heard phrases such as 'A MIGHTY CHOICE, TRAVELLER!' and 'YOUR DECISIONS ARE KEEN!' and even 'EXCUSE ME, DEAR TRAVELLER, BUT WHAT _IS_ THIS MAJESTIC HAPPY MEAL THAT MANY SPEAK OF?') they often felt very deaf. Yet Aragorn enjoyed his job, so things ran as smoothly as possible at his end of the McDonalds.

As for Gollum, he had found a very cozy part of a ball pit to bury himself in. He was actually quite comfortable until children started to relentlessly bounce on him, thinking he was a padded patch of flooring. After quite a bit of hissing, spitting, and making bad childhood memories for several kids, he made his way back to the kitchen. He then decided that the kitchen was far too warm for him (the window was open, yet the heat still remained from the fire), so he crawled into the freezer room to cool down for a while. Unfortunately for him, he somehow found himself locked in the freezer. Unfortunately for Heather and Amanda, he also found the frozen meat section.

'I don't want to see a tater ever again,' Sam nearly threw up as Pippin told him to start cooking up another batch of French fries.

'Sam, you love potatoes!' Frodo cried out loud, nearly dropping his spatula on the ground.

'How do you layer the "hamburgers" again?' Merry asked, staring at his attempt – he currently had two hamburger slices stacked with a bit of lettuce in between them.

'Looks about right to me,' Pippin nodded.

'Then it shall go to the counter!' Merry decided.

'Before you go, can you take my "fries" out with you?' Pippin held up a box of fries that had a thick layer of salt on top of it.

'Why is there so much salt?' Merry questioned.

'The salt shaker broke, so I just added a few pinches here and there,' Pippin shrugged.

'Okay,' Merry nodded and brought along the fries with him to the counter.

As you can tell, the quality in the kitchen wasn't as high as it could be. Consequently, Amanda and Heather were swarmed with complaints.

'My burger was still frozen!' a woman shouted unhappily.

'The Happy Meal that my son got had a toy and a single French fry in it. That's it!' a man grumbled.

'I got a bag full of lettuce and salt!' a man held up a take-out bag that was overflowing with green.

'We're new at this!' Amanda assured them. 'We can only get better!'

'You try working with only one stove!' Heather yelled back at them. 'We've had a fire! And we only have book characters cooking! Considering all that, you guys can shut up, eat your bagged and salted lettuce or whatever, and take it like a man!'

'That's sexist!' a nearby woman shrieked.

'YOUR FACE IS SEXIST!' Heather screeched back.

'Okay, okay, okay!' Amanda said quickly before Heather could do more damage. 'We'll offer full refunds for the food.'

She then turned to Heather and shook her head. 'Don't go into customer service when you're older, please.'

'I think I handled it well,' said Heather proudly.

'Um…excuse me?' a small voice came from behind them.

'WHAT DO YOU WANT?!' Heather shouted impatiently, turning around. 'Oh, Merry, nice to see you.'

'Right…' Merry nodded, obviously startled. 'Um…we have some problems.'

'What happened?' Amanda asked cautiously.

'Firstly, we can't enter the freezer. That means that we have no food. And…' Pippin sucked in breath nervously.

'What is it?' Amanda bit her lip.

'We…we can't find Gollum anywhere. I've sent Pippin to the world of colours already, but he didn't find him. We -,'

'"World of colours"?' Heather laughed. 'Do you mean the playroom?'

'He's in there again, looking,' Pippin sighed. 'We always lose Gollum!'

'Alright. Heather, you go to the, ahem, "world of colours" to help Pippin. I'll deal with the customers and then look in some other places for Gollum,' Amanda shook her head.

'What makes you think I can't deal with the damn customers?' Heather asked defensively.

'LANGUAGE!' a nearby woman screamed.

'Holy shi -,' Heather started to complain.

'No, you can't deal with customers. Deal with it,' Amanda interjected quickly. 'Go.'

So Heather stamped off to the playroom as Amanda dealt with unhappy customers. She quickly found Pippin, who was getting off of a slide grinning ear to ear.

'Nice looking skills, Pip,' Heather laughed. Pippin grew red in the face.

'I…' he started to say.

'Don't worry,' Heather waved it off. 'You're basically a child, so you should enjoy childlike things. One day, Pippin, you will outgrow these things and – there's a ball pit here?'

And with that, Heather was off at a run.

'Maybe the stinker is in the freezer,' Sam suggested as Amanda practically pulled apart what was left of the kitchen.

'Maybe. Hey, Frodo, go get Aragorn and see if he can break down the door to the freezer,' Amanda decided. Frodo obliged and brought back an unhappy Aragorn.

'W-what do you w-w-a-nt?' Aragorn asked in a very hoarse voice.

'What's wrong with your voice?' Amanda questioned back.

'I-it h-u-rts from all th-a-t yelling so th-a-t people c-c-could hear me f-rom behind the w-wall,' Aragorn managed to say.

'You don't have to yell for them to hear you,' Amanda said, raising an eyebrow.

Aragorn's eyes grew wide, and he managed a feeble, 'O-oh.'

'Aragorn, can you break down the freezer door for us?' Frodo asked pleadingly.

'I c-can try,' Aragorn nodded. He gave the door a kick – nothing happened. He slammed himself into the door, causing a dent. 'It-t's no u-use.'

'What about getting Boromir to try?' Frodo suggested.

'Where…where is Boromir?' Amanda asked.

Boromir, in fact, was standing in a broom closet. He had been getting instructions by Heather on how to clean the restaurant when suddenly Pippin had started to play with dials on the kitchen stove loudly voicing, 'I wonder what these do?' Heather had left quickly, stating 'Stay there, I'll be back!' So Boromir had stayed and waited. To tell you the truth, he had spent his time just feeling glad that he wasn't doing a woman's job. He'd rather wait than lose his reputation.

When Amanda finally found him, he was sitting on the floor sharpening his knife on a broken slab of countertop that he had discovered in a bucket.

'What are you doing?!' Amanda practically yelled.

'Waiting,' Boromir shrugged.

'We've lost Gollum,' Amanda crossed her arms and stared at him.

Boromir dropped his knife and looked at her. 'Again?'

'Yep.'

'How?'

'No idea.'

'This isn't good.'

'No. And we think that he may be locked in the freezer.'

'Oh…oh dear.'

'Yeah. Want to come help us get him out?'

'Alright…' Boromir collected his knife and got up. As he and Amanda walked back to the kitchen (past a line of angry customers who were waiting for their food) they passed the playroom, where Pippin and Heather appeared coming down opposite slides and throwing plastic balls at each other.

'I HIT YOU, TEN POINTS!' Heather shouted.

'NO YOU DIDN'T!' Pippin yelled back.

'OH NO, I'M OUT OF AMMO!' Heather exclaimed as she slid off of her slide. 'TO THE BALL PIT!'

'What are you doing?' Amanda demanded, striding into the room. Immediately, a large, blue ball smacked her in the forehead.

'TEN POINTS!' Pippin decided.

'We're…um…looking for Gollum?' Heather muttered nervously as Amanda threateningly kicked away the ball.

'Great technique,' Amanda shook her head. 'We think he's in the freezer.'

'Ew, he'll be a Gollumsicle by now,' Heather crinkled her nose.

'We have to go get him out. Come on,' Amanda started to walk back to the kitchen.

'If you hit her again, you win ten more points,' Heather whispered at Pippin. He nodded quickly and stuffed a smaller, purple ball up his sleeve – after all, ten more points would make him win the game of Hit-People-With-Balls-And-Get-Points.

When they arrived in the kitchen, Boromir gave the freezer door a long look. Finally, he flicked a switch at the side of the door, and swung it open.

'H-how?' Amanda asked in amazement.

'It was locked…?' Boromir gave her an odd look.

'I-I knew th-a-t,' Aragorn nodded proudly. Heather gave him a look.

'Precious?' an eerie voice called from the freezer.

'Gollum, are you in there?' Amanda called. Gollum appeared at the door, eating frozen hamburger meat and looking very chilled.

'He's alive!' Heather exclaimed, and then whispered to Boromir; 'Sadly.'

'What are you eating?' Amanda looked doubtfully at the food.

'Cold meatses!' Gollum bit into the handful of frozen beef, crunching through it as if he was eating gravel.

'You're going to be sick,' Heather nodded.

'How much did you eat?!' Amanda looked into the freezer, which was very messy.

'Lotses, precious,' Gollum nodded happily.

Suddenly there was a noise in the front of the restaurant.

'Hi, you must be the new workers here!' a friendly voice called. The group in the kitchen froze.

'Who's that?' Heather asked nervously.

'Dunno; let's go see,' Amanda shrugged. The group progressed into the main part of the building. There, talking to Gimli and Legolas, stood a uniformed woman. On her McDonalds uniform was the word 'Manager'.

'Oh no,' Heather breathed.

'I was told that some new folk were working this morning. I'm sorry that I couldn't come earlier,' the woman explained. 'Who did you get your training from?'

'Heather and Amanda,' Legolas responded proudly.

'He means…us,' Amanda motioned to herself and Heather.

'O-oh,' the woman's smile diminished a bit when she saw Amanda's slightly burnt uniform and hair. 'Where did you get _your _training from?'

'Harvard!' Heather decided.

'Erm…' the woman's smile vanished. 'Right. Do you – wait, why does the kitchen door look burnt?'

The group turned around. Apparently with all of the smoke that the fire had caused, the door had gotten a charred look. The woman started to head into the kitchen.

'I wouldn't do that!' Heather stepped in front of her.

'And why not?' the woman snapped.

'There's…there's a chicken giving birth in there!' Heather said quickly.

The woman blinked a few times and pushed Heather aside. She headed into the kitchen and made a very surprised noise.

'_A chicken giving birth in there_?' Amanda quoted with a raised eyebrow.

'I had to think of something,' Heather frowned bitterly as the woman started to scream.

'YOU BURNT DOWN THE KITCHEN!' she yelled.

'Technically no, we only burned it slightly,' Heather explained.

'YOU TRASHED THE FREEZER!' the woman shrieked.

'Talk to the hobbit-mutant about that; it's not our fault really,' Heather shrugged.

'I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU ALL!' the woman exclaimed when she saw a few boxes of food that were about to make their way to the counter before they were stopped by previously stated events.

'Maybe we should go,' Amanda started to nod.

'Yeah, I just don't feel the love anymore,' Heather agreed.

'I'll need some help down, then,' Gimli said from atop his box. Heather decided to be a kind, gentle friend, so she gave him a push and started towards the door. Gimli made a noise which resembled something along the lines of 'HERBADERBA' and came crashing to the floor. Then the world went dark.

A phone screen flickered on. 'You know, this room is starting to get brighter and brighter,' Heather commented.

'TEN POINTS!' Pippin suddenly yelled, hitting Amanda's arm with the purple ball. 'I WIN!'

'Yay Pippin!' Heather said in a celebratory tone.

'I don't like you,' Amanda frowned.

'Sickses!' Gollum abruptly said.

'Wha -,' Amanda started to say, yet then Gollum started to vomit. 'Ew.'

'Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea? HEY PEPTO-BISMOL!' Heather suddenly started to sing. 'But seriously, that should probably be cleaned up.

**Having never worked in a fast-food place, I have no idea how a fast-food kitchen works. Therefore, I may be wrong with my statements and stuff. Dhsdudsudsugsdydftyfetqw oh well. **

**PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! I SHALL TRY AND UPDATE AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE! I have exams coming up soon, though, so don't expect a story every day, kay?**

**Alsooo, my new Word Processor doesn't auto-correct capitalized words (?) which is weird. Just warning y'all.**

**I was going to put something else here, but I forget…**

**BYEEEEE!**


	7. Runs a Daycare!

_**VERY IMPORTANT NOTICE:**_

**Since we are so close to the tenth chapter (holy crap!) y'all need to hear my plan for it.**

**At first I was going to make The Fellowship go to Hogwarts, but then I was like 'Wait, not everyone has read **_**Harry Potter**_**…' This kinda threw me off, but I have regained my balance, and here is my expert plan:**

_**Since so many people have been giving me suggestions, the tenth chapter will consist of mini chapters of the Fellowship, Heather, and Amanda going on the suggested various adventures. **_**Basically, if you suggested that they go to a theme park, I will write about them going to a theme park.**

_**ONE RULE (to rule them all): **_**Nothing inappropriate, please xD I have to say this because I **_**know **_**that some little troll person is going to be like "MAKE THEM WORK AT A STRIP CLUB :)" and then I'd have to write about them at a strip club and a) ew, b) ew, and c) WRITING ABOUT GIMLI WOULD DESTROY MY SOUL. So, please, for the love of toothpaste, don't be a little troll person.**

**I WILL DO AS MANY SUGGESTIONS AS I AM GIVEN. Please don't be a little troll person and give me a thousand suggestions, though. There's no rule as to how many you can give me, but don't make me wear off the tips of my fingers from too much typing :(**

**THAT'S IT. FOR THOSE PEOPLE WHO DON'T READ MY NOTES (there must be a few of you), YOU CAN JUST SCROLL DOWN TO THE STORY NOW.**

**Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaanks to Aria Breuer, timetable, and Ninja Elf girl for following, to Ninja Elf girl for favouriting the story and me, to those two unnamed Guests, NCISElf, Vana Jedi, Ninja Elf girl, Lotr4eva, and Pip LOTR Lover for reviewing. **

**WELCOME TO THE FELLOWSHIP RUNS A DAYCARE! I will probably do the elevator chapter before the tenth chapter because it will be shorter and therefore I will have more time to write the tenth chapter. Yep.**

'I'm boreeeeeed,' Heather sighed, lying flat out on her back as Boromir contentedly snored next to her. 'And Boromir is drooling on my freakin' arm.'

Quarters had gotten quite cramped in the black box (which was looking greyer, suddenly) when Gollum had vomited all over the ground. With little space, the room was cut in half with Gollum and his pile of half-digested McDonalds meat acting like an ocean in between. On one side were Amanda and all of the hobbits. On the other side were Heather, Boromir, Aragorn, and Legolas.

At first they had tried to make the best of being apart. Pippin and Heather had made a game of tossing the purple ball over Gollum's head repeatedly, but this game ended abruptly when Pippin threw badly and landed the ball into the vomit. Sam tried to be cheery and suggested that they play a game of 'Throw the Vomit-Ball and Try Not to Get Hit', but people were surprisingly not interested.

'Stop complaining,' Amanda groaned. 'At least you have space to lie down.'

'I'm practically getting a bath,' Heather glared at the peaceful Boromir. A sudden clipping noise made her look at Legolas. 'What the hell are you doing?'

Legolas had sneaked a knife from Aragorn's pocket (the latter was sleeping as well) and currently was trying to cut off his bangs.

'These get in my eyes,' Legolas complained.

'Just be careful,' Heather sighed and closed her eyes. Suddenly Legolas gave a little yelp.

'MY HAIR!' Legolas screeched as a huge chunk of it fell to the ground.

'Told you to be careful,' Heather said, staring at the half-bald elf. 'You look even worse than Sam right now.'

Sam blushed from across the room, trying to cover up the hole in his hair that Gollum had made at the pet store.

'My hand slipped!' Legolas shrieked angrily, waking up Aragorn and Boromir.

'I wonder if your fangirls would still love you if they saw you like this?' Heather grinned mischievously, getting ready to take a picture of him with her phone.

'_No!_' Amanda called from across the room.

'But the internet would love it!' Heather pouted.

'It's not fair to the poor elf,' Amanda said, shaking her head.

'How can I be a prince when I'm bald?' Legolas essentially wailed.

'Half-bald, sweetheart,' Heather tried to calm him by patting his shoulder, but since her hand didn't reach, she tried to pat him with her foot. She accidently kicked him in the face instead. 'Oh, shit, sorry.'

'I WANT TO GO HOME!' Legolas rolled up into a small ball. Heather was about to roll him into the pool of vomit, but Amanda shook her head "no".

'Sameses,' Gollum muttered. 'We hurts, precious, yes, stupid nasty girls letting us eat meatses, precious, _gollum!_'

'We didn't do this to you!' Heather yelled unhappily. 'You ate the frozen meat, idiot!'

'Idiot, precious?' a pale light flickered in Gollum's eyes. 'Idiot, she says?'

'Ah, shit,' Heather groaned as Gollum leapt into the air, ready to attack.

Then the world turned bright.

'OUR EYESES!' Gollum squealed and fell short of Heather. Had the vomit been transported, he would have landed in it.

'SAVED BY THE BELL!' Heather yelled at him from behind the comfort of her hands.

'What bell?' Gollum hissed. 'No bells, no, tricksy girl, she confuses us!'

'No I don't,' Heather grinned, taking her hands away.

'WE EATS HER FACE!' Gollum charged at Heather, but was stopped by Boromir.

'You have issues,' Heather sighed as Gollum tried to gnaw off Boromir's thumb.

'No I don't,' Gollum stuck out his tongue at her.

'Enough!' Aragorn sighed, rubbing his temples. 'Where are we now?'

They were outside a big suburban house. It had a cute white picket fence, yellow siding, and a black roof. The lawn was cut to perfection, along with all of the shrubbery.

'Kind of looks like your house, Amanda,' Heather frowned up at the cookie-cutter home.

'Except my parents don't use a ruler to make sure that the grass is the same height throughout the yard,' Amanda said defensively.

'What does the sign say?' Sam asked, pointing to a large wooden contraption stuck on the fence.

'It says "Children Daycare",' Amanda read.

'Seems legit,' Heather nodded.

'Please tell me that we aren't working at a daycare,' Amanda groaned.

'I have a feeling that we are,' Heather predicted unhappily. 'Shall we go see?'

Together they all went through the gate and up towards the house.

'Careful, don't walk on the grass,' Heather advised the group; 'you might make a height difference between the blades.'

In defiance, Gollum jumped out of Boromir's arms and started to viciously eat the lawn.

'Dude, the grass police are going to murder you,' Heather said very solemnly as Gollum proceeded to start to cough up the mass amount of grass that he had eaten.

'Let's just get into the house,' Amanda rolled her eyes and started forwards again.

When they got to the front door, they found it locked. The window, however, was not locked, and Heather climbed in and unlocked the door.

'I feel like we shouldn't be here,' Amanda scowled at the crisp carpet, the unused furniture, and the severely fake plants. The company awkwardly spread themselves around the room.

'I feel like we shouldn't even be breathing,' Heather said with bated breath. 'Maybe the air is artificial.'

'Or maybe it's not, precious,' Gollum hissed from behind her.

'Are you going to contradict me now on everything?'

'No.'

'Goo-,'

'Yes, precious.'

Heather swivelled around to kick Gollum, but instead kicked Legolas in the shin.

'WHY?!' the elf cried out, as Heather repeatedly said, 'Oh shit! Sorry! Sorry!'

'Tricksy girl gets tricked herself, ha, my precious, ha ha,' Gollum jeered from behind Legolas's legs.

'I will end you!' Heather screeched. 'One day, mister, you will die a horrible death! I will kill you! I will cut off your toes -,'

'Heather?' Amanda weakly called out.

'– and I will cut off your bloody arms and make them into a soup and then -,'

'Heather!' Amanda repeated. 'Stop!'

'– and then you will _die_!' Heather turned to look at Amanda. 'Amanda, come on, he can take some harsh words.'

That was when Heather noticed the shocked mother standing at the open front door with her young child.

'Oh shi-,' Heather muttered in surprise.

'SHE DOESN'T USUALLY TALK LIKE THAT!' Amanda said loudly to the mother, cutting off Heather.

'Yes she does,' Gollum nodded.

'Shut up!' Heather aimed a kick at him, yet missed. 'Stay still, you dam-,'

'- YOU DARN CUTE ANIMAL!' Amanda yelled quickly. 'We…we _love _animals here, yes, heh heh, we really do…so, you're here to drop off your child?'

'Erm…' the woman said slowly as she watched Gollum climb onto the ceiling fan. He stuck out his tongue at Heather, yet was flung into a nearby bookshelf when Heather turned the fan on. Books and assorted other things came crashing down.

'JUST EXCERSISING OUR DOG!' Amanda assured her loudly as Gollum got up, cursed, and attempted bite off Heather's leg.

'That's a dog?' the woman asked weakly.

'NO, NOT A DOGSES! I AM NO DOGSES, STUPID LADY!' Gollum shrieked at her.

'He can…talk?' the woman looked like she was about to faint.

'WELL, LOOK AT THE TIME!' Amanda screeched, looking at the clock on the wall (which was off by a few hours). 'MRS. BROWN, WE'LL JUST TAKE JUNIOR HERE, AND THEN YOU CAN GO TO WORK!'

'My name isn't Mrs. Brown…and his name isn't Junior…and -,' but the lady was cut off when Amanda abruptly slammed the door in her face, leaving just her child inside the home.

'_Heather!_' Amanda screamed. 'She's probably going to call the police!'

'It's not my fault that you made us seem sketchy!' Heather shouted back as she pried Gollum off of her leg using the stem of a fake hibiscus plant.

'My name is Andrew!' the little boy said to Aragorn as Heather and Amanda fought.

'My name is Aragorn, son of Arathorn,' Aragorn said kindly.

'Eragon-son-of-Arthen?' the little boy said, slightly confused.

'Good enough,' Aragorn decided.

Legolas limped towards them, saying, 'My name is Legolas, and I am son of -,'

Andrew screamed and hid behind Aragorn.

'YOUR HAIR!' he exclaimed. Then he poked his head out a bit and frowned. 'You're an ugly woman.'

Legolas stood very still. His eye twitched once, and then he sat down on a sofa and started to mutter things in Elvish.

There was a knock at the door. Amanda and Heather stopped fighting.

'I'll get it,' Boromir said, starting towards the door.

'No! Wait until we clean up a bit!' Amanda bellowed. She quickly scooped up all of the books and things and stuffed them back onto the bookcase. 'Heather, quick, hide Gollum!'

Heather looked at a row of doors that lined a wall. 'Hmm, I wonder what's behind door number three?'

'HEATHER, JUST DO IT!'

'Woah, when did you suddenly become a Nike commercial?' Heather rolled her eyes, opened a random door, and unexpectedly kicked Gollum into it. She then slammed the door. 'Kay, Boromir, bombs away.'

'What?' Boromir questioned confusedly.

'Open the door!' Amanda said anxiously as another knock sounded. Boromir yanked the door open.

'Took you long enough!' an agitated man grumbled, stepping inside with two small children. A few other parents entered as well with their kids.

'Well sooooorry if Gollum messed up the living room,' Heather protested back.

'Don't be so improper,' the man griped.

'I can if I want to,' Heather folded her arms across her chest and glared at him.

'LET ME OUT, PRECIOUS!' a muffled voice cried out.

'What the hell?' the man queried worriedly.

'Don't be so improper,' Heather mimicked in a falsetto tone.

'WELL, TIME FOR YOU TO GO!' Amanda squeaked as the parents all started to speak at once about Heather's attitude. Boromir half-lead, half-pushed the adults out of the house.

After ten more minutes and several more drop-offs, the living room was teeming with small children. The Fellowship was having mixed feelings about all the children – the hobbits did very well with them, yet Aragorn, Gimli, Boromir, and Legolas all had tough times. Aragorn was swarmed with kids who were asking things along the lines of 'You have a sword? Cool! Have you ever killed someone?' Boromir was getting like results, and Gimli and Legolas were sitting quietly on a couch as children talked about how ugly they looked.

'Why are you so short?' a little girl asked Gimli. The latter did not respond.

'I bet it's because he drank too much coffee once,' a little boy decided. 'My mum says that coffee fries your brain!'

'Really?' the little girl gasped in wonder.

'Yeah! And it makes you all short, and your hair falls out, and you start to look real ugly,' the boy said cleverly.

'Golly! How much d'you think he drank?' the little girl asked, pointing at Gimli.

'I'd say a whole roomful!' the boy said after thinking for a while.

'What about her?' the little girl pointed at Legolas.

'I'd say two roomfuls!' the boy nodded.

'I will never drink coffee!' the girl swore. 'I don't want to look ugly!'

'You already do!' the boy teased.

'You're stupid!' the girl shouted at him.

'Hey, mister! She called me stupid!' the boy told Gimli. Gimli clenched his jaw. 'Mister? Mister? Sir? Or…m'am?'

At this, Gimli let out a short roar. He got up, carefully stepped over many children, opened the door that Gollum was behind, and shut it behind himself. Legolas soon followed suit after the little girl decided that maybe "she" would look prettier with some permanent-marker-makeup.

Meanwhile, across the room, Amanda and Heather were surveying the situation.

'You know, for some book characters, they aren't too bad at taking care of annoying children,' Heather said proudly.

Just then, a child started to wail very loudly as they pulled a handful of books down on their toes.

'Ah, spoke too soon,' Heather sighed as Amanda went to deal with the situation. After the child had been calmed down, Heather came up with an idea: 'Let's just play outside.'

Seeing as no one else had a better idea, the large company headed outdoors.

'Where's Gimli? Or Legolas?' Amanda asked.

'I saw them hide in the Gollum-room,' Heather shrugged. 'They probably needed some air.'

'DON'T TOUCH THAT!' a worried voice suddenly sounded from across the lawn. Heather and Amanda looked up to see Pippin hopping anxiously around a child.

'What does she have?!' Amanda screeched, running forwards.

'Squishy!' the little girl exclaimed. Amanda felt sick as she realised that the girl had picked up a handful of chewed-up-Gollum-grass.

'Tasty!' a little boy next to her said.

'You didn't seriously eat that, right?' Amanda inquired dimly.

'Yep!' the little boy giggled and ran off.

'What happened?' Heather jogged up, saw the little girl, and turned a shade of yellow. 'Oh god.'

'DON'T OPEN THE GATE!' Pippin suddenly shrieked, running towards the fence. The gate was open, and a handful of kids were dashing madly down the street.

'NO!' Amanda screamed, racing across the lawn, leaving the little girl and Heather to themselves.

'Wanna try some?' the little girl held up a fistful of green mush.

'Maybe next time,' Heather nodded faintly.

Meanwhile, Amanda, the hobbits, Aragorn, and Boromir were all searching fervently for the children. A few were easily caught and were sent straight back to the yard. Some others, though, seemed to be good at hiding, and seeing as nobody knew really how many kids had run off, it was a stressful situation.

'Found one!' Frodo exclaimed, pointing to a recycling bin where a kid was gleefully pretending it was a boat.

'There goes two!' Boromir said, motioning to a hedge where two kids were trying to climb a few branches.

'One went behind a fence!' Merry shouted. 'I'll get them!'

All the while Amanda was repeatedly saying to herself 'Never again, never again, never again, never again -,'

'ONE JUST WENT INTO A HOUSE!' Aragorn shouted.

'DO NOT EAT THAT!' Frodo yelled at the kid in the recycling bin. 'DON'T EAT THAT EITHER!'

'NEVER AGAIN!' Amanda shrieked up at the sky as Frodo continuously repeated. 'NOT THAT! DON'T EAT THAT – NO, NO, BAD!'

As for Heather, she was faring much better. At first the kids had been juvenile delinquents and had scurried around the yard, taunting her and throwing around chewed-up-Gollum-grass. Yet then when she threatened to cut off their arms and use them as pillows, they became quiet. Eerily quiet. You could've heard a pin drop on the soft grass.

'Well,' Heather said shortly, 'that's…better. I guess. Let's go inside.'

The kids nervously lined up and filed back into the daycare-house. Heather walked behind them, feeling slightly anxious herself – had she said something wrong?

'Well…' Heather slowly mumbled after the kids had all sat down on the carpet. Heather herself sat on a chair and cleared her throat. 'What now?'

'Story?' a little girl squeaked.

'Um…okay,' Heather racked her brain for some story she knew off by heart. She could only think of passage of a play that she had learned in English class. Yet seeing it was Shakepeare's _King Lear _and it mentioned popping somebody's eye-jelly out of their eye sockets, she deemed it not very kid-friendly. 'Any…any ideas?'

'Make it about a potato!' a random kid yelled.

'A princess potato!' another shouted.

'And her quest to marry a man named…named…'

'…named king Coca-Cola!'

'And they all live happily ever after!'

'And there's a dragon!'

'And -,'

'Alright,' Heather interrupted before the children could say anything else. She shuffled around in her seat, steadying herself. 'So…so once upon a time there lived a princess potato named…'

'Pepsi!' someone called out.

'Right…' Heather coughed and started again. 'So once upon a time there lived a princess potato named Pepsi. Now -,'

'Don't forget about the dragon!'

'Don't worry. Now -,'

'Or the king!'

'Right, now shut up. Okay, so Pepsi was madly in love with…with king Coca-Cola. But there was a dragon and they all died. The end,' Heather ended abruptly.

'THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER!' some kid cried.

'Fiiiiiine,' Heather groaned. 'Once upon a time there was a potato, blah blah blah, she loved Coca-Cola. But a dragon named, um…'

'Phillip!' a nearby child suggested.

'I was thinking Dr. Pepper,' Heather started to laugh.

'You're weird,' the kid gave her a look.

'But it makes sense because…oh never mind!' Heather straightened up. 'The dragon Phillip wanted Pepsi to be forever alone because he was a big, fat, mean bugger.'

'You swore!' somebody gasped.

'Get used to it,' Heather snapped. 'Now hush, or else you won't get a story.

'So Phillip kidnapped Pepsi and hid her in a large cave. But fairies rescued Pepsi and reunited her with Coca-Cola,' Heather finished happily.

'Too short!'

Heather's eye twitched. She sighed and started again; 'But Phillip wanted revenge. He stole back Pepsi and put her in an oven. He then turned the oven on and watched as she became a baked potato. He then invited Coca-Cola over for dinner. When Coca-Cola asked what was for dinner, Phillip replied, "Oh, I have cooked you an extra special treat – a baked potato!"

'Phillip then took Pepsi out of the oven, covered her in butter and salt, and served her up fresh to Coca-Cola. Coca-Cola ate her up and even asked for seconds. Yet Phillip replied, "Oh, I am so sorry, I have no more!"

'Then Coca-Cola started to get ready to go home. As he was leaving, Phillip handed him a folded piece of paper. "Since you loved the baked potato so much, here's my recipe!"

'When Coca-Cola got home, he opened the paper and read the ingredients:

**Two Teaspoons of Butter**

**A Few Pinches of Salt**

**And**

**ONE PRINCESS POTATO**

'Coca-Cola realised what had happened. He had eaten his princess!' Heather paused for effect. The room was deadly quiet. 'They all lived happily ever after…except for Pepsi, who was dead. The end!'

There was a deep silence. Suddenly the door opened, and in walked the hobbits, Amanda, Boromir, and Aragorn, along with several children.

'Why is it so quiet?' Aragorn asked as the door was shut.

'P-poor P-P-P-Pepsi,' a little girl stammered finally.

'What?' Amanda asked. She then looked at Heather. 'What did you do?'

'NAPTIME!' Heather decided quickly. The children that she had read to all obediently laid down. They then motioned to the newcomers that they should do as they're told.

When everyone had settled down, Amanda stalked over to Heather. 'What did you do to them?'

'I told them a story,' Heather said, a bit guiltily.

'About what?' Amanda tapped her foot on the carpet.

'Long story,' Heather nodded weakly and looked out a window.

After a long while of quiet, there came a knock at the door. Amanda opened it to find a parent. 'You're here already?'

'I got a call from one of your neighbours. Some of the kids here got loose, apparently. Is that true?' he looked Amanda straight in the eye.

'DADDY!' a little boy shouted before Amanda could answer. He got up and ran over. 'Poor Pepsi!'

The man looked at the boy, then at Amanda, then back at the boy. 'Right,' he finally said, 'let's go.'

Soon more parents came, all saying that they had been called on their cell phones, work phones, or home phones about their children running wild in the streets. Finally there was one child left, and their parent eventually showed up. The kid rushed forward, yelling 'MUM! MUM! STUPID PHILLIP, HE FED COCA-COLA PRINCESS PEPSI!'

'Where's your brother?' the woman asked after she had calmed the boy down. 'Elliot, where is Drew?'

There was a deadly silence. Amanda frantically looked around the room – there was no Drew anywhere.

'Oh shit,' Heather breathed out.

'You're meaning to tell me that you lost my other son?' the woman's voice grew shaky as she looked at Heather and Amanda.

'Right here, mama!' a voice called from above. They all looked up to see Drew sitting on the ceiling fan.

'How?' Heather asked slowly as the woman frantically got her son down.

'This is the worst daycare _ever_!' the woman yelled before she slammed the door and hurried off down the lawn, dragging her two boys behind her.

Amanda collapsed onto a nearby couch and groaned. 'Never, ever, in a million-bazillion years will I do this again. EVER!'

'Are they gone?' Gimli's head poked out from behind a door.

'Yes, no thanks to you,' Amanda snapped back.

'Finally!' Gimli exclaimed, pushing the door open and collapsing onto the carpeting. Legolas stepped over him and buckled onto a chair. Gollum stuck his head out of the room.

'Room is nice and darkses, yes, precious,' Gollum said to no one in particular.

'You were in a cupboard for that entire time?' Heather stared at the small room they had emerged from.

'It was better than being commented on like you were some statue,' Gimli huffed.

'I am not a lady!' Legolas suddenly shouted.

'Yes you are,' Gollum contradicted him.

Then the world went dark.

Heather switched on her phone screen. 'Amanda, out of ten, how well did you think we did?'

'Negative one million,' Amanda groaned, lying down (the ground was free of Gollum-vomit now).

'Well aren't you a ray of sunshine,' Heather scowled.

'Wait,' Amanda looked up. 'What _was_ that story that you told them?'

Heather grinned wickedly. 'Once upon a time…'

**Pooooooor Pepsi. It would suck to be baked by a dragon and then fed to your lover.**

**Sooooooo remember to suggest things! If you want to see me write about something, say so! This is your time to shine!**

**See y'all next time!**


	8. Works at a Grocery Store!

**You can still submit suggestions for the tenth chapter! See chapter seven for details :D**

**WEEEEELCOME TO THE EIGHTH CHAPTER. YEP. EIGHTH. HOOOOOOOOLY MOTHER OF SPONGEBOB. **

**The next chapter is when they get stuck in an elevator. Get readyyyy!**

**Alright, now I'm gonna thank y'all (why am I saying **_**y'all **_**so much now?) Schmanks to legolasgreenleaf77, Ninja Elf girl, The NCISElf, Elfwine, Kayla Swift, Gamerforever, Belle, and some random guests for reviewing :3 Thanks to RosePhoenix18274 for favouriting and to shieldmaiden333, Elfwine, RosePhoenix18274, and Allthatisgolddoesntglitter for following! You guys all rock :D**

**AND NOW WELCOME TO THE FELLOWSHIP WORKS AT A GROCERY STORE. AT FIRST THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO OWN IT, BUT NOT ANYMORE. HOPEFULLY YOU ENJOY STILL. **

'They all lived happily ever after…except for Pepsi, who was dead. The end!' Heather finished reciting and looked proudly across the room. Everyone (even Gollum) looked disturbed.

'What. The. Hell.' Amanda finally managed to say. 'You told the kids that story?!'

'Think of the morals that they'll get from it!' Heather exclaimed defensively. 'Now they know not to accept meals from their enemies, to not have romantic relationships with food, and, best of all, they now know how to make a delicious baked potato!'

'I seriously wonder about you sometimes,' Amanda hung her head in disbelief.

'I think I should get that story published,' Heather decided. 'I'd sell millions of copies of it and get filthy rich.'

'Well, when that happens, do tell me. In the meantime, I won't be holding my breath,' Amanda sighed and flopped onto the floor.

'I…I didn't like that story,' Merry said very seriously.

'Me neither,' Pippin shuddered.

'POOR PEPSI!' Sam cried out, and then burst into tears.

'Look what you did!' Amanda scowled at Heather.

'Pepsi's in a better place now, Sam,' Heather assured the hobbit. Then Heather got a confused look on her face. 'You didn't tell me how getting all the kids rounded up went.'

'Don't ask,' Amanda said with a pained expression. 'Just don't.'

Then the world became…dark.

'MY EY…wait, what?' Heather stopped her usual complaining and looked around. It seemed to be night out. 'Well, this is a plot twist.'

'It's nighttime,' Aragorn proclaimed.

'We salute you, Captain Obvious,' Heather snorted. 'Now, if you want to be helpful, find out where we are.'

'At a grocery store,' Amanda suddenly said.

'How do you -,' Heather then saw a large neon sign with the words "Grocery Store" in flashing green. 'Great name choice. I don't know how they thought it up.'

'Let's go in; its cold,' Pippin shivered.

'Agreed,' Frodo said. The company then started towards the building. When they reached it, they found a time card which stated that the store was open 24/7.

'I guess we're working a nightshift,' Amanda groaned.

'We never get paid for our work,' Heather complained.

'We got the prize money from the game show,' Amanda suddenly remembered.

'I nearly forgot about that!' Heather hit herself on the head with her hand. 'Dude, that was like a millennium ago!'

'Not quite,' Amanda shook her head. 'Maybe a…week? I have no idea. Everything is just blended together.'

'Yep. I've even stopped trying to think of why we are going on stupid adventures with The Fellowship,' Heather grimaced and opened the door to the building. 'Ladies first – Legolas, that means you.'

'I'm a man!' Legolas howled very loudly. 'Why does everyone think I'm a woman?!'

'Because you are,' Gollum decided.

'I will disembowel you,' Legolas glared down at the creature.

'Woaaaaah, Leggy is getting angry!' Heather bellowed.

'I'm tired,' Legolas sighed and walked into the building.

'I'm hungry!' Pippin moaned.

'I'll buy you some food when we get inside,' Heather promised him. 'Now let's get in.'

Upon entering the store, they found a very annoyed man tapping his foot on the ground as he constantly checked his watch.

'You're late,' he spat as they all entered.

'Your face,' Heather sneered back.

'I beg your pardon?' the man asked, genuinely confused and still very peeved.

'That's right,' Heather folded her arms neatly.

'Right. Well, you're all late to your first nightshift. That doesn't make a very good first impression, does it?' the man crossed his arms as well.

'We just got here,' Heather explained.

'I know that,' the man sniffed.

'No, you don't understand; we were literally just teleported here,' Heather clarified. He gave her a strange look.

'I don't think I want you working as a cashier,' he said after a short silence.

'Fine. I'll work on a new name for this place, seeing as right now it's stupid. How about "The Store Where You Can Buy Food, But You Will Lose Your Happiness"?' Heather suggested nastily.

'Has a ring to it,' Pippin agreed innocently.

'Get to work! We have customers,' the man snapped angrily.

'Why are they all invisible?' Heather questioned unhappily.

'That's it! You'll be ordering supplies all night, you…you…you ninny!' the man cried aloud before he stomped out of the door, handing a clipboard bitterly to Amanda as he passed her.

'Wow. I am so hurt I think I might explode,' Heather sighed jokingly.

'You need to work on your people skills,' Amanda exhaled loudly.

'Stop being such a ninny,' Heather said, sticking her tongue out.

'Right. Okay, let's see what we have here,' Amanda looked at the clipboard. 'We have copies of a map of the store here. I guess everyone can have one.'

As she handed the maps out, she assigned people their jobs.

'Aragorn, you work as a cashier. Basically except people's money and stuff. Be nice like you were at McDonalds. Boromir and Gimli, you work as cleaners – yes, Boromir, you have to do a _feminine _job, suck it up buttercup. Legolas and the hobbits, you can walk around the store and help people. Gollum, you can open up the door for people and go and bring back shopping carts. I'll show you what I mean. I'll be a supervisor, I guess, and Heather is going to be the dreaded supply-ordering-person,' Amanda finished.

'What's a shopping cart, precious?' Gollum asked curiously.

'I'll show you,' Amanda reassured him. 'Now let's go!'

The group dispersed to their places. Legolas and the hobbits went around in a large clump, at first very bored, but when they found the cereal section they suddenly became very cheery. Aragorn was the opposite – at first he was very excited to be helping people get their nourishment again, but when nobody showed up he became very uninterested. Eventually he slumped against the cash register and fell asleep. Boromir and Gimli were unhappy from the beginning, seeing as cleaning was not at the top of their "Fun Things to Do" list. They moped about with their mops, at one point starting to enjoy themselves when they started to duel with them, but then Amanda told them to stop and they went back to sulking. Amanda was having an average time, and as for her shopping-cart-student Gollum, he was asleep against the front door.

Heather was not in a very good mood, however.

When she arrived at the "office room" she found that it was the size of a closet. There was a small chair, a desk, a phone, and a bulletin board all stuffed into it. There was no light in the room, just one large window that was across from a streetlight. Heather plopped onto the chair, sighed, and looked at the bulletin board. There was an envelope pinned on it labelled "NIGHT WORKER", so she grabbed it and tore it open. This is what it read in the pale light:

_Sucks to be you! Working the nightshift sucks, but working the nightshift and ordering supplies sucks even more!_

_Enclosed is a list of things that you need to order. Please note that the phone is very old, and for it to work you must dial 7 before you put in the number, then after that you must subtract two million from the ORIGINAL number (that means you forget about the seven) and add it to the end. Then you must press the call button three times. No joke._

_FOR EXAMPLE:_

_The number 555-5555 would be -_

_(7) 555-5555 – 2 000 000_

_7-555-5555-3555555_

_(You would put that in and then press call three times.)_

_It seems that you're stuck ordering lettuce – sucker!_

_P.S._

_The math is sometimes hard when it comes to dialing the numbers. There should be a calculator on the bulletin board, but my cat ate it. Long story. _

After tediously reading the letter, Heather pulled out the sheet of paper with the list of things to order on it. It was very long.

'Alright, let's do this,' Heather straightened her back and looked at the first number. 'So at first I press seven…then I do the math…'

She pulled out her phone and turned it on. 'I'll just use this as a calculator and -,'

Then the phone died.

Heather sat in silence as she stared at it.

'Well, I guess I will have to do the math in my head,' she said, her eye slightly twitching. 'Could…could be worse.'

Then the streetlight outside went out, and the room was plunged into near darkness.

Heather clenched her jaw. 'I have a feeling this isn't going to go well.'

Meanwhile, in the cereal aisle, Legolas and the hobbits were having a marvelous time tearing open all of the cereal boxes and dumping their contents on the floor.

'I LOVE THIS STUFF!' Pippin shouted very loudly as he dived into the cereal pile that had been created.

'What are these?' Merry asked, holding up a box of Pop-Tarts.

'I dunno, open them,' Pippin replied as he scooped up some cereal mixture and stuffed it in his mouth.

'THESE ARE AMAZING!' Merry exclaimed after eating one. 'Here, Sam, try one!'

Sam did, and he started to dance around in delight. 'Better than taters! I love Pop-Tarts now!'

'This stuff is pretty good,' Legolas said, eating some All-Bran cereal.

'Is it sugary?' Pippin asked.

'Erm, no,' Legolas replied. 'But I'm pretty sure that it's good for you. It tastes like it, at least.'

'If it's not sugary, it's not worth eating,' Pippin frowned.

'Here, here!' Merry agreed loudly before he stuffed five Pop-Tarts in his mouth. Just then, Gimli and Boromir rounded a corner and walked into their aisle. 'Herro Germly! Herro B'r'm'r!'

'What…what have you done?!' Boromir nearly shrieked. 'We'll have to clean this up!'

'And people say that I'm ladylike,' Legolas laughed, pointing at their mops.

'GO AWAY!' Boromir and Gimli shouted abruptly, and Legolas and the hobbits were so surprised that they obliged. They headed into the cookie aisle and were shocked to find a customer.

'Herro!' Merry cried out to him, spewing crumbs everywhere.

'Yeah…' the person nodded, giving him a strange look. 'Do you know where the pop aisle is?'

'The _what_ aisle?' Frodo asked.

'The pop aisle. You know, like Pepsi?' the guy gave Frodo an even weirder look.

'Oh…oh, my good sir, I am so sorry,' Frodo bowed low. 'Pepsi is…dead.'

At this, Sam burst into tears again. He ran up and hugged the man.

'Did you…did you know her?' he cried.

'Get off! Off!' the man yanked Sam off of him and took off at a run, yelling something along the lines of, 'I can find the damn aisle myself!'

The group watched the man flee. Sam was still sobbing uncontrollably.

'Sensitive lad, wasn't he? Doesn't like hugs, it seems,' Pippin crossed his arms and shook his head.

'Poor Pepsi,' Frodo sighed. 'It seems that she was known by many.'

'Hey, look!' Merry suddenly shouted. 'I found cookies!'

Sorrows forgotten, they all started to dine on cookies (except for Sam, who continued to sniffle and eat Pop-Tarts.)

The man who they had scared eventually found his Pepsi, and he brought a case to the checkout, where he found Aragorn sleeping soundly on the cash register.

'Hello?' the man asked hesitantly.

'GREAT GOBLINS, YOU ATE THE DOG?' Aragorn yelled, waking with a start. 'Oh. Hullo. I was…dreaming.'

'Right…I just want to buy some pop,' the man rolled his eyes.

'Pop?' Aragorn asked.

'I'm buying Pepsi!' the man said in an exasperated tone.

'Oh…oh, my good sir, Pepsi is dead,' Aragorn bowed his head.

'Not again!' the man groaned.

'Yes, she was baked by the dragon Phillip and fed to her lover, Coca-Cola. I even know his recipe,' Aragorn sighed.

'Um…right. Can I just buy my pop and go?' the man said slowly.

'Okay. How would you like to pay?' Aragorn asked like Amanda had told him to.

'Debit please,' the man held up his debit card.

'What?' Aragorn queried. 'Is that some sort of money-token?'

'YOU KNOW WHAT? I CAN BUY PEPSI SOMEWHERE ELSE!' the man suddenly screamed.

'No you can't, she's dead!' Aragorn explained.

'You're…I…' the man then stomped away, towards the door. He stalked past the weird doorstop that he had noticed when he first came in. It had slipped in front of the door and was currently blocking his way. He kicked it, only to have it start moving.

'He kickses us, precious, mean man!' the doorstop (AKA Gollum) hissed up at him.

'YOU'RE ALIVE?!' the man screeched.

'Yes, nasty man,' Gollum frowned.

'I…I just wanted to buy some Pepsi at 3 AM. Is that too much to ask?!' the man finally broke down and started to bang his head off of a nearby wall.

'Pepsi is dead, precious,' Gollum said. 'Stupid man.'

'I'M DONE!' the man kicked Gollum out of the way and stormed outside.

'He kickses us again! Nasty man! We bites him!' Gollum angrily whispered and followed the man outside. Gollum snuck into the man's car just before the door was closed and situated himself in the backseat. He watched intently as the man turned on the radio and blasted _Bohemian Rhapsody _at full volume as he drove out of the parking lot, unknowingly driving Gollum away with him.

Meanwhile, Heather was literally tearing out her hair as she screeched swear words at the top of her lungs.

'I SUCK AT MATH! THIS PHONE IS SHIT! I WANT TO GO HOOOOOOME!' she squawked, bashing her head repeatedly off of the close wall.

She had made two orders with suppliers, yet there were still probably fifty to go. The first order went badly – it was for butter, yet the person who picked up the phone only spoke French. Heather knew very little French, and within the first sentence she had severely offended the person she was speaking to by calling them "sir" instead of "m'am". When she had finally gotten through to a person who spoke English, she read the order out wrong and bought one thousand more packages of butter then was needed. She was too angry to call back.

The second order had gone even worse. She had been buying chicken breasts, and the person that picked up the phone was intent on making her buy turkeys too. The conversation went something like this:

'Can you speak English?' Heather asked hopefully as the person on the other line picked up the phone.

'Yeah. Your voice is all crackly. You need a better phone. Know what else you need? Turkeys,' the person replied.

'No, I need some chicken breasts. Can I get thirty?'

'Thirty turkeys, you say?'

'No, thirty chicken breasts. Get a piece of paper, I'll give you the address.'

'No, no, you need to buy some turkeys.'

'It's not on the list.'

'They're very cheap!'

'I. Don't. Want. Turkeys.'

'Buy five and get two free!'

'Holy shit, just send me some freakin' chicken breasts!'

'First you have to order some turkeys.'

'Dude. No. I don't want your damn turkeys.'

'Yes you do.'

'No. No, I do not.'

'They're so tasty!'

'I don't careeeee.'

'Om nom nom nom!'

'CAN YOU JUST SEND ME WHAT I NEED?!'

'Turkeys?'

'I WILL BUY SOME TURKEYS FROM YOU. HOLY SHIT, I'LL BUY THEM ALL, JUST SHUT UP!'

So Heather ended up purchasing fourteen hundred turkeys.

Sadly, she completely forgot about asking again for the chicken breasts.

'I hate my job, I hate my job, HATEHATEHATEHATEEEE!' Heather screamed as she stared back down at the list. 'Oh, great, look what I'm ordering! LETTUCE! LETTUCE! I HATE MY JOOOOB!'

Angrily, she did the math for the lettuce-supplier and called them. The phone had just finished its first ring when it was answered.

'HELLO?' an old woman's voice screeched on the other end. 'THIS IS MARTHA. IS THIS STEVE?'

'No, I am not Steve,' Heather clenched her teeth.

'STEVE! SO NICE TO HEAR YOUR VOICE!'

'I'm not bloody Steve! I need some lettuce!'

'WHAAAAT?'

'LETTUCE!'

'LET US…LET US DO WHAT?'

'I NEED TO BUY LETTUCE. YOU KNOW, THE GREEN PLANT? GOOD IN SALADS?'

'YOU WANT TO RECITE ME A BALLAD?'

'NO! I WANT TO BUY LETTUCE!'

'LET US DO WHAAAAT?'

'LETTUCE! L-E-T-T-U-C-E!'

'CABBAGE?'

'NO! NOT CABBAGE! LETTUCE!'

'LET US DO WHAT? STEVE, SPEAK UP BOY!'

'I WANT TO BUY SUPPLIES FROM YOU!' by this point, Heather was ready to punch a hole in the wall.

'YOU WANT TO BUY SOUP EYES?'

'SUPPLIES!'

'SUPPER DIES?'

'PRODUCTS! SUPPLIES! LETTUCE!' Heather started to shriek into the phone.

'OOOOH, YOU WANT TO BUY SOME LETTUCE!' the lady finally understood.

'YES. YES! HOLY SHIT, YES!'

'I'm sorry, Steve, I don't have any lettuce in stock. Have a nice day!' the woman then hung up.

Heather sat in silence for a very long time. Eventually she calmly put the phone down in its holder and stood up.

'I. Am. Done.' She muttered slowly. She peacefully opened the door.

Or, at least, tried to; it was locked.

Heather stared at the handle, took a deep breath, and then started to scream bloody murder.

A long ways away from Heather's small enclosure was Gollum, still in the man's car, enjoying himself profusely. The man had the a window down and Gollum was enjoying the breeze while he plotted on how to kill the nasty man.

'Too cold,' the man suddenly muttered to himself. He rolled up the window. Gollum stared at him, and then rolled down the window when he wasn't looking.

The man gave a jump and stared at his window. He rolled it up again, just to have Gollum roll it down.

'Too cold!' the man exclaimed again.

'Too hot, nasty fat man!' Gollum replied bitterly, scaring the man so much that he drove into a tree, causing the airbags to deploy. Gollum gave a loud scream, followed by, 'WE HATES HIM! WE HATES HIM, PRECIOUS, HITTING TREES AND GIVING US HEADACHES!'

The man would've replied, had he been conscious. Being that it was not the case, the car became very quiet.

'Nasty fat man?' Gollum asked, peering at him. 'Deadses, yes? Tasty, yes? We eats his face, yes, yes!'

Then Gollum saw something more interesting – the shining car keys.

'Keys! Keys! Why, we loveses keys, don't we, precious?' Gollum squealed in delight, yanking them out of their slot. 'Sparkly, glimmering keys! We wonder whats they're for!'

Then Gollum jumped out of the window and hurried in the direction of which he was sure the grocery store was. A few minutes after his departure, the man woke up. He started, looked around, and gave a laugh – he obviously had just had a dream. His car wasn't badly damaged, and he was about to back it away from the tree when he realised that he had no car keys. He looked on the floor. He looked in his pockets. He looked in his backseat. They were gone.

Back at the grocery store, there was another customer. Legolas and the hobbits wanted to make sure that this one felt welcome, so they stalked the person, hiding behind displays or in empty shelving units when they turned around. Boromir and Gimli were still unhappily cleaning up the cereal, and Aragorn was having a splendid time taking coins from the cash register and trying to land them on a nearby light fixture.

Amanda was panicked, though; Gollum was gone once more. She was just about to get Legolas and the hobbits to help her find him when she glanced outside and found him obediently dragging a shopping cart back to the store (he had found it on his way back and decided to use it as a cover story.)

'Heavy cartses, it hurts our arms, _gollum_,' Gollum muttered to himself as he pulled the cart back to the store. Then he had an idea – why not ride the cart back to the store?

He clambered into it and settled his weight at the front of the cart. The pavement was slightly sloped, and soon he was speeding towards the store like some deranged Indiana Jones impersonator.

'What is he doing?' Amanda asked herself as she saw him quickly rolling towards the store. 'He knows that he won't be able to stop, right?'

The answer – no.

Gollum crashed into the glass door, spraying large chunks of glass everywhere. Amanda had had the sense to move out of the way at the last second, and was completely unscathed. The cart, however, had many of its wire bent, and Gollum – well, he had suffered worse.

'What just happened?' Gimli queried, coming out from an aisle with his mop, followed by Boromir. 'Don't..._please _don't tell me that we have to clean this up.'

'Funses!' Gollum laughed. 'Although we lost a tooth, precious.'

He held out his hand, which had a bloody tooth on it.

'Congratulations, you are now eligible for money from the Tooth Fairy,' Heather suddenly said, appearing from an aisle.

'Aren't you supposed to be ordering supplies?' Amanda asked her.

'The phone suddenly snapped in half. I don't know how,' Heather said, trying to sound innocent.

'Okay…wait, why are there woodchips in your hair?' Amanda questioned, giving Heather and strange look.

'Let's just say that breaking down doors can be messy,' Heather frowned and shuddered a bit. Suddenly a coin landed on her head. 'OW! What was that?!'

'Sorry!' Aragorn called from his place at his cash register. 'I missed the light!'

'Alrighty then,' Heather grimaced, rubbing her head. 'Where are the elf and his army of short people?'

Right on cue, Legolas and the hobbits came out of their aisle. Sam was still munching away on Pop-Tarts, and Merry and Pippin had discovered powdered sugar in the baking aisle and were currently taking turns eating handfuls of it.

'We lost the customer!' Legolas suddenly cried aloud.

'You did what?' Amanda asked.

'We were following them around so that we could help them,' Frodo replied cheerily, his tongue a violent shade of purple from a Popsicle that he had eaten.

'You don't need to follow them around,' Amanda cringed.

'Oh…' Frodo's face grew red. 'Oops.'

Suddenly their customer appeared from the cracker aisle. They looked up and gave a little jump when they saw the hole where the door used to be.

'What happened?' they queried weakly.

'Don't ask,' Amanda shook her head unhappily.

Then the world grew dark.

'Heather, are you going to turn on your phone?' Amanda asked after a long time of silence.

'Well, about that,' Heather said uncomfortably. 'The phone's battery went.'

'We'll just have to charge it sometime.'

'About that…'

'Yes?'

'I kind of maybe threw the phone out of a window in anger after the door wouldn't open…'

'What?'

'Yeah, I did, right after I tore the grocery store's phone in half. Phones just aren't my thing today.'

'I don't even want to know,' Amanda groaned, rubbing her temples.

'Want a Pop-Tart?' Sam asked pleasantly.

'How many have you eaten already?' Heather slowly questioned.

'Around ten boxes worth,' Sam shrugged.

'And the _Healthy Hobbit of the Year _award goes to Samwise Gamgee!' Heather celebrated sarcastically. 'I'm so proud of you Sam.'

'I'm not,' Gollum hissed.

'And the _Ability to Detect Sarcasm Award _goes to Gollum!' Heather sang as she slumped down on the ground.

'But he's terrible at detecting sarcasm!' Sam frowned.

'Yes, he's very bad,' Aragorn agreed.

Heather sighed, 'And I'm going to need more awards.'

**This chapter was slightly influence by **_**Chad Vader **_**and by a **_**Hyperbole and a Half **_**blog post about going to a grocery store at night. I had very little ideas for this chapter, so I was like 'When has a grocery store ever made me laugh?' and then BAM! So, yeah. I'm giving credit where it's due. I also don't own any LOTR characters. Go figure.**

**Also, I was really starting to crave Pop-Tarts because of writing this, but then I wrote Poop-Tarts by accident and then my craving was gone. Just thought I'd let you know xD**

**READ! REVIEW! ENJOY WHATEVER YOU DO! Ha haaaaa, I rhymed! I have exams super soon, but I'll probably still update. Also, I'm going to see The Hobbit again tonight even though I should be studying. It just goes to show that I am a true Tolkien fan. Yeeeep.**


	9. Gets Stuck in an Elevator for 24 Hours!

_YOU CAN KEEP ON SENDING IN YOUR IDEAS UNTIL CHAPTER TEN IS ACTUALLY PHYSICALLY UP. SEE CHAPTER SEVEN FOR DETAILS._

**HELLOOOOO. I had wanted to update sooner, but then I got sick-ish and yep. Sooooooorrry :c I feel better now, though :D**

**THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER BEFORE THE GAZILLION WORD CHAPTER! Well, probably not a gazillion words. Maybe ten thousand? Noooooooo idea. **

**I'M REALLY HAPPY BECAUSE THIS STORY HAS OVER 50 REVIEWS. You guys rock :D *Erm, when typing guys, I wrote 'guts' by accident. Yum…**

**SO schmanks to Pergjithsme, lahphantomhives, heyitsduuduu, hmikulak, and LALALANDROX for following! Thanks to lahphantomhives and Krissy001 for favouriting! And thanks to Pergjithsme, Elfwine, lahphantomhives, Fireworks, The NCISElf, radishesandspectraspects, QUEENOFTHEDEMONS, MysticRoseDrop, Ninja Elf girl, Pip the Invader, Kayla Swift, and a random guest for reviewing :D**

**Pip the Invader; I think they might make good anime. I'm not really into anime, mind you, but the hobbits would make some pretty cute chibbis! Gollum, on the other hand… o.o Schmanks for the review!**

**MysticRoseDrop; didn't go in costume this time xD May or may not go in costume for the third. Thanks for the review!**

**SO HERE IS THE FELLOWSHIP STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR FOR 24 HOURS. EEEEEENJOY.**

'Gollum, come on bro, they don't taste that bad,' Heather sighed as Gollum tried to tear out his tongue.

'Poison! Foes! _Poison!_' Gollum screeched. 'It bites our tongue! Poison! Stupid girl, she poisons us, precious!'

'Gollum, I fed you a freakin' Pop-Tart, not a bottle of cyanide,' Heather groaned.

'Pop-Tarts aren't poison!' Sam grumbled as Gollum started to bash his head into the ground.

'Too sweet!' Gollum screamed. 'POISON!'

'Okay, so obviously Gollum doesn't like Pop-Tarts,' Amanda said as she shook her head. 'Moving on…'

'Wonder what he'd think of Tim Tams,' Heather grinned wickedly.

'I'm pretty sure only you like those, Heather,' Amanda remarked.

'Australians like them too!' Heather retorted.

'What's an Australian?' Merry asked.

'Is it a type of food?' Pippin questioned hopefully.

'No,' Amanda said shortly as Heather secretly nodded at the two hobbits.

'My tongueses,' Gollum finally moaned, collapsing on the ground. 'Stupid Heather. We would bites off her face if we weren't poisoned, precious.'

Then the world became viciously bright.

'GAH!' Heather shrieked, ducking her face into her hands. 'WHY IS THERE NEVER ANY WARNING?!'

'Because having our retinas damaged is half the fun,' Amanda explained sarcastically.

'What's a retina?' Merry asked.

'It's part of an eye,' Amanda responded quickly before Pippin asked if it was a type of food.

'Where are we?' Heather groaned, looking up. They were all in a long hallway with fiercely bright ceiling lights and plain white walls. There were white tiles beneath them. The only part of the corridor with colour was a small fake plant next to a set of stainless steel elevator doors.

'Shiny!' Gollum squealed with delight as he saw the metal.

'Do you think we have to go into the elevator?' Heather asked unhappily.

'Probably, why?' Amanda queried.

'Remember that one time at the hotel?'

'Oh, right.'

Then there was a small cough from behind the group. They turned around to find two businesspeople staring down at them.

'Ahem,' one of them, a man, said through clenched teeth. 'Erm, elevator.'

'Oh, we're going in too!' Amanda said as she got up. The others followed suit as she headed towards the doors. The doors opened and showed that the elevator was actually quite spacious, if not very sterile looking. The mirrored walls were spotless, the floor was unmarked, and the ceiling carpet looked like it had recently been vacuumed.

The man and the other businessperson (a woman) slowly walked into the elevator after The Fellowship had clambered in.

'What floor?' Amanda asked pleasantly as the doors shut. The two strangers were unable to answer, because at that moment Gollum realised that he was in a smaller place than he wanted. He gave shriek and jumped, smacking into the selection of buttons, pressing nearly all of them. He then proceeded to scamper up Boromir. When he was atop the Gondorian's protesting head, he launched himself onto the carpeting and clung onto it.

'What is that?!' the woman yelled loudly as Gollum swung hissing from the ceiling.

'Well, I don't know,' Heather commented sardonically. 'I'm going to take a wild guess here and say that it's not mistletoe, although you never know.'

The elevator started to move upwards and Gollum started to scream very loudly, somehow pounding a fist on the carpet without falling.

'WE HATES THIS! WE ALWAYS DO!' he shouted shrilly.

Then the elevator slowly came to a standstill. Amanda decided that the company should get out on this stop. She really didn't want a stressed out Gollum for the rest of this mini-adventure. She started towards the door and waited for it to open.

It didn't open, though.

'Um…' Heather said slowly as the lights started to flicker. 'What the hell is happening?'

'No!' the man groaned, tapping one of the elevator buttons hurriedly. 'I have a meeting! I don't have time to be stuck in an elevator!'

'Stuck in an elevator?' Amanda repeated dimly.

'Hoooooly shit,' Heather said with wide eyes.

'Stuck in an elevator with Gollum,' Amanda commented, staring nervously up at the creature.

'Kill me now,' Heather groaned.

**HOUR ONE**

'I don't like this,' Frodo mentioned anxiously. 'All the mirrors…and there's very little space.'

'I'm thirsty,' Pippin sighed. He looked at the businessman, who was holding a very large mug of coffee. 'Hello, sir. What's your name?'

'D-Dave,' he replied, gawking blatantly at Pippin's hairy feet.

'My good sir Dave, may I have some of your drink?' Pippin asked, and then, without waiting for an answer, he grabbed the mug and started to down the contents.

'Pippin, manners!' Amanda chided the hobbit.

'My…coffee,' Dave said very miserably.

'I love coffee!' Pippin decided.

_Fifteen minutes later…_

'Pippin, bro, maybe it's time for you get off of the ceiling,' Heather called up to the hobbit, the latter hanging upside down right next to Gollum and giggling like a maniac.

'DAVE, THE MAGICAL ELIXIR JUICE HAS MADE ME HAPPY!' Pippin exclaimed cheerily. 'I CAN FLY NOW!'

'No, no you can't!' Amanda said, shaking her head wildly. 'Pip, no!'

Pippin let go of the ceiling and started to flap his arms. He fell onto Dave's head.

'DAVE, MY GOOD SIR, YOU HAVE CUSHIONED MY LANDING!' Pippin bellowed.

'Get. Off. Of. Me.' Dave hissed through his teeth.

'COFFEEE!' Pippin screeched, falling down and starting to laugh.

'Slipses!' Gollum suddenly squeaked.

'Wha-,' Heather started to ask, but Gollum fell right onto her head. '_GOLLUM!_'

'WE ALL FALL!' Pippin shrieked with laughter. Abruptly, the lights turned out.

'Are we back in the dark room?' Amanda asked hopefully.

'What?' the strange woman's voice inquired.

'Nope. Also, Gollum, get off of my freakin' face,' Heather replied angrily.

'LIGHTS GONE! TIME TO SLEEEEEEEP!' Pippin decided loudly.

'Good luck with that,' Heather grimaced.

**HOUR TWO**

'Pippin, stop chewing on my foot.'

'MERRY, YOUR MAGICAL FOOT-SKIN-STUFF TASTES LIKE BEEEEEER!'

'Good to know, Pip. Now get off!'

'FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!'

'I'm missing my meeting,' Dave groaned in the darkness.

'I'M EATING FEET!' a joyful Pippin cried out.

'Pippin, do you have a foot fetish?' Heather asked in a very serious tone.

'FETISH? CAN YOU EAT A FETISH?' Pippin questioned hopefully.

'Yeah, it goes great with a side of Australians, lightly seasoned,' Heather explained.

'Heather, you're weird,' Amanda sighed from within the dark.

'Hey, at least I'm not like Pippin,' Heather said defensively.

'SAM, YOUR FEET TASTE LIKE…RAINBOWS!' Pippin suddenly exclaimed.

'My point has been proven,' Heather decided.

'Rainbows, precious? We've never eaten a rainbow before!' Gollum suddenly realised from the gloom.

'Sam, hide your feet,' Heather advised him.

'HIDE THEM IN MY MOUTH!'

'Great idea Pip…'

'I want out of this elevator,' the random woman moaned.

'WHYYYYY? WE HAVE COFFEE AND FEET AND DAVE AND COFFEE AND DARKNESS! AND COFFEE! AND DAVE. HE'S REAL NICE. YOU SHOULD MARRYYYY HIM!' Pippin screeched very loudly.

'Introducing Pippin; the ultimate matchmaker,' Heather called out sardonically.

'YOU THINK SO?' Pippin screamed happily.

'No.'

'I DOOOOOOOOO!'

**HOUR THREE**

'The coffee should wear off soon, Leggy,' Heather said optimistically as Pippin chewed on the elf's feet.

'I think he's drawing blood,' Legolas complained.

'BUTTONS MADE OF BEEF!' Pippin squeaked happily, and, with that, the lights slowly flickered back on. 'BEEF BUTTONS MADE OF!'

'Good English, Pip,' Heather said sarcastically, staring at the suddenly visible hobbit.

'My feet!' Legolas cried out; they were riddled with red teeth marks. 'Pippin!'

'ELF IS LIKE A-A-A-A-A-A BEEFCOW! COWBEEF? BEEEF!' Pippin squealed.

'Pippin, you will never get any coffee ever again. Holy shit, never, ever, _ever _again,' Heather decided.

'My boss is going to kill me,' Dave groaned, staring at his watch.

'Same,' the strange woman sighed.

'What is your name?' Heather suddenly asked her.

'Amanda,' the woman said slowly.

'WHAAAAAAT?' Pippin shouted loudly.

'Well, this is a conundrum,' Heather frowned. 'Okay, you are called Business-Amanda-Lady-Stuff.'

'That's too long,' Boromir frowned.

'Okay!' Amanda said quickly before Heather could make a _That's What She Said _joke. 'Then we can shorten it.'

'We'll just call you Business-Stuff,' Heather told the second Amanda; 'and we can shorten it to BS.'

'Heather!' Amanda sighed. She turned to the second Amanda. 'How about Amanda-Two?'

'I like BS better,' Merry said.

'BS! BS AND DAVID SHOULD GET MARRIED AND HAVE COFFEE AND TWELVE CHILDREN NAMED PIPPIN, PIPPIN, PIPPIN, PIPPIN, PIPPIN, PIPPIN, PIPPIN, PIPPIN, PIPPIN, PIPPIN, PIPPIN, AND JOHN,' Pippin shouted.

'Good name choices, Pip,' Heather nodded appreciatively. 'Although slightly repetitive.'

**HOUR FOUR**

'H-H-H-H-ea-th-th-er!' Pippin stuttered.

'Feeling a bit jittery, eh, Pip?' Heather asked, grinning.

'I should be going to lunch right now,' Amanda-Two (BS had been ruled out once what it meant was explained to the company) complained.

'L-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-un-ch-ch?' Pippin stammered. 'C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-o-o-ffee-ee?'

'You don't need any more caffeine, Pip,' Heather laughed. 'We've seen what it does to you, and I'm glad that it's wearing off.'

'My feet hurt,' Legolas complained.

'Look at mine! He's practically bitten a toe off!' Merry hissed, holding up a very red foot.

'T-t-tas-t-t-t-y!' Pippin grinned.

'Pippin, cannibalism isn't good,' Amanda sighed.

'But-t-t-t-t-t i-i-t's de-l-l-l-i-ciou-s-s-s,' Pippin grinned.

The rest of the hobbits hid behind Boromir.

**HOUR FIVE**

'I spy with my little eye…something that is shiny!' Heather cried aloud.

'The mirrors…' Amanda replied heavily.

'Yep! Your turn.'

'I spy with my little eye…something that is mutated.'

'There's a possibility of three things.'

'Go ahead.'

'First, Merry's chewed up foot. Second, Gollum. Third, YOUR FACE!'

'…seriously?'

'If I had to go with one, I'd go with the last one.'

'Let's think of a new game…'

**HOUR SIX**

Everyone was asleep.

Except for Pippin.

He had climbed back onto the ceiling.

**HOUR SEVEN**

'WHAT THE SHIT?' Heather screeched as Pippin's shivering body fell onto her head, consequently waking her up from her dream about bacon.

'L-l-l-lost-t-t gr-i-p!' Pippin giggled.

'I WANT OUT OF THIS ELEVATOR!' Heather screamed to no one before she curled up into a little ball and fell back asleep. Her yells, however, had woken everyone else.

Pippin, having nothing better to do, waited for everyone to fall back asleep. He then decided to explore Amanda-Two's purse. He found a tube of lipstick. He ate it. He found some coins. He attempted to eat those, but ended up choking on a quarter. Eventually he coughed it out, letting it land in Heather's hair. He left it there and ate a few twenty dollar bills. He found a small white box and opened it, consequently eating the contents. He wished he could fall asleep, but he was very jumpy still. He found what looked to be perfume. He decided that Legolas would love to smell nice when he woke up. He aimed it at the elf's face.

'WHAT?' the elf yelled as the "perfume" hit his eyes. He jolted upright and then started to yell. 'PEPPER SPRAY! PEPPER SPRAY _AGAIN_!'

'Wh-oo-oo-ps-s-s,' Pippin giggled nervously as all suddenly opened eyes stared angrily at him.

**HOUR EIGHT**

'My eyes. My poor eyes,' Legolas groaned from his secluded elevator corner. Pippin had been banished to the ceiling of shame.

'He ate my designer lipstick! My one hundred dollar designer lipstick!' Amanda-Two complained loudly as she went through her purse. Above her head, Pippin burped. 'He…he ate some of my money too!'

'Heather, I don't know how to tell you this, but there's a saliva-y coin stuck in your hair,' Amanda giggled, pointing at the spot. Heather reached up and pulled off the sticky quarter.

'I'm going to kill that hobbit,' Heather decided.

**HOUR NINE**

'I'm hungry,' Merry sighed.

'Same,' Sam nodded.

'Yep.'

'I'm hungry as well.'

'S-s-a-me-e!'

'Pippin, you've already eaten!'

'Hey, look here,' Dave said, holding up a tin of mints. 'I have some mints, if anyone wants one.'

Suddenly Pippin landed on his head, grabbed the tin, and then launched himself back onto the ceiling.

'Or not…' Dave said as Pippin downed the entire amount of mints above him.

'M-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-inty!' Pippin stammered happily from above.

'Hobbits,' Amanda sighed.

**HOUR TEN**

'We hates small spaces, yes, and we'ves been here for hours and hours, precious, hours, precious, _gollum,_' Gollum muttered to himself. Around him, Boromir, Legolas, Gimli, Dave, and Amanda-Two were sleeping. 'And we is hungry!'

'I am t-oo!' Pippin agreed, his stuttering starting to fade.

'You're always hungry,' Merry called up to him. 'You're worse than Sam.'

'Hours!' Gollum wailed, waking up Dave and Amanda-Two.

'What…what is that thing?' Amanda-Two asked again.

'A wall ornament imported from Germany,' Heather replied.

'No, seriously.'

'A sentimental greetings card for a wedding.'

'_Seriously!_'

'A hotdog truck!'

Amanda-Two folded her arms and sighed loudly.

'If you have to know, he's a robot,' Heather said at length.

Amanda-Two perked up. 'Really?'

'Yeah. And I know the commands for him. So be nice, or else I'll tell him to bite your frickin' face off,' Heather nodded wisely.

'Tasty?' Gollum asked Amanda-Two, staring intently at her face. The latter suddenly became very quiet.

**HOUR ELEVEN**

For the past forty minutes, Gimli had been singing an old war song that had been passed down for generations along his family line.

Pippin was getting so annoyed that he purposefully fell onto the dwarf, somehow knocking the latter out. This went unnoticed, however, since Pippin had sliced his hand on the dwarf's axe.

'I have a first aid kit in my purse!' Amanda-Two screamed as Pippin's hand bled everywhere. She didn't have one, however, because; 'HE ATE THE FIRST AID KIT!'

**HOUR TWELVE**

Pippin's hand was wrapped up in Dave's tie. Dave wasn't very pleased.

At first there had been a large pool of blood on the ground that Amanda-Two wasn't very happy about. Then Gollum, attempting to be useful, licked up the blood for her. This made her even unhappier.

And as for Gimli, he was still unconscious.

**HOUR THIRTEEN**

'My hand is all tingly. And I'm hungry,' Pippin sighed.

'If you sleep, you forget that you're hungry,' Gimli informed him (he had woken up with a headache, but he had forgiven the hobbit.)

'But then I dream of food!' Pippin wailed.

'Shire world problems,' Heather stated.

'What?' Pippin asked, confused.

'Never mind, Pip. Go to bed.'

'But -,'

'I will get Gollum to eat your face.'

With that, Pippin flopped down on the cold ground and sighed loudly.

**HOUR FOURTEEN**

'We've been here for about fourteen hours,' Amanda-Two grimaced, staring at her phone. 'I'm going to be fired.'

'I _really _have to go pee,' Pippin sighed.

'Okay, Pip, TMI,' Heather groaned, rubbing her temples.

'Like, _really._'

'You shouldn't have had all that coffee!'

'And I feel sick. That lipstick doesn't sit well.'

'If you vomit and make the elevator smell bad, I will personally end you.'

'Whats about me, precious?' Gollum huffed.

'Right. I will personally get Gollum to end you.'

Suddenly the elevator started to move again. Everyone sat up and started to cheer. Then the elevator settled at the floor it was supposed to be at and the doors opened…slightly. A crack between the doors appeared and that was it. The elevator, once again, had broken.

'ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!' Heather screeched at the ceiling.

'So close, yet so far,' Amanda groaned.

**HOUR FIFTEEN**

'I can literally see an exit door,' Heather sighed, staring out of the small window that the elevator doors had created.

'We hates it!' Gollum hissed. 'We hates this _elevator _precious, yes, precious, and we is still hungry! We needs something to gnaw on, precious, to eats, yes!'

A pale light flickered in his eyes. He turned and looked at Frodo, who lay sleeping nearby.

'Is he tasty? Is he soft and juicy, my precious? We eats him, yes, yes!' Gollum said to himself, reaching out to strangle the poor hobbit.

'GOLLUM, I BANISH YOU TO THE CEILING OF SHAME!' Amanda shouted quickly. Gollum turned to her.

'Try and makes us!' Gollum retorted.

**HOUR SIXTEEN**

Gollum was eventually secured on the ceiling by using some gum that was found in Dave's briefcase. Pippin had volunteered to chew the gum for the endeavour, yet he ended up swallowing a few sticks and the task was then given to Merry.

'We is stuck!' Gollum wailed. His hands and feet had been stuck to the carpeting with the gum. The task had been done by Boromir, who had stood on Aragorn's back to reach the top. 'We hates gum!'

'But it tastes delicious,' Pippin responded.

'You're not actually supposed to eat gum, Pip,' Amanda sighed. 'Or lipstick, for that matter. Or first aid kits. Or money.'

'Or feet!' Merry added in a huff.

'Or Australians. I was lying,' Heather confessed, still staring out of the crack in the doors. Pippin gasped at this.

'I…I can no longer trust you, Heather!' Pippin cried out, a bit dramatically.

'Yes you can,' Heather assured him.

'Don't start this again!' Amanda groaned.

'Start what?'

'The…opposites-thing!'

'I wouldn't…'

'Good.'

'You mean bad.'

'Wha – _Heather!_'

**HOUR SEVENTEEN**

'My boss is going to roast me alive and serve me up on a silver platter,' Dave groaned, looking at his watch.

'Sounds tasty,' Pippin grinned.

'Pip, you're having some definite weird moments here. I think the coffee fried your brain,' Heather sighed.

'Fried brain,' Pippin mumbled, salivating.

'Dave, your "magical elixir juice" has ruined my hobbit. I want a refund,' said Heather.

'What's a refund?' Merry asked.

'It's not edible!' Amanda said quickly before Pippin could ask any questions.

'Damn,' Pippin sighed.

**HOUR EIGHTEEN**

Everyone had fallen asleep again. Heather was sleeping against the elevator door, hoping that it would open fully.

The door suddenly shuddered and moved a centimetre, waking Heather. She jumped up and started to dance, consequently kicking Legolas in the face again. The elf woke up and didn't even give a large reaction; he just sighed, turned over, and went back to sleep.

'IT'S OPENING!' Heather screamed hopefully. 'Or…it was…it was opening.'

Everyone groggily looked at her.

'I hate my life,' Heather groaned, collapsing on the ground and falling back asleep.

**HOUR NINETEEN**

Everyone was asleep except for Pippin, who was complaining to himself about how badly he had to pee and how he wanted to eat and perhaps drink something.

Then he spotted something poking out of Dave's briefcase; a flask.

He grabbed it as quickly as he could and downed the contents. Feeling a bit better, he went to sleep.

**HOUR TWENTY**

'THE GREEN DRAGON IS L-O-V-E-V-X-Z-Y; LOVELY! LOVELY PLACE TO GO; BS AND DAVE SHOULD GET MARRIED THERE! THEY SHOULD AND I WOULD BE THERE AND BE THE FLOWER GIRL AND YEP. FUN. CAKE. I LOVE CAKE. CAKE CAN COME IN TWENTY COLOURS. OR MORE. HAVE YOU HAD CAKE? CAAAAKE. CAKE IS GOOD FOR YOU, I BET!' Pippin screamed at the top of his lungs, waking everyone up.

'Pip?' Merry asked weakly as his friend began to try and lick his elbow.

'FLASK IS FULL OF LIQUID AND YUM! YUMMY FLASK JUICE, DAVE, IT WAS LIKE CAKE…ONLY MORE LIQUID-Y!' Pippin screeched.

'You…you drank from my flask?' Dave questioned faintly.

'What was in it?' Amanda queried quickly.

'Red Bull…' Dave replied. 'We're not allowed it in the office, so I hide it…'

'Oh no,' Heather groaned, looking at Pippin. The hobbit had picked Frodo off of the ground and was currently doing some strange dance, the entire time talking about how cakes should be baked in flasks.

**HOUR TWENTY-ONE**

Pippin had been gagged using a spare tie that Dave had had in his briefcase.

The elevator was eerily quiet. Even Gollum (who was still hung up) was silent.

**HOUR TWENTY-TWO**

'WOOOOOOOO, CAKE AND PIE! CAKE AND PIE! PAKE AND CIE!' Pippin yelled.

'The gag slipped!' Heather sighed, readjusting it. 'Pippin, you need help.'

'Arnd cafke!' Pippin said thickly around the tie.

'Right,' Heather nodded. 'Go to sleep, or else I will get Gollum to eat you.'

'We is up here,' Gollum called from above. 'We can't eat from ups here!'

'Then I'll force-feed you to Merry,' Heather told Pippin.

'Heather!' Amanda sighed. 'That's cannibalism. Try not to promote it with him.'

'Fine, I'll force-feed you to Amanda.'

**HOUR TWENTY-THREE**

Pippin had successfully chewed through the tie (eating about half of it in the process) and Dave ended up giving up one of his socks to gag the hobbit.

Pippin actually passed out from the smell. No one was complaining about his sudden quietness, though.

**HOUR TWENTY-FOUR**

'We've now officially been in here for a day. When will someone come and get us?' Amanda-Two complained. Pippin nodded unhappily from beside her, still gagged with the sock and still slightly groggy from his fainting spell.

'Maybe we'll never get out,' Heather said sadly. Right on cue, the doors of the elevator opened. 'Why are my dramatic moments always ruined?'

In a rush, everyone stumbled outside. Amanda barely remembered Gollum, and had to hold the doors open for Boromir so that they wouldn't shut on him as he took the creature down.

'We hates gum!' Gollum screamed, flinging the bits of the stuff that still lingered on his hands onto the floor. Pippin happily went around, picking up the pieces and eating them whole. Everyone was too exhausted and unhappy to stop him.

Then, suddenly, the lights went out.

'Oi, Amanda-Two, turn on your phone!' Heather called out.

Nothing happened.

'BS, turn on your phone!'

Nothing happened.

'Heather, we're in the dark room,' Amanda said slowly.

'Oh,' Heather replied, 'right.'

'I'm starving,' Legolas sighed. 'And my eyes are still a bit sore.'

'I HAVE TO GO PEE!' Pippin yelled, the sock uselessly hanging around his neck.

'I really hope,' Amanda sighed, 'that we're transported soon.'

'Preferably to a relaxing situation. Like a resort hotel,' Heather nodded.

'What's a resort hotel?' Merry asked.

'CAN YOU EAT IT?' Pippin questioned hopefully.

'…yes,' Heather decided. She then fell onto the ground and tried to get some sleep while Pippin tried to think of what a "resort hotel" might taste like.

**Pippin is very OOC in this chapter. Oh weeeeell, coffee and Red Bull aren't good for anyone, especially a hobbit.**

**NEXT CHAPTER IS VERY LONG. It may take a while to be posted. Keep on suggesting stuff :D**

**Byeeeeeee!**


	10. Goes on Several Adventures!

_***If your story suggestion doesn't appear, it is for one of these four reasons:**_

_**1. The suggestion was too close to a chapter that was already posted.**_

_**2. The suggestion was too close to an upcoming chapter that I have planned.**_

_**3. The suggestion didn't follow the given rules.**_

_**4. The suggestion wouldn't have made for a very long chapter – if you suggested, for example, that Legolas sneezes and needs a tissue, I can't really make that into a mini-chapter. Sorry xD**_

**Well, first off I would like to say I AM SO SORRY YOU HAVE NO IDEA I FEEL SO BAD AND I JUST DESERVE ALL OF THE YELLING THAT YOU'D LIKE TO YELL AT ME AND YEAH SO PLEASE FEEL FREE TO GET ANGRY AND SHOUT AT ME AND BASH ME ON LIKE YOUR PROFILE PAGE AND WHATEVER BECAUSE I FEEL SO BAD FOR MAKING YOU GUYS WAIT THIS LONG BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME AND I SUCK AND I'M SORRY THAT I DO AND YOU GUYS PUT UP WITH IT AND YOU SHOULDN'T BUT THERE'S NO OTHER WAY TO DO THIS SO I'M SORRYYYYY SO SORRY AND PLEASE DON'T HOLD BACK YOUR ANGER BECAUSE IT'LL HELP ME NOT DO THIS EVER AGAAAAAAAIN. I just realised that I used basically no punctuation in that run-on sentence. You probably don't want to read it all, so I'll summarise: SORRY. I'M SO SORRY. I'M SORRY FOR MAKING YOU WAIT AND YOU CAN BE ANGRY AT ME. **

**If you feel that you need more apologising, just ask me and I can apologise more. I'm sorry. So sorry. Sorry x infinity and beyond. **

**Secondly, this chapter is a bit shorter than planned (specs at the bottom), because I found a lot of suggestions sounded like they were going to make big chapters, but then turned out to sound really stretched when writing them. Sorry :( **

**Thirdly, thank-you's will be stated next chapter because you guys probably want this chapter as soon as I can post it, and looking through my messy email to find the names of people who followed, reviewed, etc will postpone posting this. SORRY AGAIN D:**

**Finally, I hope you enjoy this even though it was late! It took a lot of work to make (time at the bottom) and it was fun :D So enjoy :D**

…**Runs a Candy Store!**

**(suggested by a guest)**

'Pippin, I swear, if you keep on chewing on my shoe I will kick out your front teeth,' Heather sighed as the hobbit slobbered all over her sneaker.

'FOOT-Y GOODNESS!' Pippin screeched, letting go of the shoe. He then rolled over to Merry. 'HELLO FRIEND!'

'Hullo Pip,' Merry said with an eyebrow raised. Pippin shrieked with giggles and started to drool.

'Pippin and Red Bull do not mix very well,' Amanda stated.

'My eyes are still kind of in pain,' Legolas groaned.

'Suck it up, Leggy-kins,' Heather said as she tried to wipe off the saliva from her foot using her sleeve. 'Urgh. Pippin drools enough to wash a car.'

Then the world became bright.

'WHY?' Heather screamed, slapping her hands over her face. Sadly, she had forgotten that her sleeve was soaked with Pippin-slobber. She ended up getting a face full of it. '_GROSS!_'

'We appear to be at a candy store,' Amanda said, staring up at a bright storefront. 'Just what Pippin needs; more caffeine.'

'EGGS!' Pippin randomly squealed in joy.

'Ooh, we loveses eggses, precious!' Gollum agreed wholeheartedly.

'Should we go inside?' Amanda asked Heather.

'I think we're supposed to,' Heather responded with a grimace. 'Alright. Let's go in.'

The group walked up to the door and entered, going into a room. The walls were splatted with multicolour paint and the floor consisted of various colours of tiles cut up and glued down. There was one large counter under which candy was kept in large glass jars, and across from this display were several large bookcases holding boxes and bags of sweets.

'I'm slightly speechless,' Heather stated, gazing around the room.

'YUM!' Pippin suddenly screeched. He had secretly snuck away from the group and had found a bowl of hard candies. He was eating them, wax paper wrappings and all.

'Pippin!' Amanda squeaked. 'You'll get sick!'

'THEY TASTE LIKE SAM'S FEET!' Pippin decided, finishing off the bowl. 'SAAAAAAAAAM!'

'Pippin…' Sam sighed, hanging his head.

'I found uniforms!' Amanda suddenly declared, holding up a bundle of candy floss coloured aprons.

'Eurgh,' Heather groaned, looking at them. 'I take it we're working here?'

'I guess so – _Pippin, you don't eat the wrapper_!' Amanda exclaimed as Pippin attempted to eat a chocolate bar.

Suddenly the door behind them opened and they all turned around. There stood a customer, looking strangely at them all.

'H-hey?' they said slowly, staring particularly weirdly at Gollum.

'HULLO! MY NAME IS-IS-IS-IS _PIPPIN_!' Pippin shouted back, scaring the person so much that they gave the company one last sweeping glance and hurriedly walked out.

'Pip, you're making us lose business,' Heather sighed, putting on her pink apron.

'OH NO!' Pippin shrieked, and then began to laugh hysterically.

'We'll have to humanely secure you in a location that will help us better our customer's experience but not put you in harm's way. Can you let us do this?' Heather asked professionally.

'OKAY!' said Pippin, oblivious.

A few minutes later, he was tied up in a back room using taffy wrappers and a few bits of random duct tape.

'Okay, so nobody let a customer go into the back room,' Heather warned everybody as she shut the door on the unaware hobbit. The others nodded as they put on their aprons.

'Pink! Pah, pink is a terrible colour,' Boromir complained bitterly.

'Hey, at least you don't look like Gollum,' Heather consoled him.

'We hates you,' Gollum hissed.

'Likewise, hobbit-mutant-thing. Okay, so where do I stand?' Heather asked. 'It's a bit tight in here.'

'You can be a cashier. I'll be one too. Everyone else can just…help people, I guess,' Amanda explained with a frown. Then, in walked a customer. 'Why, hello! Welcome to…to…'

It was at that point that she realised she didn't know what the store was called.

'…to our store…place…_thing_…' Heather said, trying to be helpful.

'Right…' the customer muttered. 'I need to buy some bulk jelly beans for a party.'

'What's a jelly bean?' Legolas questioned. The person just stared at him.

'Jelly beans are right here!' Amanda said quickly, taking a jar of the multicoloured candy out from under the counter.

'No, no, I only want orange ones,' the person said impatiently.

'Oh, okay. We should have some orange ones around here,' Amanda assured them. Sadly, none were to be found except for the ones mixed up in the jar. 'Erm…Heather can pick the orange ones out of the jar for you! How much do you think you'll need?'

'A lot,' the person grumbled as the jar was passed to Heather.

'I have to go through _all _of this?' Heather whined.

'Just get a bag and start sorting,' Amanda told her sternly.

'Fine,' Heather sighed, grabbing a plastic bag and starting to put orange jelly beans in it.

'Wait, wait!' the customer suddenly shouted. 'You're putting the wrong colours in the bag!'

'…what?' Heather asked. 'They're all orange…'

'No, see; that one is peach-toned!' the customer clarified, pointing irritably at a jelly bean in the bag. 'That one is too; and that one is too; and that one!'

'They look orange,' Heather complained.

'They're not,' the customer snorted.

'Holy shi-,'

'_Heather_!'

Heather clenched her teeth, swearing profusely in her head as she took away the "peach-toned" jelly beans and added more orange ones to the bag.

It seemed to be a very popular candy shop; over the course of an hour, many customers came in. Heather was still picking orange jelly beans from the jar, and the customer had left to go do more shopping, leaving their cell phone number for when Heather had sorted out a few bags of jelly beans.

'Do you think they'll go through the bags before they buy them?' Heather questioned Amanda.

'Probably not,' Amanda answered.

'Good,' Heather decided, tossing peach-toned jelly beans into her bag.

Then, half an hour later, she had finished her task.

'Ew,' Heather moaned, staring at her multicoloured hands. She reached for the store's phone and dialed the person's number. They picked up after a few rings. 'Hey, it's me, from the…candy store place. Want to come and pick up your order?'

'Erm, I bought the orange jelly beans from a different store. Sorry!' the person responded, and then hung up. Heather stared at the phone for a few seconds, then let out a huge roar, picked up the jelly bean jar, and chucked it at the window. It broke through with a crash, spraying glass and jelly beans all over the outside sidewalk. Thankfully, nobody had been walking by at the time.

'_Heather_!' Amanda shouted.

'I HATE ORANGE JELLY BEANS!' Heather decided loudly, throwing the bags also through the hole in the window and onto the sidewalk.

Another half hour later and two unhappy looking men walked into the store.

'Hello, welcome to our store! Would you like to test a marshmallow treat?' Amanda said quickly, although she had a feeling that these men weren't interested in sweets.

'We're here from _Health and Safety_. We had a call from a person driving by your store – apparently a jar of gumballs came flying through your window. That would explain the hole in the glass,' one of the men explained sharply.

'Ah, wrong store,' Heather said, 'sorry.'

'I beg your pardon?' the man questioned.

'You're at the wrong store. The jar that went through the window here was full of jelly beans, not gumballs. Sorry!' Heather illuminated quickly.

'We're not here for games,' the other man sighed.

'Ooh! We likes gameses!' Gollum suddenly announced.

'What…' one of the men's voices trailed off as he stared at Gollum. Then he cleared his throat. 'We'll need to take a look around your store. It is also now officially shut down, and investigations will ensue.'

He then headed towards the back room, no doubt about to inspect it. It was at that moment that both Heather and Amanda remembered about their hobbit friend being tied up in the room, and how that probably would _not _go over well with an inspector.

'Before you go in there,' Amanda said speedily, 'why _not_ try one of our marshmallow treats?'

'Or-or-or…or a chocolate!' Heather suggested.

'No thanks,' the man replied coolly, 'I'm on a diet.'

He then opened the door.

'HERRO!' Pippin shouted from behind his gag. He struggled to his feet and started to walk towards the doorway. 'MER NERM ERS PER-EN!'

'What the hell?' the man shouted. 'You are holding a child captive?!'

'Ooooh dear,' Heather sighed as Pippin toppled over (his hands still tied up) onto the ground, giggling like a maniac around his gag.

'He's not a child!' Amanda explained optimistically.

'You still are holding someone captive!' the other man yelled at her.

'No, we're just keeping him in a safe and secure area,' Heather said.

'You've tied him up with wrappers!' one of the men screamed.

'And…and duct tape,' Heather admitted in shame.

'I helped!' Gimli added proudly.

'You're all going to jail!' one of the men hissed. Then the lights went out.

'Pippin, I'm…I'm…oh, never mind,' Heather sighed, lying down on the dark room's floor. 'I'm glad that ended when it did.'

'ERM STERLL TERD ER-P!' Pippin bellowed.

'Good,' Heather muttered breathlessly. Nearby, Gollum started to cough. 'What now, mutant-hobbit?'

'Poison! Foes! Treachery! _Gollum_!' Gollum shouted.

'What did you eat this time?'

'I gave him one of those marshmallow treats,' Sam said, a bit abashed.

'I'll forgive you if you give me one.'

'ER WERNT ERN!'

'Pippin, for one thing you're gagged, and secondly you don't need any more sugar.'

'…dermn ert.'

…**Goes to a Fancy Restaurant!**

**(suggested by The NCISElf)**

'Pippin, eating plastic isn't good,' Heather said knowledgably as Pippin attempted to eat the wrappers that had once held him (he had somehow torn them off.)

'BUT I'M _HUNGRY_! LIKE, SUPER, TOTALLY, AMAZINGLY HUNGRY! FOOD! NEED FOOD NOW!' Pippin exclaimed.

'You could have a marshmallow treat,' Sam suggested – he had hidden many in his pocket.

'Or not!' Amanda interjected quickly.

'BUT I' M STARVING!' Pippin shrieked, waving his arms around enthusiastically.

'Yes, but we don't want you to become more hyper,' Amanda said as if talking to a child.

'BUT I'M HUNGRY…AND DAVE ISN'T HERE WITH HIS MAGICAL JUICE ANYMORE AND THAT MAKES ME SAD,' Pippin exclaimed, still wiggling his arms. 'DAVE AND I ARE BEST FRIENDS. I WISH THAT HE WASN'T GOOOONE!'

'Pippin, I hate to break the news to you, but Dave doesn't like you,' Heather said somberly.

There was a silence.

'LYING MAKES PEOPLE GROW BIG EYEBROWS!' Pippin told them all. 'HEATHER, DON'T LIE, OR ELSE YOU'LL GET BIG EYEBROWS!'

'I'll keep that in mind, Pip,' Heather said, rolling her eyes.

Then the world became bright.

'ERRG!' Heather screeched, dramatically keeling over.

'W-welcome,' an unsure voice sounded from above them. They looked up (except for Heather, who was still complaining about her eyes.)

'Hello,' Amanda said towards the person; a waiter, it seemed.

'May I show you to your table?' he asked, trying not to stare at their pink uniforms.

'Eyes…' Heather moaned.

'Try being sprayed in the face with pepper spray,' Legolas hissed.

'We'd love to go to our table!' Amanda decided loudly. They all got up and followed the waiter. He led them to a very beautiful table in a secluded room of a restaurant (at least, Amanda was pretty sure that they were in a restaurant – there were framed pictures of newspaper articles written by food critics everywhere.)

'Have a seat. May I take your drink orders?' the waiter asked.

'I think a jug of water would be good for each of us,' Amanda declared, sitting down.

'E-each?' the waiter stammered.

'WATER! THIRSTY!' Pippin screamed – there had been a bathroom at the candy store and he was now ready to drink again.

'Alright…you have your menus in front of you, so-,' the waiter began, but the sound of tearing paper stopped him – Pippin was ripping up his menu. 'We…we have a children's menu, if he wants one.'

'RIP PAPER! TIED UP WITH WRAPPERS BEFORE, NOW FOOD!' Pippin yelled.

'Right…' the waiter nodded before leaving the room. He came back several times, dispersing jugs of water that were greedily downed. When he had delivered the last jug (it was to Pippin – the hobbit stuck his face in the jug in order to drink it, surfacing only to blurt out random words and take deep breaths) he straightened his back and put on a smile. 'May I take your orders?'

'Kay, so we're all half-starved right now, so be prepared,' Heather forewarned. 'I'd like two plates of spaghetti – extra cheese, extra meatballs, extra garlic bread, et cetera. I'd also like a plate of ribs and a plate of shrimp. And a basket of bread. And another jug of water. And maybe a glass of juice? And then I might order more food after that – I'll definitively order dessert.'

The waiter gave her a long look.

'I myself cannot even finish _one _plate of spaghetti – and you want two? And other orders as well? The plate of ribs is very large too…and the shrimp is enough to feed three; it's a group meal!' the waiter explained. 'But…alright. Everyone else?'

The rest of the table placed their orders – Gimli asked for five plates of ribs, which made the waiter nearly faint. Amanda requested a few buckets of raw seafood for Gollum, and she asked that Pippin should get food with the least amount of sugar. This turned out to be a fish and rice dish, so she ordered four, along with a bread basket. The amount of food was astronomical.

When the waiter eventually returned, he came with several other waiters dragging heavy carts behind them. The food was distributed and the waiter promised to return often to see if they needed anything.

There was quite a bit of silence as everyone ate. They were all so hungry that no one – not even Pippin – talked for a long time. Even Legolas was devouring his five-cheese roasted spinach salad without a word.

Finally, though, when people were feeling a bit fuller, there was talking and laughter. Pippin was feeling less hyper with food sitting in his stomach, and was actually able to form coherent sentences (although he still laughed loudly at even the slightest thing.)

The waiter kept on coming and clearing away plates, plates, and even more plates. He kept on bringing food too, although most of this was going to the hobbits. Sam, for example, had already demolished seven plates of ribs and was working on his eighth, mixing it up with an entire gravy boat's worth of gravy. Pippin had eaten probably enough fish fillets to make up a small tiger shark, Merry had eaten enough steaks to make up a calf, and Frodo – who was usually very dainty – had eaten probably the equivalent to a bag or two of potatoes, baked with extra sour cream and chives.

Gollum was also enjoying himself – the seafood was much better than what he usually ate, and much more plentiful. He had gone through his first buckets quickly, and had screeched for more so loudly that the waiter had heard him from across the building and had to bring him a bucket before he made the rest of the customers deaf.

Yet then the food started to come slower, and in fewer quantities. Gollum's buckets began to appear half full – Pippin's fish came without the rice – Sam's ribs were smaller – Merry's steaks were small too – and Frodo's potatoes were arriving with no sour cream or chives.

Eventually the waiter appeared with no food in hand. 'I regret to inform you,' he began, 'that we have…erm…run out of dinner-food. We apologise. May we interest you in dessert?'

'He said dessert!' Pippin called out, and then burst into giggles.

'I'm. So. Full.' Heather groaned. 'But I saw in the menu that you have ice cream. I'll have a very small bowl.'

'Can I try some fruit salad?' Legolas asked hopefully.

The others made their orders, except for the hobbits – they came last.

'And…you?' the waiter asked them hopefully – so far his order was quite normal, and he wanted to keep it that way.

'D'you have cake?' Pippin questioned.

'Yes,' the waiter responded.

'I'll take three – no, make that four. I'd also like a bowl of fruit salad, some rolls, pastries, and…um…ice cream. Lots. I'm very hungry still.'

'I'll order the same!' the other hobbits agreed, sending the waiter off with waves of their hands.

'Hobbits,' Amanda sighed.

When the food came back, it had to be once again dragged in on carts. The hobbits ate their food quickly, as if they hadn't eaten any main meals.

'Legolas!' Pippin screeched, very cheerful after consuming a cake (Amanda was hoping that since it wasn't chocolate cake that it wouldn't make him too hyper.)

'Y-yes?' Legolas stammered as he picked at his salad.

'Are you going to eat your fruit-salad-goodness?!' Pippin screamed.

'N-no…'

'KAY!' Pippin bellowed before grabbing the bowl from the elf and downing it.

'Keep it classy, Pip,' Heather groaned. Just then, she noticed Merry staring wistfully at her ice cream. 'You can have it!'

Merry grabbed it greedily and slurped it down.

'I feel sick,' Legolas said, staring at the content hobbit.

The hobbits ordered more and more desserts, until eventually the waiter reappeared with no food in hand again.

'You've eaten…everything,' he explained, looking rather peeved.

'No more fruit salad?' Pippin asked.

'No.'

'No more ice cream?' Merry questioned.

'No!'

'Not even any cake?' Sam queried (he himself had already eaten five.)

'NO MORE BLOODY CAKE!' the man yelled before stomping out of the room, throwing a piece of paper onto the floor. He could be heard down the hall, shouting things about how the place was going to go out of business, how he was in trouble, etc, etc.

'That's my new catchphrase; _NO MORE BLOODY CAKE!_' Heather decided. 'What's the paper?'

Amanda got up, stretched, and retrieved the paper. 'The bill…'

'How much is it?' Heather asked with a laugh.

'Five thousand two hundred forty-seven dollars…and twenty-eight cents.'

'Oh my god,' Heather said slowly. Then she burst into a fit of laughter, and Pippin, being more hyper than the rest of the hobbits, joined in enthusiastically.

'Even if we had all of the money from the game show, we couldn't afford this!' Amanda realised. 'This isn't good.'

Suddenly the waiter stalked back in, followed by a jolly looking man with a clipboard and great girth – he was the manager of the restaurant.

'So, you must be the big eaters tonight, huh?' he said, and then started to laugh. Pippin joined in with his own cackles that outlasted the man's, spanning over a few awkward minutes. Finally Merry stuffed a napkin into Pippin's mouth to shut him up. 'Erm…easily amused, huh? Hah hah…yeah. So, you have the bill, right?'

'Yeah, about that…' Heather started. She took in a long breath. 'You see…we had the money to pay for it…but then that waiter robbed us!'

She pointed to their waiter.

'So, yeah. Can we go now?' Heather said with a hopeful grin.

'I didn't steal from them!' the waiter cried aloud.

'Yes you did,' Heather said.

'No!'

'Yep.'

'NO!'

'Yeeep.'

'No-no-no-NO!'

'Don't bother arguing with her about this sort of thing; she could defy someone forever,' Amanda explained.

'No I couldn't,' Heather exclaimed defiantly.

'Now, there must be some misunderstanding here,' the man said, waving his hands around to calm them down. 'Just…just pay us and you can go. If you can't produce the money…well…'

He then held up a cell phone.

'Then the police will have to get involved.'

'What now?' Amanda hissed at Heather.

'I know what to do; don't worry, I can handle this,' Heather assured her. She cleared her throat. 'You don't know who we are.'

This sort of creepy comment wasn't expected. The waiter and the man gave each other concerned looks.

'Who are you?' the man asked.

'MURDERERS!' Heather shouted. She then jumped up, holding her steak knife in one hand, and using the other to hit Gimli in the face. Gimli jumped up in anger, displaying his axe on his belt. Aragorn leapt to his feet to chide Heather, yet then he noticed her plan and also noticed that the waiter and the man could see his sword. Pippin thought that everyone was _trying _to show off their weapons, so he took a knife from the table and threw it at the light. Boromir sat back and laughed a bit, and Legolas hid under the table, which was a pretty smart idea – the light bulb that Pippin had hit came crashing down where he had been seated.

'I'M CALLING THE POLICE!' the man shouted as the waiter gave a most unmanly scream. They both bolted away, Heather pursuing them holding her knife and yelling at the top of her lungs. She soon returned, shut the door, and pushed a chair under the handle.

'_Heather!_' Amanda scolded as soon as Heather turned around.

'I said I'd handle it!' Heather said defensively. 'It's not like I actually killed anyone.'

'We can get arrested for things like this!'

'So you get angry at me for threatening someone with a knife; not actually killing them, just threatening; but you're fine when I tied up Pippin in a closet with wrappers and duct tape?'

'I helped!' Gimli added proudly.

'He needed to be secured!' Amanda said defensively. 'You didn't need to threaten people with a knife!'

'What was I supposed to do? Was I supposed to say "Well, we don't have enough money for this, so sucks to be you"? Either way, we'd still be threatened with the police. At least we can crawl through a window now!' Heather shouted.

'There aren't any windows in this room!' Amanda yelled back.

'Oh…' Heather said, looking around. 'Well then…there goes that plan, heh heh…wow. No windows? That's terrible for ventilation. Anyways, time for Plan B!'

'Does Plan B involve threatening people with knives?'

'No, threatening people with holding someone hostage. For example; Pippin!'

'_NO!_'

There was a large argument on what they should do. Eventually, their door began to rattle.

'THIS IS THE POLICE; OPEN UP!' came a voice from behind it.

'NOBODY'S HERE!' Heather shouted.

'I'm here!' Pippin exclaimed.

Then suddenly the door buckled and fell forward; a man had knocked it down. It was a police officer, and he was holding up a gun at the "murderers". Others were behind him. 'Hands in the air!'

'Why?' Pippin asked dumbly.

'Do as he says,' Amanda hissed at the hobbit, 'he has a gun.'

'I won't listen to him,' Legolas decided proudly.

'He also has pepper spray,' Heather told the elf. Legolas quickly put his arms above his head.

'That means you!' the man shouted at Gollum, the latter sitting still on the floor with a bucket on his head.

'Whyses?' Gollum complained. 'We don't wants to, precious.'

'Hands in the air!' the man repeated.

'Or what, precious? He will hurts us? Nasty, fat man! He will hurts us, yes! We fights back,_ gollum_,' Gollum said, and then sprang at the man, baring his teeth. The man fired the gun, but missed badly and put a hole through a wall. Gollum landed on his head and started to tear out his hair.

'GOLLUM, NO!' Amanda commanded as Gollum tried to bite off the man's ear. Then the world went dark. 'Bad Gollum!'

'Well, that plan sort of backfired,' Heather sighed, collapsing onto the ground.

'"Sort of"?!' Amanda repeated. 'Gollum was nearly shot, and we've probably put a restaurant out of business.'

'We haves his hair!' Gollum exclaimed, tossing the tufts of the man's hair into the air. It fell like deranged confetti, covering the nearby Fellowship members.

'Good for you, Gollum,' Heather said, and then fell asleep.

…**Goes to the Beach!**

**(suggested by The NCISElf)**

'I'm bored,' Pippin sighed.

'Find something to do,' Amanda replied, trying to fall asleep.

'Legolas, can I braid your hair?' Pippin asked the elf.

'Can you even braid hair?' Legolas questioned back.

'No…'

'Then I'll have to decline your offer.'

'How am I supposed to learn if you won't let me try?' Pippin huffed, crossing his arms.

'Why not try it out on Heather?' Gimli suggested.

'Okay!' Pippin cried out cheerfully. He went over to Heather, the latter being in a very deep sleep. He then attempted to braid her hair, but ended up knotting it in fifteen different places. 'I can't exactly see what I'm doing, so I don't know if I'm doing it right.'

'I'm sure it's lovely,' Legolas assured the hobbit.

'Can I try braiding your hair now?'

'No.'

'Figures,' Pippin sighed, falling to the floor. 'Hey, Sam, want to hear a joke?'

'Sure, Pip,' Sam said with a yawn.

'So there's this thing that lurks in the darkness and eats fat hobbits when they sleep,' Pippin began, but then fell silent.

'And…?' asked Sam, slightly disturbed.

'I forget,' Pippin said, also yawning. He then curled up and fell asleep, leaving Sam wide-eyed and awake in the darkness.

'I didn't like that joke,' Sam said after a long time of silence.

Then the world became viciously bright. The group huddled, covering their eyes.

'Why aren't you complaining, Heather?' Amanda asked, peeking out from under her hands; Heather was asleep, her hair in twisted knots. 'Holy crap, Pip, you mangled her hair.'

Pippin woke up to the brightness and groaned. Then he saw Heather's hair and turned pale. 'She's going to kill me.'

'Get up, sleepyhead!' Amanda called to Heather. Heather started and then covered her eyes.

'Augh,' Heather moaned. 'My eyessss!'

'We're on a beach,' Amanda then realised, staring at the sand and at the nearby water. 'Can anyone swim?'

Very few could.

'Well this is a pointless excursion,' Heather said with a grimace. 'I have sand in my mouth already. Blargh.'

A group of people then passed the company by, giving them strange looks. One even went as far as to make a rude comment.

'What's with them? Have they never seen a group of hobbits, humans, an elf, and a dwarf before?' Heather asked unhappily.

'Maybe they just saw your hairstyle,' Legolas said with a smirk. Heather slapped one of her hands onto her head.

'HOLY SHIT, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY HAIR?!' Heather roared, jumping to her feet.

'Erm, well, you see, I sort of…' Pippin began, and then trailed off.

'_I'm going to kill you!_' Heather screamed as she lunged at the hobbit. Pippin squeaked and bolted, being followed closely by Heather. They ran all over the beach, and Heather, in her rage, ended up squashing some kid's sandcastle and making them cry.

'She's a danger to society sometimes,' Amanda sighed as Heather sprayed sand into someone's picnic basket. Then she jumped. 'Where's Gollum?'

Gollum was snooping around the beach. He wasn't very hungry; if he had been, he would have strangled a seagull by now. He was just looking around for fun. He stole a pinwheel and decided that he liked it very much, precious. But suddenly the wind picked up and blew it from his hand. It made a colourful descent and landed into the water.

'Stupid winds!' Gollum howled. Then, without much thought, he ran after it and into the water.

Gollum wasn't very good at swimming. Even the pool that surrounded his island long ago was dangerous to him, and it was motionless water. This was the ocean that he was foolishly diving into. Once a wave washed over him, he couldn't resurface.

'He's drowning!' someone who had seen Gollum dive in yelled. A nearby lifeguard rushed towards the poor creature and tried to retrieve him. She finally managed to get hold of Gollum; consequently, Gollum's teeth got hold of her arm. She gave a yelp and literally threw Gollum onto shore before wading after him.

'You bit me!' she shrieked at Gollum. He groaned and got up, completely coated in sand. 'You made me bleed!'

'Nasty, fat girl, we hates her, precious, yes, precious, hates!' Gollum declared. 'She makes us loose our pretty spinning wheel of colours, precious! We eats her? No, we is too full, precious. We bites her? We already has, precious! We lets her go? No, precious, she needs to payses! We twists her neck, precious? P'hraps, p'hraps…yes, precious, p'hraps!'

Gollum then stared intently at the lifeguard, a strange light flickering in his eyes.

'You're a creep!' she said, kicking dirt at Gollum. She then stalked away.

'We kills her now? Yes, my precious!' Gollum decided, but just then Amanda ran up to him.

'Gollum, don't run off!' she scolded. 'W-why are you covered in water and sand…and blood?'

'Stupid fat girl tried to drown us, precious! We was nearly drownded, _gollum_!' Gollum said in mock-innocence.

'Right…' Amanda said, nodding her head slowly. 'Want some ice cream?'

'Ice cream?' Gollum questioned doubtfully.

'You eat it. I know that we're all pretty full, but it will help keep you cool,' Amanda explained. She then led Gollum to an ice cream shack.

The little hut was very brightly coloured, and there was a mural that ran along the back wall of it. In bright colours there was the ocean painted a bright blue. There was a beach that ran along it, full of smiling families with bright red towels. Several sandcastles were painted, and the largest one of them all had a very large pinwheel on top of it.

Gollum was fixated on this as Amanda ordered ice cream, using some of the leftover game show winnings to pay for it. As she led him away, he devised a plan.

'Have you two made up yet?' she asked as she neared Pippin and Heather, as well as the others.

'After he finishes his ice cream I get to bury him in sand as payback,' Heather replied. 'What flavours did you get?'

'I got only ice cream sandwiches,' Amanda said. Heather groaned loudly. 'They're in boxes; they're easy to carry!'

'Ice cream sandwiches are my bane,' Heather stated. 'I don't want one.'

'Picky, aren't we?' Amanda sighed. 'You could just go get yourself another type of ice cream.'

'That's too much work. I'm preserving my energy for burying Pippin alive,' Heather said.

'Am I going to die?' Pippin asked as he was handed his ice cream.

'There's a great likelihood,' Heather said with a shrug.

After Pippin had finished his ice cream, he went off with Heather to find a good bit of flat sand to bury him in. The rest of the hobbits went looking for shells with Boromir, Legolas, Aragorn, and Gimli. Amanda stayed behind to sleep on the sand and tan at the same time. Gollum was curled up as well, but as soon as Amanda was truly asleep, he snuck back to the ice cream area.

He wanted the pinwheel on the back wall, even though it was painted. Something about the bright colours had him fixated, and somewhere in the back of his mind he wondered if he had had one in the past.

While the person in the booth wasn't looking, Gollum snuck into the shack. He clambered onto a counter behind the person and was ready to start biting through the thin wood of the back of the shack in order to get the pinwheel, when suddenly he slipped. He fell straight into a cooler of ice. As he reached upwards to get a handhold so he could pull himself up, the lid abruptly snapped shut above him. He was locked in a cooler.

Meanwhile, the hobbits were having a fun time getting shells. Pippin was buried up to his head in sand and was left out in the open, with the words "Dangerous Hobbit" dug into the sand below his face. At first Merry would run up and show his friend the shells he had found, but eventually he found it too tedious and Pippin was left alone. He tried to get out of the sand, but it was too heavy.

Suddenly Aragorn pointed to the sky. 'There's a storm coming!'

They then realised that nobody else but themselves were on the beach. Lightning flickered above them as huge black clouds roiled and split. It was apparent that a bad storm was brewing.

'Maybe we should hide…?' Frodo suggested. They all ran off to Amanda, leaving behind poor Pippin, still stuck in the sand.

'Amanda, there's a storm coming!' Sam called out. Amanda woke up quickly.

'Where's Heather?' Amanda asked after she had gotten a good look at the sky.

'Here!' Heather said, stumbling forwards. 'I was looking for Gollum. Have you seen him?'

Nobody had.

'We _always _loose him,' Amanda groaned. 'Legolas, take the hobbits and find a dry place to hide under. The rest of us will try to find Gollum.'

As Legolas led the hobbits away, the group divided and looked about for Gollum along the beach.

Gollum was actually not in a bad place. He had finally found a way out of the cooler, just to find that he had been loaded into the back of a truck. He clambered out of the cold entrapment and found a warm place to hide. Of course, the people looking for him would never find him there, and they eventually gave up when it started to hail.

'Ouch, ouch, _ouch_!' Amanda squeaked as hail balls the size of golf balls fell onto her head. She hurried under a roof of an outdoor building where Legolas and the hobbits were hiding. She was soon joined by Boromir, Aragorn, Gimli, and Heather.

'Did you find Gollum?' Legolas asked.

'Nope,' Heather responded. The hail came down harder, and it was mixed with harsh rain. 'Wow, this storm came up quick. Imagine being out in it?'

Then a look of horror came onto her face.

'_Holy shit_!' she squealed. '_Pippin_!'

She then rushed out into the hail and was blinded by the rain, in a desperate search for the hobbit. When she finally found him, he was nearly drowned, and was not very pleased. She yanked him from the sandpit and led him back to under the roof.

'I hate you,' Pippin groaned as he collapsed on a dry patch of pavement. 'My head is in so much pain.'

'It's actually bleeding…' Amanda said slowly.

'Pippin, I'm so sorry!' Heather said, a mix of laughter and pain spread across her face. 'That would've been a terrible way to die!'

'I have sand in my ears,' Pippin moaned. 'And in my eyes.'

Lightning danced overhead, and the storm intensified.

'We're still missing Gollum,' Amanda sighed. The wind picked up and sprayed sand everywhere, making the words catch in her mouth.

Then, suddenly, lightning struck a nearby umbrella that was poking up from the sand. Legolas gave a pretty un-manly shriek as thunder _boomed _loudly. Then the lights went out.

'Seriously, Leggy?' Heather giggled as she laid down on the floor of the dark room.

'I don't like lightning!' Legolas said defensively.

'We is here, precious?' a cold voice sounded out from the darkness.

'Oh, Gollum, glad you're here. Where were you?' Heather asked with a yawn.

'We don'ts know! We fell into a container and the lights went out, yes precious, and it was cold! Cold! But then we opens the door and we were in _another _container!'

'Story of my life,' Heather said. 'Now let me sleep. And, Pippin, if you even so much as _touch _my hair, I will rip off your legs and force-feed them to you. Goodnight.'

…**Goes to a Library!**

**(suggested by Gamerforever and Pip the Invader – methinks you both suggested that they **_**work **_**at a library, but I sort of forgot and started to write it like they were **_**going **_**to a library, so I just went with it – sorry xD)**

'Legolaaaas?' Pippin called out in the gloom.

'What?' the elf responded in a tired tone.

'Can you teach me to braid haaaaair?'

'Not right now, Pip. I'm trying to sleep.'

'Oh! Sorry!'

There was silence for five minutes.

'Legolaaaas?'

'_What?_'

'Oh, sorry, I forgot! You can go back to sleep.'

There was silence for ten minutes.

'LEGOLAAAAS!'

'WHAT?'

'Oh good, you're awake,' Pippin giggled. 'Can you teach me to braid hair now that you're all rested?'

Legolas had a groggy vision of shooting Pippin in the face with an arrow so the hobbit would shut up. He grimly smiled to himself, and settled with insulting the hobbit in Elvish. 'Llie n'vanima ar' lle atara lanneina.'

'What?'

'Dolle naa lost; antolle ulua sulrim.'

'I'm pretty sure Legolas is dissing you right now,' Heather said to Pippin with a yawn – she had just woken up.

'I'm confused,' Pippin sighed. Then the world became bright.

'GAAAAAHrgshhhhhnnnnnnaaaaaa,' Heather screeched wisely, covering her face.

'Shhhh!' a harsh voice hushed her.

'Amanda, don't "shhhh" me, I'M IN PAIN!'

'_Shhh!_'

'What the shit is wrong with -,' Heather began, looking up. Her words caught in her throat when she realised that it wasn't Amanda hushing her, but a lady with intimidating eyes behind very thick glasses. 'Did I say shit? I meant ship. Yeah, what the ship?'

'Shhh!' the lady hissed.

'WHY IS EVERYONE SO QUIET?' Pippin suddenly asked loudly.

'Because…' Heather began, looking around. There were stacks and shelves of books everywhere. 'Because we're in a library. Shh!'

'Oh,' Pippin said shortly.

'Be quiet!' the woman instructed them before walking away, leaving them in a heap on the ground.

'I like books,' Frodo commented after she had left. 'Can I find one to read?'

'Sure – let's _all _find books. If you don't want to read, find a picture book or something. We all have to be _quiet_,' Amanda instructed them.

'Why?' Pippin asked sulkily.

'Because that's what you do in a library,' Amanda told him.

Ten minutes later, people were set up with their books. Legolas had one about archery, Boromir had one that he wouldn't let people see the title of (_How to Become a King_), Gimli had one about medieval times (though he really was only looking at the pictures of the axes and muttering about how his were better crafted), Aragorn had one on how to tie knots, Frodo had an entire stack of books, Pippin had one about the negative effects of sugar and caffeine (given to him by Amanda), Sam had one on potatoes, Merry had one on mushrooms, Heather had _To Kill a Mockingbird _(before she had departed on this strange transporting adventure, she had been assigned _To Kill a Mockingbird _in English class to read, and she had decided that she had better get caught up on her reading), Amanda was reading _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland _(feeling like she was almost in the same boat as Alice herself), and Gollum was looking at picture books (mostly books with pictures of fish). They had found a nice area with plenty of seating, and for a few minutes they were in silence.

It didn't last long.

'That is a fishses,' Gollum muttered to himself, staring at a page in his book. 'We likes this painting, yes, precious, what a lovely picture! We wants it.'

And with that, he tore the page out of his book and stuffed it under his arm.

'_Gollum_!' Amanda cried out, forgetting to be quiet. Gollum ignored her and ripped out a few more pages, before closing the book with a snap.

'We are done all of our bookses, precious,' Gollum announced. 'We shall go and finds us more!'

With that, he bolted off of his seat and disappeared behind a row of books.

'Gollum,' Amanda said angrily, 'get back here!'

She got up from her chair and swiftly went over to where Gollum had disappeared. She gave a sigh and continued walking.

'This book is boring,' Pippin told Heather. 'It's basically saying that I will die a horribly painful death if I keep on eating sugary food. It's full of lies. Can I find something with more of a plot?'

'Um,' Heather said. 'Okay…? Don't go too far. Maybe I should go with you…'

'Oh, I can go with him!' Sam suggested. 'I know everything in this here book, you see. Not that I'm an expert on potatoes – I just know a bit more than most, you could say.'

'This book is terrible,' Merry groaned. 'I don't want to know how mushrooms grow and in what climates. If I want to find some, I go looking! Can I go with you two?'

'Okay, you guys can go,' Heather relented – she knew that she probably should go with them, but she had a book to read. 'You have two minutes. If you don't get back by then, there will be hell to pay.'

'Okay!' the three hobbits agreed as they hurried off.

'And remember to be quiet!' Heather told them as an afterthought. She then went back to her book.

Suddenly Gimli gave a cry of utter delight. He raised his book in the air and started to laugh.

'What is it, Gimli?' Heather asked in a hushed tone.

'This book is marvelous! It has just stated that axes are far better weapons than bows and arrows,' Gimli explained, displaying a page proudly to Legolas. The elf read the sentence that Gimli had mentioned and snorted.

'This book,' Legolas said, holding up his archery book, 'says that a bow is a difficult weapon, yet is the best.'

'It's a difficult weapon, yes; difficult to do damage with, it means!' Gimli declared.

'Say we're standing on a tower; both of us are trying to kill an orc below us. Say you toss your weapon down and you miss the orc -,'

'Unlikely,' said Gimli.

'Say you miss the orc,' Legolas continued, 'you would have no more weapons left to drop. But if I fire an arrow down at the orc and miss (which is extremely unlikely and would never happen), I still have a quiver full of arrows left to use.'

'That's why you always carry a few axes,' Gimli said.

'What if you only had one?'

'What if you only had one arrow?'

'I could toss the bow down and try to knock out the orc.'

'I could just toss you down and try to knock out the orc,' Gimli said. Heather suddenly had the mental image of Legolas being thrown from a tower and going _splat _on an orc below. She stuck out her tongue.

'Guys, can you quiet down? I'm trying to read,' she grumbled.

'You decide; what's better, an axe or a bow?' Legolas suddenly asked her.

'Sword,' Heather decided grumpily. Nearby, Aragorn and Boromir nodded in agreement. 'Now shut up.'

Suddenly Merry ran up, out of breath and very distressed-looking.

'Pippin's stuck on a bookshelf!'

'_On_?' Heather repeated dimly.

'Yes!'

'Why is he _on _a bookshelf?'

'Hurry, he's about to do something stupid!'

'Somehow I don't doubt you,' Heather sighed. She put down her book and turned to Gimli and Legolas. 'No fighting. No being loud. Read your books and don't move. Frodo, Aragorn and Boromir – keep an eye on them.'

She then ran off to go save Pippin. When she arrived, Pippin was laughing on top of a very tall bookcase. He was getting ready to jump onto a nearby light fixture.

'Pippin, what are you doing?!' Heather screamed.

'I found a book that I really, really, _really _wanted to read,' Pippin said, 'so I took it. But I was throwing it around and it landed on this hanging-ceiling-thing. I want to read the book!'

'What book is it?' Heather asked, feeling a bit curious.

'_Knitting With Dog Hair_!'

Heather didn't rightly know how to respond to this.

Suddenly, the librarian reappeared. 'Stop yelling!'

She then noticed Pippin on top of the bookshelf.

'Good grief!' she squawked. 'Get down!'

'But I want to know how to knit with dog hair!' Pippin responded defiantly. 'And the answer is on this lamp-thing!'

'What?' the librarian asked. 'I…I don't understand!'

'Get used to it,' Heather mumbled.

Meanwhile, Amanda was still looking for Gollum. She could hear his hissing and muttering and the occasional tearing of papers. Eventually she caught sight of him – he was chewing on a book. Plenty of papers were stuffed under one of his arms, and he looked content.

'Gollum!' Amanda said. 'You shouldn't be eating that book!'

'We're not eating it,' Gollum explained, 'we're chewing it. Stupid girl!'

'Gollum, you'll wreck it!'

'We don't care, precious, do we? No, precious, we don'ts!'

With that he ran away, pursued quickly by Amanda. Yet Gollum was tricky, and he climbed onto a bookshelf. It was wobbly, though, and before he knew what was happening, it tipped over. It hit another bookshelf, which in turn fell onto another; it was a domino effect. Books flew everywhere, and Gollum was buried underneath a pile of them. He screeched loudly.

Back at the lounge area, Frodo had finished a book and was about to start on another. Then he started stared at one of the books.

'_The Fellowship of the Ring_?' he said. 'That's us!'

In awe, he showed the book to the others.

'And there's _The Two Towers_; it looks like this one. And _The Return of the King_. They're all by the same author.'

'Read one!' the others suggested. Frodo picked one at random (_The Two Towers_) and started to read out loud, yet then he fell silent. He skimmed through the text and then looked up, horrified.

'Boromir!' he squeaked. 'You…you _die _in this book!'

'What?' Boromir asked. 'I…I _die_?!'

'Yes!' Frodo said, looking very alarmed. 'And…and Aragorn is there too! He doesn't die, though. But…Boromir!'

'Maybe Boromir and Aragorn are common names in this world…?' Aragorn proposed.

'And…and Aragorn becomes king, apparently,' Gimli said, reading _The Return of the King_.

'_What_?' Boromir asked, much more startled than when he was pronounced dead.

'Tom Bombadil?' Legolas said, looking at _The Fellowship of the Ring_.

'I know him!' Frodo exclaimed. 'He's in that book?'

'The Ring is destroyed!' Gimli announced from his book. 'And…and Legolas and I become great friends, apparently.'

'_Great friends_? That's extremely unlikely,' Legolas commented.

'The Ring is destroyed, Aragorn becomes king, and I die?' Boromir repeated faintly.

'Yep. And, Frodo, apparently you leave Middle-earth,' Gimli told the hobbit.

'I leave Middle-earth? On purpose?' Frodo asked. Gimli shook his head "yes". 'I would never!'

'I do not like these books,' Boromir decided.

Meanwhile, Pippin had clambered onto the light fixture. He was now swinging dangerously above the ground.

'Get down!' the librarian commanded.

'I have my book now!' Pippin shouted triumphantly.

'_Get down_!'

'Now all I need is some dog hair and knitting needles…'

'Pippin, you can't even knit!' Merry reminded him.

'Irrelevant!'

'Pippin, if you fall you could die!' Merry bellowed.

'Fine, I'll get down. Somebody catch my book!' Pippin said. He dropped the book, and Merry caught it by a page. There was a tearing noise, and the librarian cringed. Pippin then climbed onto the bookshelf again.

Yet suddenly there was a sound, as if large dominoes were falling. Then Amanda's shrill voice could be heard; 'EVERYONE, WATCH OUT!'

The group had just enough time to run out of the way of the bookshelves. A shelf hit the bookshelf that Pippin was on, and it shuddered. Pippin giggled on top of it as it crashed into the next one. Books flew everywhere as the next bookshelf came crashing down. Amanda appeared panting next to them, followed slowly by Gollum (he had finally managed to get himself out of his entrapment, but he had lost the pages that he had gathered and was a bit gloomy.)

'What did you do?' Heather asked lightly as another bookshelf came crashing down, spraying books everywhere.

'Gollum did this,' Amanda groaned. Nearby, the librarian sat down to prevent herself from fainting.

'I'm down now!' Pippin declared. He stepped off of his place on the shelf and walked across the books and torn papers that littered the ground. 'We can go now.'

And that's what they did. Leaving the librarian, they went back to the lounge area. They discovered some very shocked people.

'Boromir dies!'

'Aragorn becomes king!'

'The Ring…it gets destroyed!'

'Frodo leaves Middle-earth!'

'Sam gets married!'

'You were right – Gandalf didn't die!'

'Ents are actually real!'

'What?' Amanda and Heather asked at the same time.

'These books are about us!' Frodo said. He held up the _Lord of the Rings_ series.

'Those books are…' Amanda said, trailing off.

'…are fake! They were written by a…squirrel. Um. Don't listen to them. Boromir doesn't die. Don't worry,' Heather said quickly. 'Leave them. They're…they're garbage…'

Heather felt extremely bad saying that they were "garbage", but she had to say _something_.

'_By a squirrel_?' Frodo repeated skeptically.

'Yes. Leave them,' Heather said again. Frodo reluctantly dropped the books, and the world became dark.

'I wish I had a light. I want to know how to knit dog hair!' Pippin sighed at length.

'Do you still have the book?' Amanda asked.

'Yep.'

'Frodo, do you have the…_garbage _books?'

'No,' Frodo sighed unhappily.

'Good!' Amanda and Heather both exclaimed. Heather then collapsed onto the ground, feeling like she and Amanda had just _barely _dodged a bullet.

…**Goes to a Concert!**

**(suggested by Kayla Swift and lokisdaughter)**

'Legolaaaaaaaaas!'

'What is it, Pippin?!'

'If I knitted you a dog hair sweater, would you wear it?'

Legolas made a defeated noise in the back of his throat.

'No, I wouldn't wear it. It would be bad for my reputation.'

'Legolas, seriously? If you ever get back to Middle-earth, you'll have no reputations. Look at your hair, for example,' Heather cut in, 'you're hideous.'

Legolas had an insult in mind, but suddenly he stopped and thought for a minute. _If you ever get back to Middle-earth _caught him off-guard. He wondered about what would occur if The Fellowship ever got back on their _actual_ quest. 'Did it say what happened to me in those books that you had, Frodo?'

'Those books were garbage!' Amanda said quickly. 'Don't think of them again.'

'We forbid you,' Heather added. 'If you talk about them, you have to kiss Gollum.'

Several people across the room gagged.

'We is offended!' Gollum screeched.

'Nobody cares, mutant-hobbit-without-grammar,' Heather sighed. Then the world became bright-ish. 'AAAaaa…this isn't bad.'

'Good to know, Heather,' Amanda said. 'Where are we?'

Suddenly, there was a hushing noise.

'Be quiet!' a person dressed all in black hissed, walking up to the seated Fellowship. 'Your voices can be picked up by the microphones!'

'First a library, now -,' Heather began to complain, '-, now backstage…_somewhere_, it seems. I don't like being quiet.'

Amanda cautiously got up and peered out from behind a curtain. She quickly drew her head back in. '_Guess who's on stage?_'

'The Beatles?' Heather asked hopefully.

'Aren't some of the members dead?' Amanda questioned back.

'Maybe the black-box-thing can go back in time. Anyways, who's on stage?' Heather asked.

'Taylor Swift!' Amanda squealed. Heather groaned.

'Are you kidding me? She's annoying,' Heather moaned.

'She is not! She's one of my favourite singers,' Amanda protested.

'I'M SPEAKING LOUDLY!' Heather suddenly yelled. The person who had told them off reappeared. 'Great, now that you're back, can you go get me some earplugs?'

'_Heather!_'

'Be quiet! You're lucky to be backstage,' the person spoke angrily to them before walking away again, shaking their head.

'Why can't we be at a good concert?' Heather whined.

'Because your definition of a "good concert" is terrible!' Amanda huffed.

'Did you just say that The Beatles are terrible?' Heather asked slowly in an angered tone.

'Their songs make no sense,' Amanda said.

'MAKE NO SENSE?!' Heather roared. '_MAKE NO SENSE?! _HAVE YOU LISTENED TO ANY OF TAYLOR SWIFT'S SONGS RECENTLY?!'

'_Shut up!_' the person returned, this time holding a broom. They looked about ready to hit Heather with it.

'You! You!' Heather exclaimed quickly. 'You decide which is better; Taylor Swift or The Beatles?'

'Taylor Swift; I don't like bugs,' the person said. 'Now shut up.'

They walked away. Heather fell very silent. Eventually she let her breath out and slowly started to rock, muttering things to herself quietly.

Eventually the music on stage stopped and there was much cheering. The barely audible words of "Have a good night!" could be heard, and from behind the curtain appeared a line of people dressed in strange costume, followed by Taylor Swift.

'Hey guys!' Taylor said cheerfully after the dancers had left.

'Hey bane-of-my-existence!' Heather replied in fake-joyfulness. Amanda kicked her.

'I'm a huge fan!' Amanda said as Heather made faces at the singer.

'Isn't it exciting that you won the contest?' Taylor asked.

'No,' Heather replied shortly.

'What contest?' Amanda asked quickly.

'Well, you're the contest winners, right? That's why you're backstage…right?' Taylor asked.

'No, we're here because the freakin' black box either has shit-taste in music or likes to torture me,' Heather snapped. Then she said in a mocking tone: 'You understand, right?'

'IGNORE HER; she's…she's…she's…' Amanda stuttered at a loss for words.

'…amazing and has good taste in music,' Heather finished for her friend.

'Right…' Taylor said, her smile fading. 'Erm…you want to go onstage, right? To see the set and things before we go?'

'Do we have to?' Heather whined. Amanda elbowed her as they all got up.

'You're embarrassing me!' she hissed.

'Oh, I'm _embarrassing _you?' Heather whispered. She then raised her voice. 'Hey, Taylor, my friend here, named Amanda, has a shrine of you in her closet!'

'What? NO!'

'Yeah, she purchased a Kleenex off of eBay that was said to be used by you.'

'Heather, you're a -,'

'Then she printed pictures of you off of the internet and surrounded the Kleenex with them in a shoebox. And every night she opens the closet door and stares wistfully at your plentiful faces, muttering to herself -,'

'HEATHER!'

'-, muttering "I wish that I just…just had one strand of those flowing locks! If only I could -,"'

Amanda slapped her hand over Heather's mouth. 'SHE'S CRAZY! SHE'S INSANE! SHE LIKES MUSIC SUNG BY DEAD PEOPLE! DON'T LISTEN TO HER!'

'Such…such an imagination…?' Taylor said slowly. 'Right. Here's the stage. There are still some fans out!'

She pointed to the seats in front of the stage. Some happy fans waved at Taylor. One screamed something about being Taylor's "number one fan".

'YOU'RE NOT AS MUCH OF A FAN AS AMANDA IS!' Heather yelled, tugging herself from Amanda's grasp. The hand slipped back over her mouth. Heather giggled evilly to herself.

'Right. So, d'you like the set?' Taylor asked.

'What's a set?' Pippin asked.

'Like, a chess set?' Merry guessed.

'I can play chess!'

'Pippin, the last time you played chess you ended up getting drunk and eating my king…'

'I won the game, didn't I?'

'Alright! Let's go to the VIP room!' Taylor said quickly. 'Then we can talk…more.'

She didn't seem too excited by this.

Amanda lifted her hand slowly off of Heather's face. 'Why are you being so…so…?'

'You insulted The Beatles,' Heather said, understanding. 'You must pay.'

She then joined the rest of The Fellowship as they followed Taylor. Amanda prayed that she wouldn't do anything else that was stupid.

Alas for Amanda.

'Hey, Aragorn,' Heather said to Aragorn as they walked along. 'Taylor Swift is dangerous. She'll kill Frodo and take the Ring when you're not looking.'

'What?' Aragorn asked. 'She seems so…fragile. She wouldn't steal the Ring!'

'There's only one way to tell. Threaten her, and see if she turns evil,' Heather suggested.

'Are you just telling me this because you're angry at Amanda?'

'What? No! No, of course not!' Heather assured him. 'I'm just…trying to make sure that the Ring is safe. Nothing has really happened to it since it came to this world, and I'd like to keep it that way.'

'Alright…' Aragorn said slowly. 'I'll say a few intimidating words, at least. But I won't threaten her with weapons.'

'Good man,' Heather said, clapping him on the back. 'You'll make a fine king one day.'

Nearby, Boromir frowned deeply at this comment.

When they got to the VIP room, they were let inside. There were plenty of brightly coloured couches and chairs, and soon The Fellowship members were seated comfortably, all except for Aragorn. He approached Taylor.

'Are…are you evil?' Aragorn asked her, at a loss for words. He really didn't have a clue on how to tell if she wanted the Ring or not without outright asking, and he didn't think that would be smart.

'…what?' Taylor said slowly.

'Don't deny it!' Heather called from her place on a chair. She then whispered to Legolas, 'She wants the Ring. Even Aragorn can tell. You should probably help him.'

So Legolas slowly walked up to Aragorn, who was continuously asking Taylor questions:

'Are you evil?'

'No, I…I don't think so, no…'

'Are you affiliated with Sauron?'

'What?'

'Have you had any conversations with people within Mordor?'

'I…I don't know where that is…this is getting creepy…'

Suddenly she pulled out a spray bottle and held it up. 'Get away, please. I'm warning you.'

'Aragorn, that's -,' Legolas said in a frightened tone.

'Not now, Legolas; obviously she's hiding something,' Aragorn said.

'Stop being weird, Aragorn!' Amanda pleaded. 'She's nice! Just sit back down, please.'

'No,' Aragorn said shortly. Beside him, Legolas ducked. Aragorn suddenly got a face full of pepper spray. 'AARFGH!'

'You just pepper sprayed Aragorn, son of Arathorn!' Legolas squawked as Aragorn rolled around on the ground in pain.

'You're all…weird!' Taylor said before stomping away. 'I'm getting security! This is the _last _time I hold a contest online!'

'_Aragorn!_' Amanda howled. 'You're a…a…no words describe how awful you are! Damn you! She's my favourite singer! _You've embarrassed me!_'

'That's what you get for insulting The Beatles,' Heather said. 'Deal with it.'

Then the world became dark.

'I did try to warn you, Aragorn,' Legolas said as Aragorn groaned loudly. Everyone settled onto the dark floor. 'It will stop burning eventually…'

'SHE WAS EVIL!' Aragorn shouted. 'HEATHER WAS RIGHT!'

'Aren't I always?' Heather asked proudly.

'No,' Pippin said. 'Oh…I can't find my book!'

'I will have my revenge, Heather,' Amanda assured her friend. 'If we get transported to a Beatles concert or something I will tell them that _you _have a shrine of them in your closet and _you _have their used tissues and _you _want their freakin' hair.'

'Right,' Heather said, 'I'm shaking in my boots.'

'I still can't believe you did that. Look what you caused! Aragorn is practically blind and Taylor's scarred…and I didn't get to even hold a conversation with my favourite singer.'

'Hey, I didn't kill her,' Heather said defensively.

'One day…one day I shall!' Aragorn yelled in the dark.

'Aragorn, she's actually nice. You are just…intimidating,' Amanda explained. 'She doesn't want the Ring or to kill us or anything that Heather told you.'

Aragorn didn't believe her.

…**Gets Transported to a Room Full of Fangirls!**

**(suggested by The NCISElf and Fireworks)**

…**Meets a Mary Sue Who is in Love with Pippin!**

**(suggested by The NCISElf)**

'I'm still pissed off at all of you,' Amanda said suddenly. It had been an hour or two since the Taylor Swift incident.

'What did I do?' Frodo asked.

'Scratch that; not all of you. Mainly Heather, Aragorn, and slightly at Legolas for not stopping Aragorn.'

'My eyes still hurt,' Aragorn complained.

'Now you know how I have felt,' Legolas replied coolly.

Heather didn't reply to Amanda's comment; she just smiled wickedly from her corner in the room and began to sing _Hey Jude_.

Then suddenly the world became vividly bright

_Hey Jude _was cut off with a howl as Heather tugged her shirt over her face. Aragorn shouted in pain as well, his eyes being more sensitive than usual because of the pepper spray. You couldn't hear the complaints, however, because at the same moment screams erupted across the new room. Heather eventually peaked out from behind her fabric. Surrounding the group were what appeared to be around one hundred teenage girls, held back by stanchions. Many of them were holding up signs with things like "TEAM BOROMIR" or "LEGOLAS FOREVER" on them.

'No,' Heather moaned, ducking her head back into her shirt. 'Fangirls annoy me.'

Beside her, Legolas asked, 'What's a fangirl?'

Heather looked up at the elf. Suddenly the thought of how many fangirls there were who obsessed over Legolas/Orlando Bloom. She burst into sadistic laughter and pulled her shirt back over her head.

'That's comforting,' Legolas muttered to himself. He looked over at the screaming girls, and a wave of declarations of love exploded. Then one girl pushed over a stanchion and broke into the circle. One second later and The Fellowship were swarmed with females.

Every member of The Fellowship had a fangirl; even Gimli had one or two. Heather and Amanda slowly made their ways out of the swarm and into the open. There they discovered that they were in a bright white room with huge bright lights and no doors.

'Well, this isn't good,' Amanda breathed out. 'Before I got out, I saw someone literally trying to _bite_ off a chunk of Aragorn's shirt.'

'There goes a bit of Legolas' hair,' Heather commented as a chunk of the blonde hair flew through the air. Screams arose, and one "lucky" fangirl snatched up her prize. 'Wait…ye gods and little fishes, does Gollum have a fangirl?'

'I think I saw one…' Amanda mumbled. 'Oh, poor Pippin, look!'

Pippin had broken out of the group of fangirls and was currently getting chased by a fangirl with bright blue hair.

'I…I only like hobbit-women!' Pippin shouted. 'S-sorry!'

'I want to have your children, Peregrin Took!' the girl screamed.

'What the shit?' questioned Heather. She then yelled very loudly, 'Your hair colour is ugly!'

'Heather!' Amanda said in a scolding tone. 'You're in a mean spirit today.'

'She was being creepy…and besides, I don't like fangirls,' Heather stated.

'Says the girl whose walls are covered in posters -,'

'That's different.'

'-, and who has Star Trek figurines covering her desk, dresser, and parts of her floor -,'

'Completely unrelated.'

'-, and for her tenth birthday she got her ceiling to have the TARDIS painted on it -,'

'I get your point,' Heathe huffed. 'But I don't go ripping out people's hair, eating their clothes, and wanting to have their children. And, hey, at least I don't have a Kleenex shrine in my closet.'

'I DON'T HAVE A KLEENEX SHRINE IN MY CLOSET!' Amanda shouted. A few nearby fangirls stared at her.

'I do!' one said before going back to her attempt to make out with Boromir.

'Good for you,' Heather commented in a grim tone before curling up on the sterile ground and trying to get some sleep over the screams.

Meanwhile, The Fellowship was still completely engulfed in fangirls.

Legolas' fangirls hadn't minded very much about his bangs and lack of hair on one side. In fact, they had ripped most of the rest of his hair, and he only had one small patch left. He couldn't really complain about his situation, however, since right next to him laid Aragorn, _completely_ covered in shrieking fangirls. One even had hold of his sword and was trying to stuff it down her shirt so she could keep it as a memento. Borormir was having the same difficulty with his shield, and was currently playing an unwanted game of tug of war with a fangirl. As he tried to get back his shield, there were many fangirls trying to get him to pay attention to him. He looked about ready to murder them all.

Gimli, out of the entire Fellowship, was the best off. He had two fangirls who weren't as eager as the rest, so he spent his time just telling them old war stories and songs. It had been awhile since people had found his stories interesting, so he kept on talking as the girls nodded their heads vigorously.

Gollum had knocked out his fangirl by "accident", and somehow had once again found himself on the ceiling.

'I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU!' Pippin screamed over his shoulder at the fangirl that was still chasing him.

'PIPPY-BOO!' she shrieked back. 'I LOOOVE YOUUU!'

'ARAGORN, SAVE ME!' Pippin shouted, diving into the pool of fangirls that surrounded the poor man.

'C-can't!' Aragorn's muffled voice could be heard underneath a mound of fangirls.

'BOROMIR!' Pippin yelled.

'They have my shield!' Boromir exclaimed.

'LEGOLAS!'

Legolas didn't answer; he had somehow been knocked out. He was surrounded by a swarm of concerned fangirls who were all bickering over what to do.

'Oh, look, Leggy-kins is unconscious,' Heather said from her place away from the fangirls.

'And Gollum is on the ceiling once again,' Amanda added.

Suddenly, one of the fangirls surrounding the elf clapped her hands as if she had an idea. She then screamed very loudly, 'CPR!'

'Oh shit,' Heather said as the fangirls all agreed to this idea and then started to fight over who got to perform the "medical" procedure.

'Maybe we should do something…?' Amanda suggested.

'Yeah, I'll be back,' Heather sighed discontentedly and got up. She stepped over a stanchion and into the circle of fangirls. They were so engrossed in pulling each other's hair and shouting things that she was able to casually drag the elf away by his foot.

'Psst!' Legolas suddenly said as Heather dragged him under a stanchion.

'Holy shit!' Heather cried out, jumping a bit. She knocked over the stanchion and the metal pole hit Legolas in the face. Legolas, being used to this sort of abuse from Heather, didn't react much. Heather kept on dragging him.

'I'm only pretending to be unconscious,' Legolas explained. 'I knew that it would help me get away.'

'Your hair is really ugly,' Heather said. Legolas touched his bare head and whimpered.

'Father will disown me,' he groaned as Heather finally arrived next to Amanda. She let the elf's leg smack down onto the ground before she sat down.

'Um, Pippin might need help too,' Amanda said slowly as she watched Pippin get tackled by his blue-haired fangirl.

'You go help him,' Heather snapped. 'I've already saved elf-boy.'

'Alright,' Amanda said with a nod. She got up and walked towards the big circle of fangirls. Stepping over the various fans, she made her way to Pippin. Not really knowing what to do, she tapped his fangirl on the shoulder. The fangirl looked up, holding a struggling Pippin in her arms.

'Um,' Amanda said at a loss for words. She decided to go the Heather route and confuse the girl. 'That hobbit is…defected.'

'What?' the blue-haired fangirl asked.

'He has rabies. And sometimes he gets sick and vomits up scarves,' Amanda added. 'He also doesn't like the colour blue, so your hair is going to make him angry. When he gets angry, he vomits up _yellow _scarves and sometimes mittens. And he also turns green. Like the Hulk. Only smaller. And more vomiting-up-knitted-stuff-y.'

The fangirl stared.

'And…and…' Amanda stuttered, 'and…and he only eats fruit salad prepared in Peru, so if you marry him it will be hard to feed him. And he doesn't like to wear clothes in public. It's a pain.'

'What?' the blue-haired fangirl repeated faintly. However, before Amanda could let out another string of lies, Gollum landed on the fangirl and knocked her out.

'I've never been happier to have a mutant hobbit fall on the person I was talking to,' Amanda said, letting out a breath of air.

'I vomit up scarves?' Pippin asked, struggling out from under the fangirl. 'I didn't know that. Also, _what _just happened?'

'You have just experienced your first ever fangirl…and she looks like a Sue,' Amanda commented, staring at the bright blue hair, the extremely large eyes, and so on.

'A Sue?' Pippin repeated. 'I never want to meet one again.'

The blue-haired fangirl stirred a bit.

'We should probably go,' Amanda said. 'Like, right now.'

'There are other girls looking for me too, though,' Pippin said in a shaky voice. 'I need a disguise.'

'Stupid fat girl, we hates her! She hurts us when we lands on her head, yes, precious!' Gollum wailed at the girl. He tugged at her hair and suddenly it popped off; she had been wearing a wig.

'I think Gollum has found you a disguise…' Amanda said in an attempt to be cheerful. Before Pippin could say anything, she grabbed the blue wig and slapped it over his head. 'Okay. I can't recognise you. Let's go.'

'I can't see anything,' Pippin whined as Amanda dragged him towards Heather. The latter was trying to improve Legolas' mood by saying that he would look just fine with a hat on.

'What the hell?' Heather commented as Pippin stumbled over her outstretched legs. 'Pippin…what are you wearing?'

'A wig,' Pippin said sourly. 'It smells weird.'

'Give it to Legolas after you're done with it. He's ever so slightly bald right now,' Heather suggested. Pippin peeled some blue hair away from his eyes to look at the elf. He collapsed onto the ground in a fit of giggles.

'I. Hate. Everyone.' Legolas groaned. Suddenly, one of his fangirls behind the stanchions caught a glimpse of his new resting place. She gave a scream and started to race towards him. 'Oh no. No, no, no!'

The elf jumped up and ran off in a random direction, now followed by many fangirls. Pippin pulled his wig back over his face and curled up.

'If anyone asks, Pip is a Smurf,' Heather decided. Far across the room, Legolas could be heard shouting Elvish swears as the top of his lungs. 'I think Leggy-boo has been caught again.'

'Maybe we should go save more people…?' Amanda suggested.

'Nah, soon they'll all figure out that they're stronger than all of their fangirls and that they can easily run away,' Heather said. At that moment, Boromir was hoisted up into the air as if he was crowd surfing. The fangirls that were carrying him slowly started to march away with their prize.

'I think Boromir may be in need of some assistance,' Amanda said slowly.

'Pff, he's a Gondorian, he can manage,' Heather said with a shrug.

'He's bound and gagged,' Amanda realised.

'Oh,' Heather said. There was a moment of silence. 'Fiiine. I'll go save Mr. Boromir, seeing as he can't save himself. I was just getting comfortable, actually.'

Heather got up and turned to look at Amanda. 'Your turn is next.'

She then stomped away to go save Boromir.

'Yo, bitches!' Heather shouted at the fangirls. Many turned around. 'Good to know that you respond to your names. Anywhoo, please let down Boromir. I don't know what you're planning on doing with him, and to be frank I don't _want _to know what you have planned. Just let him down. If you don't, I will set Gollum on you all.'

'I'm not a bitch,' one finally said.

'Good response time,' Heather said sarcastically. 'Since none of you are letting Boromir down, you leave me with no choice.'

Heather then turned around. She couldn't see Gollum anywhere.

'Erm, Gollum? Kind of need you now, mutant-hobbit-thing,' Heather called.

'Fail!' a fangirl squealed. Heather turned onto her.

'Be more specific. What was a fail? The fact that I called out? Actually, me being able to speak as easily as I can took years of practice and growth, so I'm assuming that that wasn't a fail. Calling Gollum a mutant-hobbit-thing isn't a fail either, because he used to be a hobbit-like creature, yet he has been deformed by time and the Ring. If you have read the _Lord of the Rings _books (which I doubt you have), you would have known much about this subject. Needing Gollum isn't a fail because he is a killing-machine, and could snap all of your necks in seconds if he wished. Gollum isn't a fail, he's just a freak. No, I'm not failing here. What really is the fail here is that you're carrying away an innocent man because he was played by Sean Bean in the LOTR movies and you have all decided to be Boromir-fangirls. I'm not saying Sean Bean isn't epic enough to fangirl over, but you've got the wrong guy; this is Boromir, the _real _Boromir, the guy who can and will cut off your heads if you push him too much. If you were to swarm around Sean Bean, he'd give you some autographs and security would probably tell you off. The _fail _here is that you are in serious danger because this guy that you are idolising is actually unsafe. It's like looking at pictures of cute bears and then seeing a bear in real life and going up to hug it; it's a fail. So, really, I'm not failing; _you _are,' Heather rambled proudly. She wasn't quite sure how sound her argument was, but she was buying time. At the beginning of her speech, she had seen Gollum slowly getting onto the ceiling again. He was now positioned right over the cluster of fangirls.

'I like cute bears!' one fangirl said.

'Good for you,' Heather snapped. Then Gollum fell right next to the group of fangirls. They screamed and was dropped Boromir to the ground. The shouting fangirls were chased off by Gollum.

Meanwhile, Amanda and Pippin had been joined by Aragorn. He had knocked out all of his fangirls and looked about ready to kill someone.

'Do you want to go help some of the others?' Amanda asked as she watched Legolas slowly try to crawl away from his fangirls (it was no use; they were attaching themselves to his legs).

'No,' Aragorn said shortly.

A few minutes later, Heather reappeared, followed by a mentally-scarred-for-life Boromir and Gollum. Boromir's gags had successfully been taken off.

'That took a while,' Amanda said as Heather sat down. 'Boromir, you have lipstick all over your chin…and ears…and arms…'

'Hrkwmf,' Boromir said intelligently, falling onto the ground and not moving.

'I. Hate. Fangirls.' Heather sighed, leaning against a wall.

'But they is tasty!' Gollum said cheerfully.

'What?' Amanda asked.

'Don't ask,' Heather said grimly. 'How about you go save some people and leave us alone?'

'Fine, Ms. Grumpy-pants,' Amanda said. She got up and walked back to the group of fangirls. She noticed Sam about to get torn apart by two fangirls that were fighting over him. Unsure of what to do, she picked a shoe off of a random unconscious fangirl and through it at one of Sam's attackers. They slumped to the floor. The other one tugged at Sam again, unaware that her opponent wasn't pulling anymore, and fell down, dragging Sam down too.

'Amanda, save me!' Sam wailed as the fangirl tried to pull him away. Amanda picked up another shoe and tossed it. By accident, she knocked out Sam.

'Crap,' Amanda groaned as the fangirl picked up the poor hobbit and started to walk away. Desperately, she cried out, 'Gollum!'

In a flash Gollum was at the heels of the fangirl, biting at her shoes. The girl shrieked and dropped Sam, and the latter was slowly carried away by Amanda.

'Gollum! No biting!' Amanda shouted as she tugged Sam back to Heather. Gollum cursed, ran up the fangirl's body, and knocked her out instead.

'But they tastes good!' Gollum cried out, scampering back to Amanda.

'I don't want to know how you know that,' Amanda decided, depositing Sam next to Aragorn. 'I think Gollum and I make a good team. We can probably manage just by ourselves to get the others back.'

Since no one protested against this idea, Amanda and Gollum retrieved all of The Fellowship members except for Gimli (he didn't need saving) and Legolas (his fangirls had surrounded him like a wall, and Amanda knew that she would need more people to get him.)

'Alright. It's time for battle,' Amanda said as Merry was laid next to Pippin. Far across the room, Legolas could be heard yelling. 'Heather, Boromir, and Aragorn, you all look healthy enough to fight. Let's go save our elf!'

'Do we have to?' Heather whined. 'He sounds like he's enjoying himself.'

Just then, Legolas could be heard screaming, 'THEY'RE LICKING MY EARS! THIS IS DISGUSTING!'

'Heather, they're _licking his ears_,' Amanda said. 'We need to save him.'

'Fine,' Heather sighed, getting up. They all headed towards the surrounded Legolas, collecting weapons (a.k.a. shoes) along the way. Gollum climbed above them.

'Go away!' the fangirls screamed as they drew near. Legolas' muffled cries could be heard.

'Fire!' Amanda said dramatically. Next to her, Heather burst into laughter over how cheesy her friend sounded and threw limply. All of her shoes hit the floor.

'I'm out of shoes. Oh, I guess we're trying to sound schmancy. _I'm out of ammo. _Ta-da,' Heather said sarcastically.

'Heather,' Amanda said seriously, 'this is war.'

'Then why don't we just have Gollum drop down so we can get this over with?' Heather questioned. On cue, Gollum fell from the ceiling. Sadly, he missed his mark, and fell flat on his face next to the fangirls.

'Cleanup on aisle two!' Heather called out as Gollum twitched slightly.

'Charge!' the fangirls suddenly all shouted in unison. They rushed towards the group, suddenly equipped with _knives_.

'What the shit?!' Heather screeched. She yanked Boromir's shield out of his arms and tried to hide under it.

'Give it back, give it back, give it baaaack!' Boromir shouted as the fangirls started to chase him. The world suddenly went dark.

'Holy. Shit.' Heather breathed out. 'Boromir, your shield is too small.'

'Maybe you're just fat,' Boromir said irritably.

'I resent that remark,' Heather said unhappily. 'And because of it, I'm going to give your shield to Gollum.'

'Gollum is unconscious,' Boromir pointed out.

'No we is not,' Gollum croaked right next to Boromir. There was a sudden thumping noise.

'Now he is,' Boromir said innocently.

'Whatever. You can have your freakin' shield back,' Heather said, tossing it towards Boromir. At that moment, Legolas sat up from his place on the ground. The shield clipped him in the chin. 'Holy shit, Legolas, are you always _trying _to get hurt?!'

The elf groaned, muttered something about "better than having my ears _licked_", and laid back down.

…**Goes to a Comic-Con!**

**(suggested by Ninja Elf girl)**

**(note: I have never been to a Comic-Con, and therefore this may be unlike what they are actually like xD)**

'I reaaaally don't like fangirls,' Boromir decided randomly. '_Reaaaally _don't.'

'They tastes good!' a (conscious) Gollum chimed in.

'Stop saying thaaat,' Amanda complained. 'You're making me feel gross.'

'I feel…' Legolas began, 'dirty.'

Heather burst into a fit of laughter.

'No, seriously! They were terrible,' Legolas said in a grim tone. 'They kept on telling me bits about their…fanfictions? They apparently write stories about me and…and…'

'And?' Heather asked.

'G-Gimli,' Legolas said, and, judging by his tone of voice, it was pretty clear that they weren't stories about friendship. 'Some were with Aragorn, too. And some with…never mind.'

'Well, that's scarring,' Heather said astutely.

'My fangirls were nice,' Gimli said proudly.

'Well aren't you just a special-snowflake,' Heather said sardonically. 'Remind me later to give you a gold star.'

'My fangirls just wanted to look at my eyes…' Frodo said slowly. 'It was creepy. They just pried back my eyelids and stared at me.'

'One said poetry to me!' Sam said, trying to be cheerful. 'She said "Roses are red, bugs can be ants, I think you're cute, let me into your pants!" I didn't think people liked my clothing choices, but there you have it.'

'Erm, Sam, that's not what she meant…' Amanda said slowly.

'She wants to have se-,' Heather began.

'LET'S NOT ELABORATE!' Amanda said quickly. 'H-how about we talk about something else?'

'Legolas, were they _actually _licking your ears?' Heather asked.

'And whispering things. Terrible things,' Legolas said in a scarred tone.

Suddenly the world became bright.

'Dramatic moment ruined!' Heather said, covering her face up.

'What are you doing on the floor?' somebody asked.

'Looking for my tonsils. They have appeared to have fallen out,' Heather explained.

'Don't be sarcastic with Darth Vader.'

'What?' Heather asked, peering up. Standing over them all was none other than Darth Vader. 'What the shit?'

'IT IS SAURON!' Pippin decided, rolling into a ball.

'Wrong fandom, bro. Anyways, you're in the way of the Lego displays. Mind letting me past?' Darth Vader asked pleasantly.

'Where are we?' Amanda asked. Darth Vader looked down at her.

'Um…you're at a Comic-Con…' he said slowly. Heather started to cheer.

'I CAN ACTUALLY FIT IN HERE!' she said joyfully, jumping to her feet. She turned around. 'THOSE ARE SOME SPECTACULAR LEGO DISPLAYS INDEED, MR. DARTH VADER!'

'What…?' Pippin said, trailing off as Heather started posing next to the Hulk made of lego.

'She's with her people,' Amanda clarified.

'Can…can I get by?' Darth Vader asked. He then saw Boromir's shield. 'Dude! Boromir's shield! That's so epic! Where did you get it?!'

As Darth Vader reached down to touch the shield, Boromir assumed that this dark figure was just going to act like the fangirls did and try to take his shield. With a roar, Boromir sprang up and hit Darth Vader on the head with the shield.

'BOROMIR!' Amanda screeched as Darth Vader collapsed.

'PEOPLE SHOULDN'T TOUCH MY SHIELD!' Boromir shouted in anger.

'What just happened?' Heather asked, appearing from behind a Lego statue.

'Boromir just killed Darth Vader!' Amanda explained hurriedly.

'I just knocked him out,' Boromir said defensively. 'Look, you can see him breathing.'

'Dude, Amanda, don't be so pissed; he has just saved the galaxy!' Heather said. 'Good job, Boromir.'

'Don't encourage him!' Amanda snapped.

In the end, Darth Vader was awkwardly dragged behind a Captain America made of Lego.

'That kind of looked sketchy,' Heather said after they had finished hiding him.

'What's a Comic-Con?' Frodo asked randomly.

'You'll see,' Heather said, grinning wickedly. 'Let's go find the other people…'

She then led the group towards down a hallway that was marked with bright red arrows, a little jump in her step. They came across a door with an "X" on it and opened it up.

A room full of bustling people, many in costumes, was exposed. The Fellowship walked forwards, and unbeknownst to them, Gollum snuck off into the crowd.

'Nobody get lost, please,' Amanda pleaded with them all. Suddenly, another person dressed as Darth Vader walked by.

'HE HAS BEEN RESURRECTED!' Boromir yelled, clutching onto his shield protectively. Everyone turned to stare at him.

'Sometimes you make no sense,' Amanda sighed.

'Guys, quit embarrassing me,' Heather said huffily. 'IS THAT PERSON DRESSED UP AS NUTELLA?!'

Heather quickly vanished into the crowd.

'Well, there goes our guide. Okay, folks, let's try to fit in,' Amanda said. They started into the crowd.

'Cool weapons!' a random person suddenly commented. They were dressed up as Loki. 'What fandom are they from?'

'The Lord of the Rings,' Amanda said quickly.

'Dude, how did I now know that? Everyone knows who I am, though,' the person said with a laugh.

'I don't,' Frodo said.

'You…don't?' the person asked, taken aback.

'He's just really in his LOTR character-mode,' Amanda said, trying to cover for Frodo; 'he asked me what a cell phone was a few minutes ago, ha ha…yeah.'

'No I didn't,' Frodo said.

'Oh, look, there's Thor!' Amanda said quickly over Frodo, pointing behind Loki's shoulder. The person in costume turned around to look, and Amanda quickly led The Fellowship away.

'Who was that?' Frodo asked.

'Loki,' Amanda said shortly.

'Is he famous?' Frodo questioned.

'Erm…' Amanda said, 'it's complicated…'

'That person looks like me,' Legolas said, pointing to someone dressed in an elf costume.

'When you had hair, you looked like that,' Heather said, suddenly popping up. 'Although methinks they're dressed up as Link.'

'Where have you been?' Amanda asked haughtily.

'The person dressed up as Nutella was giving away small jars of Nutella.'

'Did you bring yours back?' Amanda asked hopefully.

'I've already eaten it.'

'Look! There's Gandalf!' Frodo exclaimed, pointing to a tall person dressed up as a wizard.

'Actually, that's Dumbledore,' Heather corrected, but the hobbits had already run up to the person and were currently giving them hugs.

'WE THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!' the hobbits cried out, clutching at the robe of the poor fake-wizard.

'What?' the person said. 'Get off! Off! Hey, you – stop crying on my socks!'

'Fandoms should stop idolising characters that look like other fandom's characters,' Heather said wisely as Dumbledore made a run for it.

'Um, Amanda?' Aragorn suddenly said.

'Yes?' Amanda replied, not liking his tone.

'Gollum is on the ceiling again…'

Amanda looked up. 'Crap.'

'He really likes doing that lately,' Heather said, peering upwards. Suddenly, Gollum made a loud shriek from above, and then he was falling. 'Oh shit…'

There was a thump, and many gasps. Gollum had landed on none other Ian Mackellen.

'OH SHIT!' Heather screeched as she pushed through the crowd. 'GOLLUM, YOU KILLED GANDALF!'

'Gandalf?' the hobbits cried out.

'Not the real Gandalf!' Amanda assured them.

'We hurtses!' Gollum wailed.

'You killed Gandalf!' the hobbits cried out.

'Isn't he already dead?' Legolas asked.

'We've told you already; he didn't _actually _die!' Heather said.

'But you just said that Gollum killed Gandalf!' the hobbits exclaimed in panicky and confused voices.

'This man is Gandalf, just not _your _Gandalf!' Heather explained.

'We is confused, precious!' Gollum screamed.

'So Gandalf is and isn't dead?' the hobbits asked.

'Yes!' Heather shouted. Ian Mackellen then coughed. 'Or…maybe they're both alive.'

'Gandalf is dead?' Gimli asked, slow on the uptake.

'No, but he is,' Legolas said.

'No, they're both alive,' Heather said exasperatedly.

'But you said -,'

'Heather, security is coming…'

'Gandalf is deadses or not?'

'He's not!'

'But you just said -,'

'Heather, security is coming and they look angry…'

'Is Loki a girl?'

'Frodo, that isn't even relevant -,'

'Heather, they look pissed…'

'What's happening?' Sir Ian Mackellen asked.

'We don't know if Gandalf is dead or not,' Frodo explained.

'Heather!'

Suddenly the group was swarmed with security guards. Gollum was instantly grabbed by one of them, and Ian Mackellen got up.

'We don'ts like being touched, precious!' Gollum wailed, biting at his captor's arms.

'He looks a lot like Gollum,' Ian Mackellen remarked faintly.

'That's because we _is _Gollum, we is!' Gollum howled.

'I'm confused,' Ian Mackellen said.

'Welcome to my world,' Amanda sighed.

Then the world went dark.

'So…is Gandalf dead?' Frodo asked in a confused manner.

'…yes,' Heather decided.

'But you said -,'

'Yes he isn't not, not, not undead.'

Frodo sat in silence, trying to figure the sentence out.

'I'm confused,' said Gimli.

'Again, welcome to my world,' Amanda groaned before collapsing onto the dark ground.

…**Goes to the Movie Theatre!**

**(suggestions surrounding movie-theatre-going by legolasgreenleaf77, a guest, Pip the Invader, The NCISElf, daddys number 1 girl, and Petaldawn**)

**(erm…this mini-chapter-thing doesn't really contain any spoilers for **_**The Hobbit**_**, just as an FYI, so you people who haven't seen the movie yet (although I doubt there are many who haven't), don't worry – all that is mentioned are a few names and such :D)**

'I'm boreeeed,' Frodo said suddenly. It had been around an hour since the Comic-Con.

'I have to pee again,' Pippin said sadly.

'TMI,' Heather groaned.

'Like, badly…'

'Pippin.'

'I'm going to explode.'

'_Pippin._'

'Kablooey.'

'You're a strange hobbit,' Heather sighed. Then she abruptly cried out, 'Legolaaaaas!'

The elf woke up from his sleep. He was peeved, because he had been having a lovely dream consisting of him having hair again. 'What?'

'Ear-licking!' Heather said joyfully. Legolas grew pale and curled into a ball, muttering things to himself as he did so.

'Stop tormenting him,' Amanda scolded.

'He deserves it.'

'Why?'

'He killed the cactus.'

There was a long pause.

'Sometimes I worry about you,' Amanda finally said.

Then the world became bright.

'ERMERGERD!' Heather groaned, hiding her eyes beneath her sleeves.

'It's actually not that bright out, Heather,' Amanda said slowly. Heather cracked open her eyes.

'It's pretty bright,' Heather mumbled. 'Where are we?'

'I think a movie theatre,' Amanda said, 'or, rather, at a cinema. We're not actually in a theatre. We're in the food-buying-place…thing.'

'Good description,' Heather said. 'I haven't seen a movie in forever. What's playing?'

Amanda stood up, followed by the others. On a wall next to them were many movie posters. Amanda did a little dance. '_The Hobbit_!'

'_THE HOBBIT _IS PLAYING?!' Heather shouted. 'BUT WHEN WE LEFT ON THIS ADVENTURE-THINGY, IT WASN'T OUT YET!'

Amanda and Heather then started to dance around in joy.

'What's happening?' Frodo asked.

'We still have money!' Heather said, ignoring him. 'We can goooo!'

'Guys! Guys-guys-guys!' Amanda exclaimed to the group. 'Want to be exposed to some amazing-sauce culture?!'

'Erm…' the group replied.

'Alright, let's go get tickets!' Amanda decided, not waiting for an answer. The Fellowship all got gradually up.

'I thought you weren't fangirls,' Frodo said as they started towards a ticket counter.

'Dude. Bro. This is _The Hobbit _that we're talking about. This isn't a fandom. This is life,' Heather said. She then looked at The Fellowship walking right next to her. '…literally.'

Amanda quickly bought the tickets. The movie was to start in ten minutes.

'We have only a little time to buy snacks,' Amanda said anxiously. 'So what do people want?'

The hobbits listed the things that they wanted and then scampered off to find the bathrooms, supervised by Aragorn, Boromir, and Gimli. That left just Amanda, Heather, and Legolas to carry the monstrous amount of food that had been ordered. Gollum sulked in a corner and offered no assistance.

'Guys, I don't think we'll be able to carry fifteen extra-large bags of popcorn,' Heather said doubtfully. 'Or twenty extra-large pops. Or eleven packages of candy floss. Or twenty-three packs of candy. Or the ten trays of nachos.'

'The hobbits nearly ate everything in that restaurant not that long ago. I don't see why they wanted so much food,' Amanda sighed, staring at the large amount of food sitting on the snack counter. The person behind the counter was giving her a strange look.

'Do you need help carrying the food?' they asked.

'Yes,' Amanda replied quickly.

In the end, the food had to be carried into the theatre by many workers. An entire row was cleared for The Fellowship and their food. After this was settled, Heather had to quickly go and find the hobbits and the men before the movie started. When they arrived back at the theatre, the movie was just about to start.

'IT'S SO DARK!' Pippin shouted. He was hushed by many movie watchers. 'WHY ARE PEOPLE MAKING "SHHHH" NOISES?!'

'Oh god,' Amanda groaned as the group stumbled through the darkness. Pippin actually ended up tripping over something and falling into an aisle, causing a woman to spill her drink everywhere.

'YOU SPILLED MY POP ON MY PURSE!' she screamed. Several nearby people groaned as they tried to pay attention to the movie.

'I CAN'T SEEEEEE!' Pippin cried out. Then he looked on screen. 'WHAT'S HAPPENING?'

Heather then physically dragged him to his seat where the others were sitting.

'Be quiet!' she hissed, plopping him onto the chair.

'WHAT IS HAPPENING, HEATHER?'

'We're watching a movie. _Shh!_'

'WHAT'S A MOVIE?' Pippin whispered loudly.

'Shut up and watch,' Heather hissed.

At first The Fellowship remained silent, yet it didn't take very long for Frodo to start talking.

'That's Bilbo!' he cried out.

'We salute you, Captain Obvious. Now shut up,' Heather hissed at him as several people in the theatre grumbled.

'That's me…?' Frodo said loudly again a little while later.

'This movie is called _The Hobbit _for a reason; there are hobbits in it. Shut up, now,' Heather said in a whisper.

'AM I IN THIS MOVIE?' Pippin yell-whispered.

'Am I?' Sam asked.

'Am I?' Merry asked.

'You aren't important, so no,' Heather said angrily. 'Now shut up! I'm trying to watch!'

At this point, there were many unhappy people in the theatre, but the comments didn't stop there. Several things were shouted out at random, such as 'Gandalf!' and 'Those are dwarves! That's my father!' and 'Bilbo looks so young!' and 'Gimli, who's Thorin Oakenshield? Why is he so important?' By the third outcry of, 'DRAGON?!' (screeched by Pippin), people had started to leave the theatre.

'Guys, shut uuuuup!' Heather commanded irately.

'BOMBUR'S SO FAAAAAT!' Pippin responded gaily. 'Merry, pass the pink-fluff-stuff-in-a-bag!'

'I think it is called candy floss,' Merry said knowledgably. He tossed a pack over to Pippin.

'May I have some of the popped corn?' Gimli asked pleasantly; he _really _liked this movie, mainly because it was about dwarves being epic.

'YEP!' Pippin exclaimed, tossing him a bag. Pippin was so happy, in fact, that he tossed very badly and flung popcorn across the entire eight rows of seats in front of him. 'OOPS!'

'_Pippin!_' Amanda groaned as several more people stomped out angrily.

'Retry!' Pippin said, tossing another bag. This time the bag landed over someone's head, and some popcorn ended up hitting the movie screen where it stuck.

'You've messed up the view of the movie!' Heather pouted. The popcorn had ruined the epic scene that they had been watching; it's hard to take a movie seriously if there's popcorn seemingly stuck to people's faces.

'This movie is stupid,' Legolas suddenly said. 'And that singing earlier? Elves are far more superior.'

'Do you want a fight, elf-boy?' Gimli said, turning to Legolas. Legolas blinked and seemed to think about it for a bit.

'I actually just really want my hair back,' Legolas said, and then burst into tears.

'This is a mess,' Amanda stated as Pippin tried to throw another bag of popcorn, this time successfully landing it over Legolas' head. She watched regretfully as the final amount of the other movie watchers trickled out of the theatre, mumbling complaints. 'Well then. We're alone.'

'WE CAN BE LOUD NOW!' Pippin shouted happily, springing over the seat in front of him and tumbling across a few rows. 'MERRY, GIVE ME SOME MORE CANDY FLOSS!'

'Please don't; he's had enough sugar,' Amanda said pleadingly, but Merry didn't hear her. He tossed Pippin another bag.

'I HATE MY LIIIIFE!' Legolas yelled, his head still within the popcorn bag. 'MY HAIR IS GONE. FATHER WILL HATE ME. I DON'T LOOK LIKE A PRINCE ANYMORE. I WANT TO GO HOOOOME AND HAVE MY HAIR BACK! I WANT TO GO HOME!'

He pried the bag off of his face, which was covered in salt and grease. 'I HAVE SALT IN MY EYES!'

Legolas then started to blindly reach for water to rinse out the stinging salt, butter, grease, and whatever else was put in with the popcorn. He ended up finding a cup of pop and, prying open his eyes, poured the bubbly liquid into them.

'MY EEEEYES!' Legolas shouted at the top of his lungs, rolling off of his seat and onto the floor. 'IT BURRRRNS!'

Unbeknownst to the group, Gollum had snuck away. He had found the movie projector behind them all and had accidentally paused the movie. Bilbo's face became plastered on screen, two bits of popcorn outwardly stuck to his eyes.

'What. The. Shit.' Heather swore. 'I JUST WANT TO SEE THE BLOODY MOVIE. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!'

'Watch this!' Pippin cried out proudly. He jumped up and ran towards the screen, and, using the candy floss, covered the chin of Martin Freeman with pink. It looked like an odd beard.

'I'M DONE.' Heather shouted, tossing her bag of popcorn into the air and getting up angrily. 'I'M SO DONE. I'M SO DONE THAT I CAN'T.'

She then stomped out of the theatre.

'"_I'm so done that I can't_"?' Boromir quoted. 'That makes grammatical sense.'

'I'M SO DONE THAT I CAN'T TOOOOO!' Legolas howled.

'You don't even know what that means,' Boromir pointed out. Legolas bawled more, tugged off his shoe, and started to savagely hit himself in the head with it.

'This isn't going well,' Amanda commented. She looked up to see that Pippin had given Bilbo a much bigger pink beard.

Suddenly, Heather's protests could be heard. She was soon pushed back into the theatre by a short man.

'We've had numerous complaints about things happening in this theatre,' he announced loudly. He then saw Pippin sticking more candy floss onto the movie screen. '_What _are you doing?!'

Pippin squeaked and dropped his bag of the fluff. 'NOTHING!'

'MY LIFE MEANS NOTHING!' Legolas yelled from his seat.

'Why is the movie stopped?' the man asked angrily.

'I don't know, and frankly I don't give a shit anymore. Can I leave?' Heather asked in an unhappy tone. Suddenly there came a scraping noise from the back of the theatre. The picture on the movie screen started to shudder. 'What…what was that?'

The man swore loudly and flicked on a flashlight. He pointed it to the noise, illuminating a projector suddenly tumbling down the set of stairs next to the rows of theatre seats. The projector was still projecting, and a grainy picture of Martin Freeman jumped all over the theatre as the bulky piece of equipment bounced down the steps. When it reached the bottom, it flew into the air and smacked into the man. There was a _crack! _and Martin Freeman's blurry image disappeared.

'Whoopses,' Gollum said from above the seats, 'we didn't mean to push it down the stairses, precious.'

'GOLLUM, YOU KILLED SOMEONE!' Amanda screeched, getting quickly out of her seat.

'He's not dead!' Heather said, testing his pulse. 'Just knocked out…why is everyone getting knocked out lately? You'd think that someone would have died by now…'

'I WANT TO DIE!' Legolas cried out.

'What happened to elves being cheerful?' Gimli asked jokingly.

'I WILL CUT YOUR THROAT IF YOU DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!' Legolas screamed, still smacking his forehead with his shoe.

'Poor elf-boy,' Heather said sardonically, picking up the random man's flashlight. She pointed it to Legolas. 'You have a bit of butter on your face…maybe more than a bit. More like a vat's worth.'

Legolas literally rolled off of his chair to disappear from the light. 'GO AWAAAAY!'

'Someone needs sleep,' Heather commented. 'Well, since you guys have RUINED the movie - like, literally ruined it, seeing as the projector is no longer working – we might as well leave. This has been disappointing. I'm pissed off.'

'ERM NOT!' Pippin said over a mouthful of candy floss. He had eaten all of the stuff from his bag and was trying to get back the fluff that he had mashed onto the screen. It was hard to do in near darkness.

'Legolas, if you want my professional get-better advice, eat some candy floss; the sugar will improve your mood, and you'll stop feeling so PMS-y,' Heather advised the elf.

'What's PMS?' Merry asked.

'CAN YOU EAT IT?' Pippin questioned hopefully, as per usual.

'Ew,' was all that Heather said. Then the theatre ceased to exist. 'Ah. Back in the black-room thing. WAIT – I still have the flashlight!'

Heather pointed it around helpfully.

'I hate when we teleport when we're sitting down. Suddenly the chair is gone and you just slam into the ground,' Amanda complained.

'I HATE LIFE!'

'Legolas, have some candy floss,' Merry said, tossing him a bag.

'I DON'T WANT ANY!'

In the end, he was force-fed.

…**Makes Computers/Electronics!**

**(suggested by two guests)**

'Feeling better, elfy?' Heather asked cheerfully, pointing the flashlight at his face.

'Candy floss tastes disgusting,' Legolas replied gloomily.

'At least you have something else to focus on now,' Heather responded happily.

'I want to go hoooome,' Legolas groaned. 'I don't even care anymore what the others would say about my hair. Hair grows back. My health won't if I keep on going through torture.'

'Why so serious?' Heather questioned, and then burst into laughter.

'Thanks for the support,' Legolas said through clenched teeth.

'She's never very supportive, if you haven't realised that by now,' Amanda reminded the elf.

'Whatever,' he sighed. The world suddenly became bright.

'MY EYES!' Heather roared, keeling over.

'Why so serious?' Legolas snapped at her.

'YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE THAT QUOTE IS FROOOOM!' Heather roared. She then poked up her head, finding the light not unbearable. 'And you used it wrong.'

'Whatever,' Legolas repeated.

'Where are we?' Merry suddenly asked.

'Isn't that usually my line?' Heather asked sarcastically. 'Anyways, it's simple; we're…'

She looked around. They were outside of a large grey brick building with the words '_Electronic FACTORY_' printed on it.

'We're at the Electronic FACTORY, of course,' Heather said proudly. She then frowned. 'Why is "FACTORY" all in caps?'

'So that you know that it's a factory,' Amanda explained inadequately.

'Do you think they had some complaint?' Heather asked. '"I was driving past the factory, and since 'factory' wasn't capitalised, I thought that this was a drugstore! How dare you print such confusing signs?!"'

'You have a strange mind,' Amanda decided. 'Let's go inside.'

They all got up and headed towards the Electronic FACTORY. Out front there were two revolving doors and one normal door.

'WHAT ARE THOSE?!' Pippin asked excitedly.

'Doors…?' Amanda responded faintly.

Pippin rushed forwards and into the revolving door, followed by Merry. They pushed at the glass and started to go round and round in the door.

'THIS IS FUUUUUN!' Pippin shouted. Then the door suddenly got stuck, leaving the hobbits imprisoned between the glass walls. 'Or…not. WHAT'S HAPPENING?!'

'Ah, shit,' Heather swore as Merry became claustrophobic, pushed on the glass too much, and smashed it. Glass sprayed everywhere, and Pippin, in his surprise, snapped through his door too.

'Merry! Pippin!' Amanda yelled as the hobbits quickly exited through the new, sharp holes in the glass.

'It wasn't me!' they both said at once.

'We literally just watched you both smash the glass, idiots,' Heather said in a pained tone. 'We can't take you _anywhere_, can we?'

'Are you hurt?' Amanda asked anxiously.

'I think I ate too much candy floss,' Pippin randomly said.

'I think that means "no",' Heather interpreted.

'You guys need to be more careful!' Amanda scolded them. 'You could have been seriously hurt!'

'Yeah, we wouldn't want that to happen,' Legolas commented cynically.

'Who pissed in your Cheerios?' Heather asked him unpleasantly.

'What?' he replied confusedly.

'That's right,' Heather said, walking towards the normal door and pulling it open. She motioned for Legolas to go in. 'Ladies first.'

He looked about ready to scream.

When they were inside the building they found themselves in a long hallway. Awkwardly leaving the smashed glass behind, they walked down the corridor. There was an elevator door right next to a door leading to a staircase.

'Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'd prefer to _not _take the elevator,' Heather voiced.

'I'm with you on that one,' Amanda said in a pained tone.

'Why not?' Pippin asked. Everyone stared at him.

'Do you have the memory span of a goldfish?' Heather asked him.

'What's a goldfish?'

'A fish…that's gold-coloured…'

'I'm confused,' Pippin stated.

'Same,' Heather agreed. 'Now let's take the stairs.'

The door was opened and they climbed up the seemingly never-ending staircase. Finally they got to the top where there was a large metal door.

'Wouldn't it be great if this door and the door downstairs suddenly locked and we got stuck in a stairwell for twenty-four hours?' Heather asked.

'No,' the others replied bitterly.

'Yeah, I agree,' Heather responded, pulling at the handle of the door. A look of panic swept across her face. 'It's…it's not opening!'

All at once Gollum started to wail, Legolas contemplated throwing himself down the stairs, Merry started to yell, making Pippin start to scream too, Aragorn, Boromir, and Gimli all started to devise a plan to knock down the door, Sam and Frodo curled up into fetal positions, and Amanda looked ready to start to cry.

'Just kidding,' Heather said with a grin, opening the door. Everyone looked about ready to kill her.

'Not. Funny.' Amanda said through gritted teeth, passing through the door.

'_Whatever_,' Heather said, mocking Legolas.

They all entered a room full of machinery. Several people in uniforms were working away on machines while a woman with a clipboard walked around, taking notes as she sneered at the people.

'It's Umbridge!' Heather whispered.

'Who?' Pippin asked.

'Never mind,' Heather sighed as the woman spotted the group and stalked towards them.

'Good day,' the woman said stiffly as she arrived in front of them.

'G'day, mate!' Heather exclaimed in a terrible Australian accent. The woman stared at her.

'I didn't know that our new staff came from out of country,' the woman said, looking at Heather severely.

'Stereotypes! Stereotypes!' Heather shouted very loudly. Amanda stamped on her foot, but it was no use. 'I'm not from Australia! I'm from Canada! DON'T STEREOTYPE ME, BRO!'

The woman didn't look impressed, especially when Heather called her "bro".

'Right…' she said slowly with a sneer. 'Now, how did you find the training exercises? Were they helpful?'

'What training exercises?' Pippin asked. The woman stared at him blankly.

'I'm not one for jokes,' she said stiffly.

'I never would have guessed,' Heather said, rolling her eyes.

'I'm not very impressed with you,' the woman snapped.

'What were you expecting? Swedish supermodels? Sorry that we don't fit the bill,' Heather snapped back.

'Get to work!' the woman shouted in frustration. She clicked her pen and started to scribble furiously on her clipboard.

'I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO,' Pippin yell-whispered at Amanda.

'Make computers!' the woman demanded before she stalked away.

'What…what's a computer?' Merry asked.

'This isn't going to go well,' Amanda predicted unenthusiasticly.

**X**

After explaining what computers were to the confused Fellowship, the group moved over to the other workers. They eventually found one that was willing to talk to them.

'So…' Amanda said awkwardly, '…what do we do here?'

The worker looked at her strangely. 'We…assemble parts?'

'You've lost me,' Amanda said.

'The parts are made out of country…and then are shipped here…so we can assemble them?'

'Why does that happen?' Amanda asked. 'Wouldn't it be easier to just make the…computers in one place? We are making computers here, right?'

'The _computer _parts are made in a different country and then are shipped here and assembled, so that our company can say that these computers weren't made overseas,' the worker responded bleakly.

'Wouldn't that be lying?' Amanda questioned.

'I don't care,' the worker shrugged. 'Now, quit asking questions. You guys were probably hired to put the hard drive, chipset, and motherboard into the bottom case assembly. Do you know what you're doing?'

'No,' Heather said flatly.

The worker gave a dry laugh. 'Good luck, then; you'll need it.'

'Where do we even go?' Heather asked harshly. The worker pointed at a large table with several boxes. 'Great.'

She walked over to the table and dumped a box onto it. Several computer parts were scattered everywhere. A few fell off of the table and smashed. 'Oops.'

The woman stomped over. 'Be careful! I'm deducting the cost of replacing those parts from your pay.'

She then stamped away, writing more things onto her clipboard. 'Wait until you see the door downstairs,' Heather said through her teeth.

'Smooth,' Amanda said, coming up from behind her. 'So…do you know how to assemble a computer?'

'I took apart my laptop once,' Heather said with a shrug. 'I think that's what we're making here.'

'Wait…I think I remember when you dismantled your laptop. Didn't you break it?' Amanda asked.

'Yeah, my parents were pissed,' Heather said with a frown.

'What…what happened?'

'I kind of sort of maybe put the battery in the wrong place and maybe hooked it up to the wrong thing and _maybe _set fire to my laptop and desk…' Heather said guiltily.

'Why did you take it apart in the first place?!' Amanda asked incredulously.

'I got half of my chocolate chip cookie stuck in the keyboard and I wanted it back,' Heather said defensively.

'How did you manage that?'

'Don't ask.'

Heather then kicked the broken computer parts under the table. She pulled a box of parts over to her and pulled out what looked to be like a tray. 'Is this the bottom case assembly thingamabob?'

'I guess so…' Amanda said with a shrug.

'What's that?' Frodo asked, walking up to the table. The rest of The Fellowship was with him.

'A taco,' Heather responded.

'What's a…taco?' Pippin asked.

'A rash,' Heather said.

'I'm very confused,' Pippin sighed. 'I _always _am.'

'That happens when you're around Heather,' Amanda said with a nod.

'Alright, I think I have this figured out,' Heather said, holding up an arm. 'So this thing goes here and that thing goes…here…and this thingamabob fits with this thingy…and…yeah.'

'In other words, you have no idea what you're doing,' Amanda interpreted.

'Yep. Okay, everyone, listen up; put things in at random and hope!' Heather decided brightly, smashing a handful of parts into the bottom case assembly. She then pushed it over to an end of the table. 'When you're done, push what you're working on over to that corner and start over again. Got it?'

'We is so confused, precious,' Gollum sighed, grabbing a handful of computer parts and attempting to eat them. When he realised that they were in fact not edible, he spit them out into his hand and tossed them into the finished-work corner of the table. He then wandered off.

Less than two minutes later, Pippin made a loud _aaaaAAAAAAGHHHHHHH! _noise. When everyone looked at him, they saw his hand dripping with blood.

'THE THING BIT ME!' Pippin wailed, throwing a part down and starting to jump on it. This resulted with blood being sprayed everywhere.

'Pippin, calm down!' Amanda said through gritted teeth. 'You got blood all over my shoe!'

Pippin stopped jumping at once and stared at his hand as if he hadn't noticed all of the blood. He then promptly fainted.

'Pippin!' Merry cried out loudly, rushing to his friend's aid.

'I think he got blood in my mouth,' Heather said with a disgusted look upon her face.

'We need some bandages!' Amanda said quickly. 'Stop surrounding him; let him breath!'

'He most definitely got blood in my mouth…'

'Merry, he is _not _choking, so stop doing that!' Amanda commanded as Merry hit Pippin on the back. 'You should never hit anyone like that, anyways.'

'I feel sick,' Heather groaned.

'What is happening over here?' the stern woman asked, walking up to them.

'BLOOD!' Pippin suddenly screeched, becoming conscious.

He shot upwards, spraying blood everywhere. The woman _did not _look impressed.

'Get up!' she spat at Pippin, and she said it so harshly that he obeyed quite quickly. 'Come with me!'

She then took him by the arm and dragged him away, leaving the others behind.

'What…what is she going to do to him?' Merry asked at length.

'I don't know…' Amanda said slowly, looking worried.

'Who cares?' Heather said unhappily; she was quite peeved that he got blood in her mouth.

'I do!' Merry shouted.

'We don'ts,' Gollum hissed.

'Kay, whatever, just keep on making computers,' Heather decided with a shrug.

A few minutes later, Pippin came stumbling back, his hand thoroughly wrapped in bandages.

'Why does my hand always get damaged?' Pippin whimpered.

The unhappy woman stalked towards them. 'Every time an injury occurs here, I have to write it down. This makes me look bad, so _don't _get hurt again.'

'OH NO!' Heather suddenly shouted, clutching at her head.

'What?!' the woman asked sharply.

'Your voice has made my brain turn into mush. Write that down,' Heather instructed the women, pointing at her clipboard.

'I am not writing that down! This _isn't _a joke!' the woman said impatiently and angrily.

'No, seriously, my brain is mush,' Heather said with a nod. 'Your voice made it go all mushy. I'm going to sue.'

'You're-,' the woman began, but she stopped when she saw the laptops that had been "completed". 'What are those?'

'Llamas,' Heather said wisely. 'Llamas with backpacks full of tacos.'

'Stop that!' the woman said, turning and looking at Heather sharply.

'Do you have something against tacos?' Heather asked in a shocked tone.

'You've ruined those parts!' the woman cried out, pointing to the mounds of parts.

'Wait until you see the door!' Heather said angrily. 'It's waaaay worse!'

'What…what door?' the woman asked.

'The front revolving door,' Heather said matter-of-factly.

'Heather…' Amanda said slowly.

'What did you do to that door?' the lady asked very reluctantly.

'Heather…' Amanda repeated, but Heather didn't listen to her.

'We smashed it,' Heather said with a grin.

The woman's eye twitched.

'That door,' she said at length, 'was graciously donated to our building by the CEO of this company.'

'It's just a door,' Heather said, and then laughed.

Suddenly the woman gave a yell like a war cry and lunged at Heather, reaching for her hair. Heather gave a surprised yelp and tried to push the woman away. Instead, she ended up falling down and overturning the table.

'I NEED A LITTLE HELP HERE!' Heather shouted as the woman attempted to strangle her.

'HEATHER, YOU PUSHED THE TABLE INTO A MACHINE!' Amanda shouted.

The table had fallen into the mouth of a very large apparatus that seemed to make labels. One of the legs had got caught in the opening, and there was the awful sound of grinding metal, as well as some smoke.

'KIND OF BUSY!' Heather screeched as the woman yanked at her hair. 'OI, GOLLUM!'

Gollum, deciding that he might as well help Heather, meandered over to the fight and hit the woman on the head. She slumped to the floor, unconscious.

'Thanks mutant-hobbit,' Heather said after a second.

'Can we eats her?' Gollum asked hopefully, prodding the woman with a finger.

'No,' Heather said, getting up.

'Then whys did we even save you in the first place, _gollum_?' Gollum sighed grumpily.

'_Heather!_' Amanda shouted, pointing at the label machine which was currently on fire.

'Well…shit,' Heather said astutely.

'Here's a fire extinguisher!' one of the employees said, tossing Amanda the red cylinder.

'I KNOW HOW TO USE THAT!' Frodo yelled proudly over the sudden alarm bells that started to ring. He grabbed the fire extinguisher from Amanda's arms.

'NO YOU DON'T!' Amanda shrieked.

It was too late; Frodo fired the fire extinguisher the wrong way _again _and ended up spraying himself, Gimli, Legolas, and Sam with foam.

'WE NEED ANOTHER ONE!' Amanda yelled, turning around to the employees – but they had all left.

'Let's get out of here!' Aragorn shouted.

'To the elevator!' Pippin yelled.

'No, _not _to the elevator!' Amanda yelled back.

Suddenly, the woman woke up. She stared at the flames and then started to wail.

'THE STAIRWELL IS LOCKED UP!' Boromir shouted; he had went over to the staircase door to open it, but to no avail.

'WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!' Heather shouted at the ceiling.

Suddenly sprinklers went off.

'My epic moments are always ruined,' Heather groaned, collapsing to the ground.

'WHY IS IT RAINING INSIDE?!' Pippin shouted at the top of his lungs.

'To put the fire out,' Amanda told him as she took deep breaths to calm herself down.

The fire alarm subsided and soon there was no more fire, just a lot of smoke.

'You've…you've ruined my factory,' the woman said at length.

'Sorry bro,' Heather said with a grin. Then the world went dark.

'I'm c-c-cold,' Pippin said through chattering teeth after a while.

'Cool story,' Heather said.

'Actually, it is a "cool" story, because he is cold,' Legolas stated.

'Remind me to toss you over a bridge the next time we see one,' Heather said grimly.

'That story would make a "splash" at parties,' Amanda suddenly piped up.

'Don't you dare start this,' Heather hissed.

'Oh, we has one!' Gollum cried out excitedly. 'The story would be as "crunchy" as fish bones!'

'I…I think you're a little off with that one, Gollum,' Heather said as Amanda sat next to her silently giggling.

…**Goes to Disneyland!**

**(suggested by legolasgreenleaf77)**

…**Goes to a Theme Park!**

**(suggested by two guests and Midnight Archer 13)**

'Frodo, you got foam in my ears,' Legolas sighed.

'The fire extinguisher was obviously broken. It's not my fault,' Frodo said huffily.

'My hand huuuurts,' Pippin groaned.

'How did you even cut yourself? The parts weren't sharp,' Heather asked.

'I don't know,' Pippin said with a shrug. 'I was just trying to break apart one of the parts to see what was inside when it completely snapped in half. It looked sharp, but I wasn't sure, so I ran my hand along it, and it bit me. I don't know how it happened, though…'

'You need some help,' Heather said at length. '_It looked sharp, but I wasn't sure, so I ran my hand along it. _How idiotic are you?'

'I wasn't sure if it was sharp!' Pippin cried defensively. 'It only _looked _sharp!'

'That usually means that it _is _sharp,' Heather said, shaking her head.

'I'm not as idiotic as Frodo; he's the one who misused the fire extinguisher!' Pippin said indignantly.

'I said it was _broken_,' Frodo repeated unhappily. 'And I'm not as idiotic as Heather; she's the one who upset the lady!'

'I didn't know she was going to try and kill me!' Heather protested. 'Besides, if Pippin hadn't cut his hand she wouldn't have been that upset in the first place!'

'It bit me!' Pippin screeched.

'PLASTIC DOESN'T BITE!' Heather shouted at the top of her lungs. 'HOLY SHIT, A PLASTIC PART DOESN'T HAVE TEETH, LET ALONE THE CAPACITY TO BITE!'

There was an awkward silence.

'What's plastic?' Pippin finally asked.

'I'm going to scream,' Heather informed them all.

'You already have,' Legolas said unhappily.

'ELF-BOY, IF YOU SAY ONE MORE WORD, I WILL FORCE YOU TO EAT MY SHOE!'

'I have a name, you know…'

'That's it,' Heather said, pulling off her shoe and getting up. 'Legolas, where are you?!'

Legolas, being smarter than the average bear, didn't give away his location. Sadly for him, the dark room was getting light enough to actually see the shapes of everyone. Heather chucked the shoe at a thin-ish shape.

'OW!' Legolas cried out.

'MUHAHAA!' Heather cried out triumphantly.

Then the world became bright.

'BWAAAAAGAAAAAAAAH!' Heather screamed, falling to the ground into a ball.

'Heather, it honestly isn't that bright out,' Amanda said, staring at her friend.

'Dude, yes it is,' Heather said, poking her head up. 'My eyes are just more sensitive than yours.'

'Here's your shoe,' Legolas said grimly, throwing it at her head. Heather ducked just in time, and the shoe fell into a nearby fountain. It immediately sunk into the depths of the murky water.

'ELF-BOY, THAT WAS MY SHOOOOE!' Heather screeched.

'Go get it,' Legolas said simply.

'The water doesn't look clean…' Heather said slowly, looking at the fountain. A Band-Aid suddenly surfaced and started to sail across the water. 'Ew. No. I'm not putting my arm in there.'

'You can't walk around with only one shoe,' Amanda said crisply.

'Well then I guess I can just buy one from…here. Where are we?' Heather asked, looking around. At that moment, Gollum gave a shriek and ran off to hide behind Boromir. 'Gollum, bro, calm your shit.'

'Nasty miceses, they scares us, yes!' Gollum wailed

'…right,' Heather agreed, glancing at the place that Gollum was staring at. A person in a Mickey Mouse costume was waving to them. 'Well there's your problem!'

'I think we're at Disneyland!' Amanda suddenly cried out happily.

'No, I'm pretty sure we're in Antarctica,' Heather said sarcastically.

'What is that?' Frodo asked, pointing to the Mickey Mouse person.

'Is it edibles?' Gollum asked, apparently over his initial shock.

'Yes it are,' Heather said, mocking Gollum's grammar.

'We should go on some rides!' Amanda decided.

'I don't think that a rollercoaster would be a good idea when you consider who you're dealing with,' Heather said, raising an eyebrow.

'Whatever. Let's just explore!' Amanda said cheerfully before starting to wander off.

'I only have one shoe!' Heather called out, but no one seemed to hear her.

They were situated on a large cobblestone path with the fountain in the centre. A few families were meandering about, and Mickey was abruptly bombarded with screaming children as Heather passed him by. She was hopping on one foot as she tried to keep up with the others.

'First stop; someplace where I can buy some new shoes,' Heather told the group as she struggled to keep up with them.

'I think there's a souvenir shop right over there,' Amanda said, pointing to a large building.

As they neared the store, a large sign reading "NO SHIRTS, NO SHOES, NO SERVICE!" loomed into view.

'I guess you'll have to stay outside then, Heather,' Amanda joked.

'I still have one shoe, so therefore I should be good,' Heather said bitterly, hopping to the door and yanking it open.

No sooner had she entered the room than the cashier blurted out, 'YOU ONLY HAVE ONE SHOE! OUT!'

'Are you kidding me?' Heather growled as Amanda sternly dragged her back out of the store and sat her down on a nearby bench.

'We'll be back shortly,' Amanda told Heather before she quickly left to go into the shop alongside The Fellowship.

Eventually they all returned, giggling as they brandished a pair of Mickey Mouse flip-flops, complete with large, floppy mouse ears and bright rainbow soles.

'Are you serious?' Heather said in slow rage as the shoes were plopped down in front of her.

'It was either these or some princess ones,' Amanda explained. 'They were thirty dollars, actually.'

'I wouldn't pay a penny for – THESE AREN'T EVEN MY SIZE!' Heather roared as she slipped one of them on and found that it was about five sizes too big.

'Erm, yeah…about that…there wasn't too much size selection…'

'I can't go around wearing these,' Heather said slowly as she put the other one on. 'I look stupid.'

'I wouldn't blame that on the shoes, Heather,' Legolas chortled, ducking just in time as Heather's lonely sneaker was hurled at his face.

'Can't we find another souvenir shop with shoes?' Heather pleaded.

'Those were thirty dollars. We're not getting rid of them. Suck it up, buttercup,' Amanda told Heather in a strict tone.

'I hate my lifeeeeeee,' Heather groaned, getting to her feet.

'You're starting to sound like Legolas,' Amanda said.

'I'm actually feeling _much _better now,' Legolas decided, smiling evilly at Heather's shoes.

'At least _I _still have _hair_,' Heather spat at the elf. Legolas' smile vanished, and he sniffled a bit.

'Okay, guys, let's just go have some fun, okay?' Amanda said, giving them all looks.

'I'm hungry!' Merry and Pippin both said at once.

'You guys literally just ate…' Heather sighed, rubbing her temples. 'Fine. Okay. Whatever. We'll get you some food.'

They walked down the cobblestone path which was now flooded with families. More than once, one or both of Heather's flip-flops would fly off somewhere into the crowd and she'd have to go retrieve them, cursing as she went. Eventually, after around ten minutes of getting pushed around in the crowds, they found a food cart.

'Holy shit, look at the lineup,' Heather moaned, pointing to the huge line of people who were eagerly waiting to order.

'They have food!' Pippin said, pointing to the cart.

'A little slow today, Pippin, are we?' Heather said in a mock-questioning tone.

'Okay, let's get in line,' Amanda decided. She walked to the end of the line and stood there, soon joined by everyone else.

'So many peoples, and they is everywhere, precious, yes my precious, and we is not liking them, _gollum_,' Gollum hissed to himself. 'We is so closed in, precious, yes my precious, they is everywhere!'

'Boromir, if Gollum suddenly goes berserk and starts to eat people, I elect you to stop him,' Heather told Boromir as Gollum started to nervously chew on his own leg.

'Why is it always me?' Boromir groaned.

'Sometimes I like to eat my own toenails,' Pippin randomly stated. There was an awkward silence.

'Ooookay then,' Heather eventually said. 'I think we won't be getting you anymore sugary food for a while…'

When they finally got to the front of the line, they had been waiting for at least an hour, if not more. The price for enough water for them all was a small fortune, and then, of course, the hobbits ordered enough food for a family of ten. By the time everyone had stopped ordering food, a huge chunk of the game show winnings was gone.

'We need to find a way to get more money,' Amanda sighed as she led the hobbits away from the food cart. Their arms were loaded with junk food, and Pippin had managed to order some candy floss without Amanda noticing until it was too late.

They found a few benches and sat down to eat. By the time Heather had gotten through her cheeseburger, Pippin had eaten eight of his, along with his large bag of candy floss and a few cartons of milk.

'You're going to get fat,' Heather told the hobbit as he demolished his ninth cheeseburger in one bite.

'You're one to talk,' Legolas said bitterly to Heather.

'Oh, seems as if sad-elf-boy-person is back,' Heather said in a sickly-sweet voice.

Legolas sighed and slowly returned to eating his salad.

'What is the purpose of this place?' Frodo asked at length.

'It's a place where frogs have their babies,' Heather said.

'_Enough with those fake explanations!_' Amanda groaned. 'This place, Frodo, is a theme park. There are rides and food and fun things to do.'

'What is the point, though?' Frodo questioned.

'Um…' Amanda trailed off.

'There isn't really any point,' Heather said with a shrug.

'Well, no, people come here to have fun,' Amanda explained. 'It's not entirely necessary, but then again, many things aren't…'

'What's a ride?' Pippin asked after he finished off his last cheeseburger.

'Something that you're not going on,' Heather said bluntly.

'Oh, come on Heather, it will be fuuuun!' Amanda said cheerfully.

'No way. We are _not _going on a ride with these freaks,' Heather said.

'We have to go on at least _one _ride!'

'Nope.'

'Heather!'

'No.'

'Not even a kiddie ride?'

'Holy shit, fine,' Heather sighed as she got up from the bench. 'Is everyone done eating?'

'I don't want my last -,' Frodo began, holding up his final cheeseburger. He was interrupted as Pippin lunged at his hand and ate the entire burger in a split-second.

'Um…okay, is everyone done eating?' Heather asked again as Pippin smiled up at her pleasantly.

'You got spit on my hand, Pip,' Frodo said in disgust as a trail of saliva dripped off of Frodo's hand and onto the bench.

'Okay, let's just go find a ride,' Heather decided. She spun around, stopped, pointed in the direction of where she was facing and began to march towards it.

'Just thought I'd let you know that you walking with purpose in those flip-flops has officially made my day,' Amanda told Heather when she caught up to her.

'Shut up,' Heather said with a grimace.

'Do you know where you're going?'

'No.'

'Great…'

Eventually, after wading for what seemed like hours through the large throngs of people, they stumbled upon a ride which didn't seem to have any lineup whatsoever.

'Finally!' Heather grumbled as she waited for the others to catch up.

'What is this ride?' Amanda asked as she walked up to Heather.

'No idea, but it looks pretty damn stupid,' Heather stated as she stared at it. There seemed to be some hollow caterpillars that went around a track in some large structure. It looked like an _Alice in Wonderland_ ride.

'Only four people per caterpillar,' Amanda sighed. 'This may not end well.'

'Oh good, does that mean that we can leave?' Heather asked hopefully.

'No.'

'Of course,' Heather sighed. 'There are eleven of us, so…I'll take Boromir, Aragorn, and sad-elf-boy. You can have the hobbits…I'll take Gimli and you can have Gollum. There might be enough space for more than four on each…'

'Okay, now, how do we get onto the rides?' Amanda asked. They all looked around, but there didn't seem to be anyone to start the ride.

'Oh, look, they're sleeping,' Heather said, pointing to a bored worker who was slumped against a fence, completely a sleep. 'YO, GUY WHO IS ASLEEP! WAKE UUUUP!'

The person jumped to their feet. 'You wish to get onto the ride?'

'No duh,' Heather said impatiently, tapping her foot.

'There are more than four of you, so -,'

'We can do the math, just let us get on so we can get this over with,' Heather said coldly.

The worker nodded, probably hoping that if he obeyed, his sleeping wouldn't get reported. The Fellowship boarded the caterpillars. There was hardly enough space to move once they were all in them, and it got worse as the caterpillars jerked forwards and into the dark building.

'WE IS NOT ENJOYING THIS!' Heather heard Gollum screech from the other caterpillar.

'Oi, Gollum, that's my ear!' Sam shouted.

'Pippin, stop salivating on my foot!'

'WE IS _REALLY _NOT ENJOYING THIS!'

'Gollum, _stop trying to bite off my ear!_'

'Amanda, help, Pippin's biting my elbow!'

'I'm glad I'm not on that caterpillar,' Heather said in the dark. 'Elf-boy, mind getting your foot out of my back?'

'Yes, I do mind,' Legolas replied grimly.

'Don't be so moody,' Heather said. 'Oh, hey, look; an exhibit.'

She pointed happily to a lighted statue of the Queen of Hearts who looked like she was about to cut off everyone's head.

'SCARY LADY!' Gollum shrieked.

'GOLLUM, GET BACK INTO THE CATERPILLAR!' Amanda roared. There was a scraping sound suddenly from above.

'Methinks Gollum is on the ceiling again…' Heather guessed.

'I don't care,' Legolas sighed.

'THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD IT WITH YOUR ANNOYING-NESS, ELF-BOY!' Heather shouted. In the dim light she saw Legolas and abruptly shoved him out of the caterpillar. 'TAKE THAT!'

'That wasn't very nice, Heather,' Gimli said sternly, trying to hide his giggles.

'You do realise how slow this caterpillar is going, right?' Legolas suddenly asked from beside the caterpillar. Another exhibit's lights up ahead showed that he was calmly walking next to them.

'Well…this isn't as dramatic as I expected it to be…' Heather said eventually.

'HEATHER, DO YOU HAVE GOLLUM WITH YOU?' Amanda abruptly yelled from up ahead.

'Nope,' Heather said as she stared at the illuminated Cheshire Cat.

Unexpectedly, a yell sounded from behind them and the caterpillars screeched to a halt. The lights of the displays flickered out.

'Either we're in a horror movie or Gollum just knocked the ride worker out,' Heather decided.

There was an abrupt hissing noise from behind them, and then Gollum started to wail.

'NASTY, FAT MAN TRIED TO HIT US, _GOLLUM_, AND IT IS DARK AND WE HAS NO PRECIOUS AND – and we is not missing them, is we? No, nasty peoples, _gollum_, we is betters off without – AND WE BITES OFF HIS HAND, WE TRIES, AND HE TRIES TO HIT US, AND WE KNOCKS HIM OUT, SEE? Yes, my love, and then we runs off and then we – AND NOW WE IS LOST AND THE PRECIOUS IS LOST AND WE IS COLD!'

'Erm, Gollum?' Heather said slowly. 'We "is" right here. Calm your shit.'

'O-oh…' Gollum finally mumbled.

'So…you knocked _another _person out?' Heather said as if this was nothing new (which, in truth, it wasn't).

'He tried to hit us,' Gollum snuffled.

'I don't blame him,' Legolas said primly.

This was too much for Gollum. With a cry, he lunged towards the elf's voice and caught him by the arm. Legolas yelled and tried to shake the creature off of his arm, but Gollum had sunk his sparse teeth into the elf's flesh and didn't plan on letting go. At that moment the lights flickered back on and another caterpillar emerged from behind a bend, containing a family with two small children who both screamed when they saw Gollum attacking Legolas.

'Aaaand those kids shall now be scarred for life,' Heather said as Gollum sprayed Legolas' blood everywhere. Then the world went dark.

'STOP. BITING. ME!' Legolas roared, finally getting Gollum off of his arm. Gollum hissed like a snake and found a corner to hide in.

'Dude, that bite is going to get infected,' Heather said wisely. 'You'll be dead soon.'

'WELL THANK ERU FOR THAT!' Legolas snapped before falling to the ground.

'Dude, you're more moody than a mood ring,' Heather told the elf.

'Pippin still is chewing on me,' Merry said sadly.

'That's what happens when he eats candy floss,' Heather said with a shrug. 'Now, I think I'll sleep. G'night, y'all.'

'I hope you dream that you die, and then you wake up and it turns out to NOT BE A DREAM!' Legolas bellowed.

'…sweet dreams to you too, Legolas,' Heather said at length before rolling over and falling asleep.

…**Host a Radio Show!**

**(suggested by Lotr4eva)**

'Honestly you guys, she's going to be _really _angry!'

'If she asks who did it, everyone blame the elf.'

'Mind you don't actually cut her scalp, Legolas…'

'Guys, you shouldn't do –,'

_Snip, snip, snip._

'Now you've gone and done it, Legolas.'

'Whassat?' Heather asked groggily, pulling herself into a sitting position. Several people giggled. 'What…'

She then realised that her head felt significantly lighter.

'No…' she said slowly, reaching up to touch her hair…or, what was left of her hair. 'No, no, no.'

'Surprise!' Pippin said cheerfully.

'I'M GOING TO KILL EVERYONE!' Heather roared, jumping to her feet and kicking in odd directions. She clipped Legolas in the mouth and he responded by tugging off her flip-flop and attempting to bash her head in with it.

'NOW WHO HAS THE BAD HAIR?!' Legolas shouted.

'LEGOLAS, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!' Heather screeched, managing to shove him to the floor and retrieve her flip-flop. She then tried to knock him out, but seeing as the room wasn't entirely light yet, it was hard to exactly grasp onto a target. This gave time for Legolas to get to his feet and run off.

'I WILL PULL OUT YOUR INTESTINES AND CHOKE YOU WITH THEM!' Heather shrieked, chasing after the elf. Legolas suddenly grabbed Boromir's shield and flung it at Heather, who kind of epic-ly deflected it with her elbow.

'That's my shield!' Boromir shouted, but just then Legolas took his sword and charged at Heather. 'That's my sword!'

Then the world became bright.

Heather crashed to the floor whilst screaming about her eyes. She knocked Legolas over and Boromir's sword clattered to the ground, cutting some wires as it did.

'Woah, what's with the sword?' someone asked from above.

'CALL THE POLICE, THE ELF HAS GONE MAAAAAAD!' Heather yelled at the top of her lungs as she curled up into a ball and rolled away from Legolas.

'…right,' the person said. 'Erm, are you all set for your airtime?'

'Yep,' Merry decided.

'O-okay then,' the person said, and then walked out of the room.

'Where are weeee?' Heather groaned.

'In some sort of studio,' Amanda replied.

Heather looked up. They were in a very white room with some various posters on the wall. Some electronics were off to the side, as well as some headphones and microphones.

'I think we're going to be on a radio programme,' Amanda said excitedly. She then gave Heather a closer look. 'Oh, Heather, your hair…'

'Shut up,' Heather commanded. She stood up and looked at her reflection in a nearby, slightly reflective window. Half of her head was nearly bald, and the other half was covered in small chunks of red hair. 'Legolas, I will kill you.'

'Now,' Legolas said, getting up, 'we match.'

'It's not my fault that you're bald!' Heather shouted at him.

'I never said it was,' Legolas said. 'You just deserve this.'

'And you deserve -,' Heather began, but she didn't get to finish, for at that moment there was a loud beeping noise.

'AIRTIME IN THIRTY SECONDS!' a metallic voice called out from a nearby speaker.

'Well then,' Heather said.

'What are we going to say?' Amanda practically shrieked. 'We need to have a subject!'

'How about "Why All Elves Should Die: A Poem"?' Heather asked in an angelic tone.

'Elves should die,

Because they suck.

Elves should die,

Those little f-,'

'AND YOU ARE NOT GOING TO USE WORDS LIKE THAT AROUND THE HOBBITS!' Amanda screeched.

'I was going to say "fire trucks",' Heather assured her sweetly.

'AIRTIME IN FIVE…FOUR…' the voice exclaimed.

'This isn't going to go well,' Heather predicted.

'TWO…ONE…' the voice was then cut off and there was an eerie silence.

'Hullo!' Pippin suddenly squawked.

'Welcome to…' Amanda said awkwardly.

'Why Elves Suck: the Radio Station.'

'No, welcome to -,'

'Why Candy Floss is Good?'

'No, Pippin, welcome to…erm…' Amanda looked at a poster on the wall and read off the name: 'The Rock Station…'

'Wow,' Heather said gloomily, 'so unique and – LEGOLAS, YOU LITTLE SHIT, DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO CUT OFF MORE OF MY HAIR!'

Legolas had been sneaking up behind her with his knife. He coughed and made some excuse about "checking for infections".

'The topic of today's programme is…' Amanda began.

'FISHSES!' Gollum hissed hopefully.

'No.'

'Fish gutses?'

'No.'

'Fish heads!'

'No, Gollum, it's not about fish,' Amanda sighed. 'And – hey, Heather, don't do that!'

Heather had lifted a huge speaker up and was about to drop it on Legolas' unsuspecting head.

'I was just checking for infections!' Heather said innocently, dropping the speaker with a resounding _crunch_!

'Everyone be quiet!' Amanda said unhappily.

'I wasn't saying anything…' Aragorn muttered.

'Nor was I!' Boromir grumbled.

'I would like to say that I have been very agreeable lately,' Gimli stated proudly.

'GOLD STAR FOR YOU, GIMLI!' Heather shouted.

'EVERYONE…JUST SHUT UP! WE'RE ON AIR!' Amanda yelled. Suddenly the door to the room opened up, and the person from before entered.

'Guys,' they hissed, 'talk about your topic!'

'Which is…?' Amanda asked hopefully.

'Why the oceans should stop being so heavily fished!' they whispered angrily before slamming the door.

'Fish?' Gollum repeated, a glint in his eye.

'Aaaaand this is going to get bad,' Amanda said with a grimace.

'Oh, we loves fishses!' Gollum proclaimed. 'We eats them and we is happy and we loves them, _gollum_, especially when they're still wiggling and their scales are all a-slimy and their bones go _crunch _and the blood is nice and warm!'

'Aaaaand now I'm considering vegetarianism,' Heather said, sticking out her tongue.

'Gollum, shut up,' Amanda groaned. She then started to speak loudly. 'Right, so, the oceans should stop being so heavily fished because…because eventually all the fish will die and -,'

'Oh, goodses!' Gollum bellowed. 'And when the fishses all die, we goes and we eats them, precious!'

'No, Gollum, that's not – that's not even close to – just be quiet!' Amanda said exasperatedly.

'One quick thing – Legolas, I get a bit nervous when you hold your knife like that,' Heather said matter-of-factly as Legolas held his knife like he was preparing to throw it at her.

'EVERYONE JUST – just, just, _ergh!_' Amanda sighed. 'WHATEVER. The oceans should stop being so heavily fished because fish are people too!'

'Fishses are people?' Gollum questioned confusedly.

'No!'

'But you just said that the fishses -,'

'I GIVE UP!' Amanda decided in frustration as the door swung open again.

'You guys are terrible!' the person practically shouted. 'Get your act together or _else_!'

They slammed the door again, grumbling as they did so.

'Okay, fine, our topic is about the oceans or some shit, right?' Heather said, trying to take control of the situation.

'AND STOP SWEARING!' the person had poked their head back into the room before shutting the door again.

'Holy sh…eet,' Heather finished lamely. She straightened her shoulders and spoke directly into a microphone. 'So…the oceans are important…and we shouldn't do bad things to them because…they're important. Yeah.'

She coughed a bit.

'Furthermore…um…well, they look cool, and they wouldn't be nearly as cool without some fish in them…'

'But fishses are so tasty!' Gollum squealed.

'Shut your face,' Heather said intelligently. 'Um…so…yeah. The oceans need more fish…or, um, they need to keep the fish that they have and…right. I suggest that the world hosts a…worldwide fish day to honour fish. Yep.'

'And then at the ends of the day, we eats all of the fishses!' Gollum declared.

'GOLLUM, YOU'RE MISSING THE ENTIRE POINT, BRO!' Heather screamed. Suddenly a light started to violently blink on a nearby switchboard. 'That's never a good thing…'

'Um…' Amanda said, delicately tapping the light. There was a crackling noise from a nearby speaker.

'This is terrible!' a woman's voice called out.

'Oh. We appear to have just been phoned by someone,' Heather realised. 'Well…aren't we popular!'

'You are a disgrace to environmentalists!' the woman continued.

'And you're a disgrace to…fish!' Heather shouted into her microphone.

'We loves fish!' Gollum sang.

'You probably don't even know a thing about fish!' Heather cried out, ignoring Gollum.

'I am a marine biologist!' the woman yelled.

'…oh,' Heather said at length. 'Well then…'

Heather then made a split-second decision to end the conversation. She smashed her hand onto the switchboard and broke off the light as well as a few switches. There was a click from the speaker and then silence.

'Erm…technical difficulties,' Heather said awkwardly into the microphone.

'THAT'S IT!' the person was back, and their face was bright red. 'YOU GUYS SUCK AT THIS!'

'Woah there, mister,' Heather said indignantly. 'There's no need to be rude.'

'YOU'RE GOING TO KILL OUR RATINGS!' the person shouted.

'We likes killing things!' Gollum said joyfully.

'SHUT UP YOU…you…?' the person actually noticed what Gollum looked like and frowned. 'You…dog-thing…that can…talk?'

'We is not a dog!' Gollum screeched. 'We is a…a…what is we, precious? I don't know, my love, we don'ts know…'

Gollum then started to scratch his chin attentively as he thought this out.

'Anyways…' the person said, clearing their throat. 'YOU GUYS ARE AWFUL AT THIS, AND I AM SHUTTING. YOU. DOWN!'

They epic-ly smashed their hand down on a glowing red button.

Nothing happened. The button continued to give off red light.

'Um…' the person said slowly, tapping the button again. 'What…w-why isn't this working?'

'I guess I'm not the only who has their epic moments ruined,' Heather said thoughtfully as the person became more and more agitated.

'WHY AREN'T YOU WORKING?!' the person screamed at the switchboard, as if they wanted an answer. Swearing loudly, the looked at the wires that connected it to a nearby wall outlet and – 'WHO CUT THESE WIRES?!'

'Oops,' Heather said, 'I think that happened when Boromir's sword dropped…'

'WHY – HOW – THIS…why do you even have a _sword_?!' the person was seething with rage.

'Why not?' Heather grinned.

The person was about to reply when suddenly they tripped over a nearby speaker. They fell onto a switchboard which caused heavy metal to start blaring in the studio. The speaker fell onto Gollum as he was deciding that he _probably _wasn't a bird.

'WE IS IN PAIN!' Gollum growled over the loud music. He scuttled away from underneath the speaker and, in rage, started to bash his head off of a switchboard.

'STOP THAT!' the person roared at him as several more music tracks started to play loudly.

Legolas was keeled over on the ground, clutching at his elf-ears as Heather looked at him with the glint of victory in her eyes. She went over to a close by speaker and turned up the volume before bringing it over to him and holding it above his head. Gollum was still going berserk, and was attempting to behead the stranger with a microphone when suddenly the world became eerily quiet and dark.

'This is useless,' Heather said, still holding onto the speaker which had now fallen silent. She dropped it on Legolas' head and scurried to hide behind Boromir.

'My ears hurt,' Amanda groaned, clutching at her head.

'Preeeeetty sure Legolas is worse off than you right now,' Heather said astutely as the elf rolled onto his back in pain.

'Elfs is in pain? We is in pain, _gollum_! Nasty, fat man dropped a nasty, fat box on us, precious!' Gollum hissed.

'Why do you describe everything you don't like as "nasty" and "fat"?' Heather asked.

'Shuts up, nasty, fat girl,' Gollum said at length.

'I've heard snappier comebacks from a bowl of Rice Krispies!' Heather snapped.

The Fellowship remained silent as they tried to figure out what this meant.

'Never mind,' Heather groaned eventually, collapsing onto the ground.

…**Volunteer at a Retirement Home!**

**(suggested by Lotr4eva and daddys number 1 girl)**

…**Encounter Another Old Lady!**

**(suggested by MysticRoseDrop)**

'My ears are dead,' Legolas groaned.

'So is my hair,' Heather replied icily.

'Everyone's hair is dead, seeing as it's made up of dead cells,' Amanda said.

'Ta gueule!' commanded Heather.

'What?' Amanda asked.

'Hey, Lego, how does your head feel?' Heather questioned the elf, ignoring Amanda.

'It's in pain too, seeing as you dropped a…box on it,' Legolas snapped.

'It was just a speaker,' Heather replied sweetly.

'If I wasn't in so much pain, I'd go over and slit your throat,' Legolas hissed.

'Ooh, I'm shaking in my boots,' Heather said sarcastically.

'You mean your extremely ugly flip-flops?' Legolas reminded her.

'Shut…shut up,' Heather mumbled huffily.

Then the world became light.

'MMMregreeeef,' Heather groaned, rolling onto her face.

'WHASSAT?' a loud voice shouted at her.

'My eeeeears,' Legolas complained.

'WHASSAT?'

'WHY ARE YOU YELLI-,' Heather began, looking up. She stopped when she saw that a pair of eyes nearly the size of her hands were staring back at her through thick glasses. 'Um…'

'YOU'VE GOT TO SPEAK LOUDER, DEAR, I CAN'T HEAR VERY WELL!' the person (a very balding woman) shouted at the top of her lungs.

'Why are you - ,' Legolas started before noticing the old woman. He screamed and curled into a ball.

'Niiiice,' Heather said with a nod.

'Legolas, you're giving the Elves a bad name,' Aragorn told his friend. He also noticed the old lady and burst into tears.

'BE OFF WITH YOU, YOU VILE OLD LADY!' Boromir roared, attempting to be brave.

'WHASSAT?' the old lady croaked. It was at this point that Boromir noticed her cane.

With a screech he ran off, collided into a wall, and was knocked out cold.

'WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?' the old lady asked.

'Don't ask,' Amanda sighed.

'WHY IS HE JUST LAYING ON THE GROUND LIKE THAT?'

'He's…' Heather trailed off.

'PUT HIM ON THE COUCH BEFORE HE DROOLS ON THE CARPET!' the woman decided before hobbling out of the small, plain room.

'I can't lift him; he's too fat,' Heather said defiantly to her shadow as it slipped away.

'Just leave him; he might as well drool on the carpet instead of the couch,' Amanda pointed out.

'Right…but he looks kind of suspicious,' Heather said. Her eyes drifted towards a nearby lamp. 'Wait. I have an idea.'

Two minutes later and Boromir's back was pushed up against the wall, and a lampshade was covering his face. They had found some tape underneath the couch (Pippin was on the ground for some reason and had retrieved it), so Boromir wasn't going to be coming off of the wall anytime soon.

'There. Now he's an unsuspicious lamp,' Heather said proudly.

'This looks really sketchy, Heather,' Amanda said with a frown.

'How so?'

'He's unconscious and taped to the wall with a lampshade on his head.'

'I've seen worse,' Heather said with a shrug.

'…I'm not even going to ask,' Amanda sighed.

Just then a very preppy-looking woman burst into the small room. Her wide smile faltered a bit when she saw Boromir.

'Um…?' she said sweetly, trying to peer around Heather to get a better look at the taped man. Heather stepped more in front of him and coughed. The woman raised an eyebrow but didn't comment. 'You must be our volunteers!'

'That might not be a good thing,' Amanda commented, staring at Legolas and Aragorn who were now _both _sobbing into the carpet.

'Are…are they okay?' the woman asked worriedly.

'Oh yeah, they do this all the time,' Heather responded lightly.

'Oh…well, welcome to _Oldie Age_!' the woman said with a grin.

'You've got to be kidding me,' Heather groaned.

'We are a friendly senior's residence!' the woman continued. 'My name is Amanda and -,'

'NOT AGAAAAIN!' Heather roared. 'This was confusing enough last time!'

'P-pardon?' the woman (Amanda) asked.

'D'you have a middle name?' Heather questioned hopefully.

'Well, y-yes, but -,'

'What is it?' Heather interrupted impatiently.

'Sam.'

'WELL THAT ISN'T GOING TO WORK EITHER!' Heather screeched as Sam reacted to the woman having the same name as him. 'Fiiiiine. We'll just call you Amanda-Two, kay?'

'But we already know an Amanda-Two!' Pippin realised.

'FINE. CALL HER WHATEVER YOU LIKE!'

'I still like the name BS,' Pippin said with a smile.

'How about Preppy-Miss-Stuff?' Heather suddenly suggested. 'PM-,'

'You are terrible lately, you know that?' Amanda interjected quickly. She turned to the second Amanda. 'What's your last name?'

'Uh…Smith,' the Amanda replied, her smile gone.

'Wow, really complex name choices, black box!' Heather commented, staring at the ceiling.

'R-right…' Smith said slowly. From across the room, Boromir woke up with a start and yelled briefly.

'I knew we should've taped his mouth,' Heather said under her breath.

'Is he alright?' Smith asked. 'I mean…he's taped to a wall and he looks like a lamp!'

'ARE THE OLD PEOPLE GONE?!' Boromir the lamp shouted.

'DID THAT LAMP JUST TALK?!' Heather yelled loudly. 'GOOD GOD! SOMEBODY…CALL THE PRESS!'

'Are you o-,' Smith said, starting towards Boromir. She then noticed Gollum. She screamed.

'Would. You. Refrain. From. DOING. THAT?!' Legolas complained loudly, apparently done crying.

'A MUTANT DOG!' Smith shrieked, ignoring the elf.

'WE IS NOT A DOG!' Gollum bellowed. 'Why do they always calls us "dogses", precious? We don'ts know, my love!'

'It…talks,' Smith mumbled, looking faint.

'AH, would you look at the time!' Heather said, staring at her bare wrist. 'We must get going or else…we'll be late for…that thing…'

'You mustn't leave!' Smith said, steadying herself.

'We mustn't?' Heather asked in a falsetto tone.

'You still need to stay and volunteer with the elderly,' Smith explained.

'NO!' Aragorn shouted, getting to his feet. 'JUST…NO!'

'Why do you have a sword?' Smith queried.

'Wow, you are noticing everything,' Heather commented. 'Most people just noticed Gollum. Mind you, he's pretty hard to _not _notice.'

'We hates you,' Gollum said thickly.

'Aren't you here to volunteer?' Smith asked bewilderedly.

'I actually have no idea,' Heather said with a shrug. 'We kinda just…arrived here.'

'I DON'T WANT TO BE AROUND OLD PEOPLE!' Aragorn yelled, making sure that everyone heard him.

'Yeah, we sort of have some people here who fear old people,' Heather explained.

'I assure you all, the people who live here are very kind,' Smith said. 'Now, come with me. L-leave behind those weapons, please.'

Nobody listened to the last remark, but they followed her out of the room. Aragorn and Legolas both had to be dragged and threatened, which made Smith look even more confused and intimidated. Boromir was left behind.

'Why can't I see anything?' Boromir asked the empty room. 'And…why am I stuck to a wall?'

**X**

'Nooooooooooooo,' Legolas squealed as Heather dragged him by his leg into a room _full _of elderly people. 'NO NO NO NO NOO.'

'CALM YOUR SHIT, ELF-BOY!' Heather instructed him wisely before slamming his leg back onto the ground.

'WHASSAT?' the old lady from before screamed from her plaid chair.

'Euugh,' Aragorn mumbled before grabbing Legolas and using him as a shield.

'Nice,' Heather sighed.

'Everyone, listen up!' Smith said, standing in the centre of the room. She was holding a few boxes and a smile was now plastered onto her face. 'Game time!'

There were groans across the room, mingled with the 'WHASSAT?''s of the lady.

'These are new volunteers,' Smith continued, 'so please make them feel welcome. Alright, now choose a board game and let's play!'

Smith then started to happily pass out games.

'If we run for it now,' Heather muttered to Amanda, 'd'you think we'd get away without being seen?'

'Heather, the…the black box obviously wants us to do this!' Amanda scolded.

'Yeah, but Aragorn and Legolas obviously don't,' Heather reminded her.

'When was the last time that you cared about their wellbeing?'

Heather thought for a bit. 'Right.'

She then grabbed Aragorn's arm and attempted to yank him to his feet. He proved too heavy though, and she only caused him to fall onto Legolas' head. 'Oi. Scared-peeps. Up on your feet. Let's meet some friends!'

'I don't want to meet any fr-,' Legolas started bitterly, but Heather yanked him from Aragorn before he could finish and tossed him into the crowd of elderly people.

'You'd be next, but you're too fat,' Heather explained. She then repeatedly kicked Aragorn in the back.

'What are you doing?!' he complained.

'Making you move your ass.'

'Well it's not working, is it?' Aragorn replied slyly. Heather stared at him and then disappeared into the crowd. She came back with a bespectacled man clutching at a game of Scrabble.

'Here. He doesn't have a cane or anything…and he's not a lady,' Heather said. 'Now go.'

Aragorn saw the reason in this and got up. He trailed behind the old man, holding the handle of his sword as he went.

The rest of the group were starting to pair up with the elderly too, except for Legolas who was curled up on the ground, clutching at his eyes. He was constantly getting stepped on, which made his suspicions about the elderly strengthen. Eventually, though, there was only one elderly person left. Legolas looked upwards.

'What's up with your hair?' she asked.

It was then that he noticed her cane and her pale eyes. He screamed.

'THE PET STORE LADY!' he hollered at the top of his lungs. Nobody noticed because of the babble around him (which was assembled by many "Back in _my _day"'s and "WHASSAT?"'s).

'YOU!' the woman shrieked as she remembered him. She lifted her cane up and hit him in the leg.

'I HATE THE ELDERLY!' Legolas shouted. The old lady prepared to hit him again, but just then Smith popped up.

'Gladys, what have I told you about beating up the volunteers?' Smith asked as if talking to a child.

'This one deserved it!' the old lady, Gladys, hissed through her teeth.

'Now, here, take this game and go sit someplace,' Smith said, handing Gladys a box. 'I want you to be _both _on speaking terms in half an hour!'

'She's going to kill me!' Legolas told Smith.

'Nonsense,' Smith said, shaking her head. 'The worst she's ever done was send someone to the hospital with a broken arm.'

'That one deserved it too,' Gladys mumbled.

Smith then walked away, leaving Legolas to his fate.

Meanwhile, the rest of The Fellowship was having some difficult times too. Gollum was mistaken for a dog again (which made him extremely angry, and he spent the next few minutes bashing his head with a lamp as a dog loving old woman tried to feed him treats), Gimli was stuck with an old man who was intent on not talking at all, Amanda was caught up in a heated argument between two old twin sisters, Heather was grudgingly playing Go Fish using Uno cards, Aragorn was still suspicious of the old man (he also didn't grasp the concept of Scrabble), and the hobbits were all in a group with friendly old men who spoke entirely in inside jokes. It wasn't very fun for any of them.

'Do you have a one?' Heather asked, clenching her jaw.

'WHASSAT?' the old lady yelled.

'DO YOU HAVE A ONE?!' Heather shouted.

'DO I HAVE FUN?'

Heather, remembering the old-lady-grocery-store-incident, ground her teeth in order to refrain from yelling.

Aragorn wasn't doing so well either. Scrabble was very complex to him, and the old man kept on rejecting his words (such as "Arathorn", "Rivendell", and "Eru"). He was getting so fed up that eventually he just stopped playing and let the old man put down words for him. He was beginning to feel that old people were boring instead of dangerous.

Then he saw Legolas getting whacked over the head by a cane as he attempted to play a board game with an old lady.

'THAT'S NOT HOW YOU SHUFFLE CARDS!' she bellowed.

Aragorn sunk low into his seat and grabbed hold of his sword again.

Meanwhile, the hobbits were sitting up against a wall, feeling very bored. A board game, still in its box, lay unused nearby. Their old people were talking to each other very loudly and were constantly laughing.

'Um,' Frodo said at length, 'do you want to actually play the game?'

They all stopped and stared at him.

'What type of game?' one of the men asked in a low tone. The others around him burst into laughter and slapped him on the back.

'Is…is it green?' another man asked between giggles. Another wave of laughter passed over the men as they all shouted: 'GOOD 'UN, FRED!'

'I'm very confused,' Sam sighed.

'LIKE MARTHA!' one man howled, and the rest guffawed.

'This isn't -,' Merry began, but at that moment Boromir burst into the room.

He still had a lampshade on his head, and his torso was covered in tape. He tripped, fell, and rolled a bit into the room.

'Nice entrance,' Heather grumbled as Boromir came to a halt. The lampshade fell off of his face, letting him see all of the old people. He screamed.

'Are you alright?' Smith asked, running up to him. She attempted to help Boromir up, but the tape had attached to the carpet and he was stuck.

'WHAT'S HAPPENING?' Heather's old lady asked.

'He's stuck,' Heather told her.

'WHASSAT?!'

'Oh, never mind!' Heather cried out grimly. 'You're as deaf as a bat. Wait. No. I got that saying wrong…'

As Heather tried to figure this out, Gollum got completely fed up with trying to be fed dog treats. He jumped away from the woman and ran up the carpeted wall and onto the carpeted ceiling.

'So,' meanwhile, Gimli was still trying to get his partner to talk, 'how's life?'

No answer.

'I like your…beard?'

No answer.

'I used to have a beard…'

Silence.

'It was a really nice beard…'

No reply.

'Right, well,' Gimli said, straightening up, 'seeing as you don't want to talk, I think I'll just…go someplace else.'

Suddenly there was a horrid screech. Gollum's claws had gotten stuck in the carpeted ceiling, and the carpet was slowing caving in under his weight.

'Oooh dear,' Amanda sighed.

'YOUR DOG IS PULLING DOWN THE CEILING!' Smith yelled frantically.

'Technically he's not a dog, and technically he's only pulling down the carpet,' Heather pointed out.

'WHASSAT?'

'NEVER MIND.'

'EVACUATE THE ROOM!' Smith shouted importantly. 'EVACUATION!'

People started to get up, actually looking genuinely excited that something different was happening.

'I never liked that carpet anyways,' Gladys huffed, hitting Legolas on the head once more before walking out of the room.

'WE IS STUCK!' Gollum shrieked. His feet slipped off so that only his arms were holding him onto the carpet.

'WE NEED TO GET HIM DOWN!' Smith bellowed, fetching a broom from a closet. She then started to hit Gollum with it.

'WHAT ARE YOU DOING?' Amanda yelled.

'He's not a piñata,' Heather said helpfully.

There was a ripping noise, and Gollum fell to the floor. The centre of the carpet was only a metre away from the ground.

'WE EATS YOU, NASTY, FAT GIRL!' Gollum roared, charging at Smith.

'I DON'T LIKE DOGS!' Smith screeched, getting chased out of the room by Gollum.

'He's not a -,' Heather began, but then the lights went out.

There was a thud. Apparently Gollum had been transported whilst running.

'We isn't a dog,' he huffed.

'My. Head.' Legolas moaned, falling onto his back. 'I want to go home. This world is too much for me. I don't think I can last any longer.'

'Hang in there, bro,' Heather said sympathetically.

'You don't ever help me,' Legolas pointed out.

'Right, well, at least I give you some moral support,' Heather said before settling down and trying to sleep. 'If anyone does anything to me while I fall asleep – even if you cut even a _little _bit more of my hair – I will eat you. G'night.'

…**Work at a Nuclear Power Plant!**

**(suggested by Lotr4eva)**

Heather woke up with all of her hair that still remained intact. The others were sound asleep except for Pippin, who was singing to himself.

'Don't you ever sleep?' Heather asked him groggily.

'I have soooo much more energy in this world,' Pippin said happily.

'Good for you,' Heather said. She yawned and fell back onto the ground. Suddenly the world became a bit lighter. 'Oh…looks like we've been transported.'

She got up and looked around. They were in what seemed like a large, metal warehouse. There were several signs around them all saying "DANGEROUS – RADIOACTIVE" and "TOXIC" and "DANGER!"

'This looks like a friendly place,' Heather said jokingly.

'Look!' Pippin exclaimed, pointing to a large red button with a label reading "Please don't press."

'Erm, Pippin,' Heather said, staring at their surroundings, 'don't press that.'

Pippin pressed the button.

Loud alarm bells sounded, and nearby doors shut and fused to their frames.

'HOLY SHIT, WHAT DID YOU DOOOO?' Heather shrieked as a countdown began.

'I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW!' Pippin shouted, running frantically about.

'What's happening?' Amanda asked hazily, waking up.

'FIVE…FOUR…THREE…'

'I DON'T WANT TO DIE Y-,' Heather started, but then they were transported back into the dark room. Amanda seemed to be the only one who had woken up.

'Holy. Shit.' Heather breathed out as she dropped to the ground. 'I think that nearly stopped my heart.'

She rounded on Pippin. 'YOU ARE AN IDIOT!'

'It was shiny,' Pippin pouted before sitting in a corner with his arms crossed.

'What just happened?' Amanda asked in a confused tone.

'The black box has a sick, sick, _sick _sense of humour!' Heather snapped before rolling onto her side and trying to fall back asleep.

…**Goes to a Zoo!**

**(suggested by Lotr4eva, Midnight Archer 13, and Petaldawn)**

'I'm still really confused…'

'Drop it,' Heather grumbled, 'and let me go back to sleep, Amanda.'

'Were we transported?'

'No.'

'Yes we were!'

'Then why did you a-,'

'Where were we?'

'How should I kn-,'

'Why were there alarms?'

'ASK PIPPIN!' Heather roared. Everyone who was sleeping jumped and made noises. 'Wow. That woke them up, but the alarms didn't?'

'Why _were _there alarms?' Amanda questioned Pippin.

'I pressed a button,' Pippin explained. 'Then things went bad, but not _really _bad. Heather is overreacting.'

'YOU CAUSED A NUCLEAR EXPLOSION!' Heather shouted.

'I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS!' Pippin yelled back.

'You…you caused a nuclear explosion?' Amanda asked faintly.

'I didn't mean to,' Pippin said, trying to act sweet.

'What's a nuclear expl-,' Aragorn began.

'Don't. Ask.' Heather told him slowly. Then the world grew viciously bright. 'I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO FALL BACK ASLEEEEEEP!'

'Heather, calm down,' Amanda instructed her as she stared to tear out her remaining hair.

'YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT I WAS DONE BACK AT THAT MOVIE THEATRE WHEN GOLLUM BROKE THE PROJECTOR -,'

'We didn't means to,' Gollum muttered.

' – BUT I'M SO DONE RIGHT NOW AND I JUST W-,' suddenly, Heather started to scream. 'LION. LION. HOLY SHIT.'

She quickly took off at a run and tripped over Frodo.

'Heather?' Amanda said with a frown.

'RUN. EVERYBODY RUN.'

'It's behind glass.'

Heather looked again. It _was _behind glass.

She cleared her throat. 'I knew that.'

'You're uptight, huh?' Amanda commented, getting up from the ground.

'You would be too if you just experienced a nuclear catastrophe,' Heather grumbled. 'So where are we, anyways?'

'Well…' Amanda said slowly, rolling her eyes. 'Seeing as we're looking at a _lion _behind _glass_, I think we're at a zoo.'

Heather looked around. There was plenty of rolling grassy hills behind them, with a few fenced enclosures off in the distance. There was a large trail that they were situated on, and several pens were lined up along it. This one was very fortified, with stone walls that framed the strong glass.

'You might be right,' Heather said.

'WHAT'S THAT?!' Pippin shrieked, just noticing the lion.

'It's a cat,' Amanda clarified before Heather could say anything stupid. 'A really big cat.'

'Why is it so big?' Pippin asked in awe.

'It ate too much candy floss and got fat,' Heather explained bitterly.

'Lucky,' Pippin sighed. 'I'm bored now.'

'I'm sure that there are plenty more animals to see,' Amanda assured him. 'Let's go.'

They all walked down the trail until they reached the next exhibit. It was located in a large tunnel and was a display of various snakes, each separated by cement walls.

'What's thaaaat?' Pippin asked enthusiastically, pressing his face up against what seemed to be a glass tank with a bit of sand, decorations, and nothing else.

'A plastic cactus,' Amanda said, 'and…nothing else, I guess.'

Suddenly a black and yellow snake leapt up from the bottom of the tank. It had been covered completely in dry grass. Pippin screamed and fell over. 'WHAT'S THAAAAT?!'

'A Desert Kingsnake,' Heather told him.

'For real?' Amanda asked. Heather nodded. 'Wow. How did you know that?'

'I…read the sign?' Heather said, giving Amanda a look. Amanda then noticed the huge sign above the tank.

'O-oh,' Amanda mumbled.

'See? You need glasses,' Heather said, sticking out her tongue.

'What's thaaaat?' Pippin asked, pointing to a very large snake.

'That'd be a Boa Constrictor, bro,' Heather said.

'What does it do?' Pippin questioned.

'It grabs your leg and pulls you down to the ground where it squeezes you until your brain pops out of your eye sockets,' Heather clarified. Pippin gulped.

'Are they common?' he asked worriedly.

'Yep,' Heather said. 'Oh, look at that snake!'

Pippin turned and at that moment, Heather grabbed his leg. Pippin squealed, shouting, 'THE BOA CONTRADICTOR HAS GOT ME!' as he collapsed to the ground.

'Boa Contradictor?' Heather giggled, letting go of Pippin. 'Niiice, Pip.'

Pippin, not realising the joke, continued to wail, 'IT'LL SQUEEZE OUT MY BRAINS!'

'Don't worry, you have none,' Heather said sweetly before walking to another tank. 'Ooh, look, a viper.'

Pippin, realising that he wasn't actually in danger, stumbled to his feet and coughed. Merry giggled at him.

'An Eyelash Viper,' Amanda read from a sign. 'Cool.'

'REVENGE!' Pippin suddenly shouted. He sprang at the tank with his fists and pounded at the glass, attempting to release the snake.

Nothing happened.

'Pippin's strength meets Plexiglas!' Heather commented cheerfully as Pippin groaned in pain.

'MY HAND IS BLEEDING AGAAAAIN!' Pippin shouted, waving his hand again.

'Maybe you should stop cutting it open,' Heather said astutely.

'Where's this snake?' Sam abruptly asked, pointing to an empty tank.

'Probably hiding underneath some dried grass,' Heather said, walking over to the exhibit. She then noticed a large crack in the glass and put two and two together. 'Oh. I hope this one wasn't poisonous…'

She looked up at the sign. '"_Massasauga Rattlesnake – a venomous pitviper found in the US, Mexico, and parts of Ontario_"…well then.'

She then spoke very loudly. 'Hey everyone, let's go see that exhibit down the path!'

'But we haven-,' Amanda began, but then she too noticed the hole in the glass. 'Oh. Yeah. Let's all go quickly, everyone!'

'But we likes the snakeses!' Gollum complained as Heather and Amanda guided The Fellowship quickly away from the scene.

'Yeah, but the "snakeses" don't like you,' Heather muttered.

'Maybe they do!' Gollum said.

'They'd like to eat your flesh,' Heather relented. 'For you, that must seem like a great friendship.'

'We hates you,' Gollum hissed.

'Hey, look! A zebra!' Amanda said, pointing to a grassy enclosure where a very fat zebra stood eating grass.

'WOW!' Pippin shrieked, running up to the fence. 'What is that?!'

'A…a zebra, Pippin. She just said that,' Heather sighed.

'A…what?'

'Zebra, Pip.'

'What?'

'Zeh-bra. Or zee-bra if you're an American.'

'What's an American?' Boromir asked.

'I'm not Google,' Heather said, annoyed. 'Stop asking me these random questions.'

'What's a Goo-,'

'ASK AMANDA!' Heather told him exasperatedly before stomping off to the fence to look at the zebra.

'What's a Google?' Boromir asked Amanda.

'A…thing,' Amanda said knowledgably.

'WHAT DOES IT DOOO?' Pippin suddenly screamed, pointing at the zebra.

'Erm…eat?' Heather responded. 'Kind of like you.'

'It's not like me!' Pippin said defiantly.

'On a scale of one to ten on the _How Much is Pippin like a Zebra _scale, I'd say that the likeness is a solid eight.'

'I'd say a three,' Pippin exclaimed unhappily. 'Or a two. Not an eight!'

'Suuure,' Heather said, waving her hand. Suddenly, the zebra fell over. 'Oh…oh dear…'

'IS IT DEAD?!' Pippin screeched, leaning back up against the fence.

'GOLLUM!' Amanda suddenly shrieked. 'STOP THAT!'

Gollum had snuck into the enclosure and had pulled the extremely fat zebra to the ground. He was currently trying to fit its enormous leg into his mouth.

'But we wants it!' Gollum whined. The zebra made a confused noise. 'Shuts up, horse!'

'I'll handle this,' Heather said coolly. She hopped the fence and started towards the zebra. She then screamed and was quickly _back _over the fence. 'I FOUND THE RATTLESNAKE.'

She pointed to a portion of tall grass with a snake tail poking out of it.

'Precious, p'hraps we should eats the snake instead,' Gollum muttered to himself. 'Yes, yes! Much easier to fit in our mouthses!'

'GOLLUM, NO.' Amanda yelled at him as he left the zebra alone and crawled towards where the snake was.

'BUT WE IS HUNGRY!' Gollum wailed.

'YOU ATE AT THE THEME PARK!' Heather reminded him.

'BUT THAT WAS SO LONG AGO, PRECIOUS!' Gollum howled.

'Gollum, we'll get you some food here, just get away from the snake!' Amanda offered desperately as the snake started to rattle its tail.

'We'll only leave if you promise us fresh fishses,' Gollum said snobbishly.

'I promise you fish.'

'_Fresh _fish, precious.'

'Yes, _fresh _fish. Now come back over the fence!'

Gollum huffed and walked around the snake. He climbed grudgingly over the railing and plopped down onto the path.

'Somebody should go help that zebra,' Merry said, staring at the bloated creature. It was struggling to roll back onto its feet.

'Fine,' Heather muttered. 'Oh, wait.'

The zebra successfully regained its footing and brayed proudly.

'Let's go to the next place,' Heather said. 'This is getting kind of depressing.'

They went down the path again. There were some peacocks aimlessly wandering along it.

'WHAT'S THAAAAAT?!' Pippin squealed, staring at the magnificent birds.

'A peacock,' Legolas said blandly.

'They have those in Middle-earth?' Heather asked, amazed.

'Yep,' Legolas said.

'CAN I RIDE ONE?!' Pippin asked hopefully.

'No,' Amanda replied flatly.

'But I wan-,'

'Nope.'

'Merry's doing it!'

'No he-,' Amanda said, but she then noticed Merry attempting to clamber onto a peacock. 'Merry, _do not _do that!'

It was too late. The bird squawked and attempted to bite Merry in the face. Merry shouted and fell down, where the peacock then proceeded to jump on him.

'Um,' Heather said, watching the peacock repeatedly pounce on Merry as the other birds seemed to be cheering their friend on. 'This looks…weird…'

'IT HAS CLAWS!' Merry yelled.

'I think you mean talons, bro,' Heather said. She then started to giggle. 'You look like you're being used as a trampoline.'

'GET OFF!' Merry howled, but at that moment the peacocks screeched and started to hurry away from the group. Gollum was chasing them. 'Good job, Gollum!'

'GOLLUM, GET BACK HERE!' Amanda bellowed, but Gollum didn't seem to hear. He kept on running down the path, even after the peacocks veered off of it. 'Great. Let's go after him!'

She then started to run after the creature, followed by the rest. Merry was hunched over.

'My stomach is going to be bruised now,' he complained bitterly.

'Next time don't try to ride the giant bird, or else you'll become the bird equivalent to a bouncy castle,' Heather instructed him.

'What d-,' Merry began, but then he fell silent as the group ran into a very dark tunnel, illuminated by an aquarium with bright lights shaped like seashells. The tank itself was situated in the middle of the room, and clusters of people were around it.

'This is going to be bad,' Amanda moaned.

'Why?' Heather panted, a bit winded from running.

'We've lost Gollum somewhere near a large tank of fish.'

'Oh. Right.'

The tank was full of brightly coloured fish and one long shark. The shark seemed disinterested by the small colourful fish, and was more intent on the person near the brim of the tank. They were at the top of a ladder and were holding a large dead fish.

'Who's excited for shark feeding time?!' they shouted. The crowd roared.

'The chances of finding Gollum in here are slim to none,' Heather said to Amanda. Amanda nodded and groaned.

'Countdown time!' the person yelled. 'Five…four…three…'

Then, as Heather would put it, "the shit hit the fan in large quantities."

Gollum sprang up out of the gloom on the ladder. The ladder itself slipped, and the person holding the dead fish fell face-first into the salty aquarium water. The ladder slid down the side of the tank, causing a large crack to appear. Water started to burst out of it with the added pressure of a full-grown adult and hobbit-mutant (Gollum had jumped in too) inside of the tank. The shark had grabbed hold of the dead fish, but was having a fight over it with Gollum, who had sunk his sparse teeth into the head of it and was intent on _not_ letting go. The worker in the tank was desperately trying to claw their way out of the tank, and ended up kicking one of the seashell lights. The circuit for the light broke, causing the rest of the lights to go out too. The entire tunnel was plunged into darkness.

There was pandemonium. People were screaming and running into walls, water was coming out more and more, and all sense of direction was lost.

Suddenly there was a loud _CRACK! _The room fell into silence.

'Oh dear,' a voice sighed. Then there was a shattering noise like a thousand mirrors being dropped. People resumed screaming as glass and water rushed across the room. The tank had apparently completely smashed.

'HOOOOLY SHIT!' Heather screeched as icy water, shards of glass, and wriggling fish swept over her flip-flops. 'THIS IS BAD!'

Suddenly, someone in the room remembered that their phone had a flashlight. They flicked it on and illuminated the tunnel, just in time to cause more panic as the shark rocketed itself off of the floor and into the air, taking Gollum along for the ride.

'OH N-,' Amanda began as the shark and Gollum started to fall onto a group of horror-stricken teens. Then the world turned grey.

'Nasty, fat fish has the rest of the fishses, but we still has the headses!' Gollum said to the group. No one said anything. 'We eats the brain now!'

There was a long silence, interrupted only by Gollum's loud chewing and the occasional whimper.

'That…' Heather said at length. '…that…was bad.'

'I'm so drained,' Amanda groaned, sinking onto the floor. 'So…so drained.'

'So let's see,' Heather started shakily, 'not only have we caused a nuclear disaster…AHEM, PIPPIN…but we also just caused an entire tunnel full of people to get skin lacerations and possible bites depending on how hungry the shark still is…'

'Not to mention the other damage we've done,' Amanda pointed out grimly.

'We is done eating,' Gollum said proudly, and then burped.

'Gollum I – I…I hope that you _never_, _ever _do something like _that _again,' Heather said slowly. 'People could have _died_!'

'And then we could have eats them!' Gollum realised.

'I'm going to sleep,' Legolas suddenly stated.

The rest of the room agreed grimly. Heather collapsed onto the ground.

'The dark room is getting lighter,' she pointed out. 'Soon we'll have to start calling it the light room.'

The rest of the group grunted in acknowledgement.

'Well…g'night,' Heather said before turning onto her side and closing her eyes.

**So gaaaah, that was a long chapter. Hopefully you guys liked it a bit :D I'm not going to update super soon after this chapter because a) this chapter was draining to write and b) this chapter will take y'all awhile to read. Writing normal chapters will seem so easy now that I've written this huge chapter.**

**HERE ARE THE CHAPTER STATISTICS BASED ON THE ONES THAT MY WORD PROCESSOR IS GIVING ME:**

**Minutes spent writing/editing this: 2 823 (47.05 hours :O) (1.9 daysss!)**

**Character amount (with spaces): 173 863**

**Word amount: 30 071**

**Page amount (in Word): 95**

**File size: 129KB**

**This chapter has enough words to be a chaptered-fanfic. Ye gods.**

**Guys, get this – THIS FANFIC IS 50% COMPLETED! Dusgfigufgwauihfihwihrihwsodjsfljslfla wow**

**Alsooo, because this chapter is so big, I might have missed some grammatical/word errors (I've edited it lots but I still have probably missed some stuff xD) So if you see a glaring mistake, you can tell me if you'd be so kind, and I'll gladly fix it :D **

**So hopefully you guys liked this chapter, even though it was late, Pippin was OOC, and Legolas whined a lot. Read and review! Have fun! See you soon!**


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